Hi Honey, I’m Home
Posted on August 26, 2008 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., Just For Fun, adventure, friends, joy of creating
Hey Kids!
Yup, I’m back. And what an adventure I’ve had, which I will definitely tell you all about once I’ve had a chance to catch up and catch my breath. And handle a few comments…jeez, there’s a lot of them. Wow, thank you!
And thanks to Moe for keeping an eye on the place - things look just great honey, no dried food on the walls or anything. And look you left me a fresh pot of coffee and a nice chocolate cake too. Thanks, sweetie pie.
In the meantime, here are a few pics of my trip. Nice, eh? Nope, you will see none with me in them because, well, I was taking the pictures. Hehe.
Good to be back.
Ooopsie Daisy
Posted on August 24, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, Life, adventure, double yoiks, laughs
Well, believe it or not, somebody gave me an award. Who knew? It was my good chum, Teeni, who is always looking out for me and doing nice things. The explanation of why I was chosen for this award is here.
Here’s the scoop on the award itself:
The Oops award was created and is to be given to bloggers who inspire others with their humor and their talents, also for contributing to the blogging world in whatever medium. When you receive this award it is considered a “special honor”. Once you have received this award, you are to pass it on to others.”
The rules for passing this honor on:
1) Pick 5 blogs that you would like to award this honor to.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.
4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Oops” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.
All righty then, humor, hmmm…who tickles my fancy?
Well, I’m definitely going to have to pass this onto Evyl - because no one can elicit quite the giggles from me like he can. And he is responsible for creating quite a few giggles blogosphere-wide, all the way to the Land Down Under, from what I hear. He’s rude, he’s crude he’s quite a dude. Love ya darlin’
A new addition to my group of bloggy chums is Panther this is one funny woman and she does it with such panache and style I feel perfectly vogue whenever I am at her site, reading. She’s witty, she’s charming and she sparkles. I promise, really, it’s true.
Then there’s my whacky and wild friend, Curious C. She is curious and she can go off on a tangent like nobody’s business, and yet you totally know what she’s talking about. She loves American Idol and her glass of wine and she finds joy and humor everywhere. God love her, cuz I do.
Joan of Fun - now Joanie and I have a very special relationship, I find the dumbasses and then send her after them with her cane and video camera. Well actually I don’t find the dumbasses, Joanie seems quite capable of doing that herself. She has a hysterical view of life and always makes me smile.
Grit, or Mr. Photoshop as I like to call him - he has searing sense of the ridiculous and loves to doctor photos, what more could you ask for? And he’s an equal oportunity insulter, so nobody is left out in his satirical and often hilarious posts.
Okay then, there you have. Go and be free and funny my children. Thanks Teens for the award and I hope the other kids like theirs too.
Gone Fishin’
Posted on August 23, 2008 - Filed Under Gone Fishin', adventure, flying, really cool shit
By the time you read this, I will already be in my secret hideaway.
I have met up with my friend Jenny, who has promised to whisk me away to some exotic location for a few days of rest and relaxation. I promise to take pictures, although if they come out crappy I won’t post them. Which means chances are you won’t see any because pictures rarely come out good with me as the subject. I’m hoping for fun, laughs and to be drunk most of the time. See you when I get back - hopefully Wednesday.
Feel free to hang out and chat amongst yourselves, or leave me love letters if you miss me. But no foodfights in my absence please. We just got the place clean again. Yes, Smith, I’m talking to you and the rest of you know who you are too. And Moe will be keeping an eye on the place as well, so no jiggling the locks, okay?
Also, I have a little gift for a few of my buds posting tomorrow, so take a look.
Later gators! 
PS: Anybody who is bored and feels like flying, go here - h.t. to Ger.
I Want - Theme Fridays
Posted on August 22, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Dreams, Life, future
I want to feel safe in a world gone prefectly mad. I want people to recognize that we are all here together and it could be an amazing adventure if we let it. I want people to be kinder to each other, to pass on the opportunity to have the upper hand and not have to always be right.
I want music, poetry and art to be created from the heart again, without a thought given to the demographics. I want children to go to sleep on full stomachs in warm, clean beds. I want to quit being manipulated by groups with vested interests, especially the ones who tout their ‘good causes.’ I want people who play games to move to their own island and leave the rest of us alone. I want people to value themselves and others more. I want natural disasters to just be the result of weather with no political affiliations.
I want chocolate for breakfast and for men to see all women as the lovely creatures they are and to cherish them. I want women to stop wanting to be men and to give the balls back to their rightful owners.
I want technology to stop - and take a breath - so that we can. I want teenagers to find meaning in books and art and personal relationships instead of their cell phones. I want old people to be respected and revered for their wisdom and experience. I want humor to be funny without being mean.
I want leaders who lead because they have the best interest of their citizens at heart instead of just the ability to talk a good game. I want children to have parents who love them and keep them safe but also teach them the lessons of life. I want every human being on this earth to feel happiness and joy and to put that above things and power.
I want people to say what they mean and mean what they say. I want anyone who can talk out of both sides of their mouth to go work for the circus, not my government. I want to fight the good fight when I have to but I don’t ever want to have to.
I want us all to realize that we are sentient beings and that the way to change things is by changing ourselves - that the answers are not ‘out there’ but rather ‘in here.’
And Christine wants and Jess wants
Is Hillary Still Gasping for Air or is She Dead in the Water?
Posted on August 21, 2008 - Filed Under Election 2008, Politics, adventure, brain farts, candidates, political
I read this article today. It’s mild and a bit bitchy, true. But I have to wonder why it was written at all, if there is no real threat perceived. I know for months many have subscribed to the view that an Obama(nomi)nation is inevitable and frankly, Hillary wasted all that money and those black pant suits for nothing. Apparently she was only there to make it look like he had competition, right?
Hmm…here’s the thing, we all know Hil and she isn’t a quitter. Far from it. I mean the woman who coined the phrase “vast rightwing conspiracy” has always had many tricks up her sleeves and I doubt we even know the half of them. She stuck it out with Bill through 2 or 3 dreary govenortarial terms in Arkansas, then the campaigning, that tacky Fleetwood Mac soundtrack, Monica-Gate, Impeachment, parsing over the meaning of the word is - White Water, the Rose Law Firm, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Vince Harris and lots of bad hairdo’s, so now when her lifelong dream is actually on the table, she’s gonna nod, pat Barack on the fanny and say, you go, guy? Doesn’t sound like Hillary to me. Seriously, does it sound like Hillary to you?
The Dem rules for their convention and nomination process are so complex and contingent on such a wide range of variables that I doubt most scholars could even understand them, much less know when they are being violated. And there is this whole super-delegate thing which apparently (start biting your nails, folks) we won’t know the result of until the actual convention (and when the hell is that?). Conceivably, they could all decide they are going to vote for her. Many of them are not telling who they plan to vote for and since they’ve now decided that Hil will somehow be part of the nomination process, who the hell knows what might happen?
Sure, the Obama camp seems cool and not worried but the fact that they just keep repeating that makes me think they aren’t so cool and could be worried. Plus there are a lot of very bitter Hil supporters who might just want to teach somebody a lesson.
Since you all know I have no vested interest in either candidate because I’d rather extract my own teeth than vote for either one, I just find this an amusing and interesting proposition. Having watched Hil over the years manage to skirt prosecution, jail time and a much needed makeover, I have a very hard time believing this is just going to go clippity clop. Actually, secretly, I’m hoping it doesn’t if for no other reason than this has been the boringest presidential season I have ever witnessed in my entire life. The candidates on both sides couldn’t be more predictable, nor more boring if they tried.
Anyway, I’m wondering what y’all think - any opinions, does the Barack-man have it in the bag or will we be witness to some bizarre out of left field smashdown the likes of which we’ve never seen before? I hope so, I have a lot of popcorn and diet coke waiting and there’s nothing on television worth watching.
And as a bonus sidenote - Grit has got a wailing good tale to tell, which dovetails with this in a twisted nice way.
Wednesday Morning Funnies
Posted on August 20, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, brain farts, funny pics, my opinions, really stupid shit
Apparently there is a little known but powerful faerie, known as the bitch faerie. And while there are apparently millions of stories in the naked city, this is one of them:
Ooops, that’s gotta hurt. 
sorry the dialogue is a bit small, but I think the pictorials do the job.
Zelda and the Money Pit
Posted on August 19, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, Life, WTF?, adventure, brain farts, double yoiks, laughs, little dictators, losers, my opinions, really stupid shit, republicans
Many of you are familiar with my good friend Zelda, we have had many adventures in the past and continue have them, even as we approach our broken down middle aged years. Last year she and another friend of hers decided they didn’t want to work for the rest of their lives and thought it would be a really smart idea to invest in some real estate. They wanted to do the old flipping thing. You know, you buy a place, fix it up and then sell it? Easy as flapjacks, right?
Well Zelda being Zelda, naturally chose the perfect moment to go into this business -about 6 weeks before the crash. Isn’t there a saying…timing is everything…. Before they even had the first wall knocked down the value of property had evaporated like 7-11 gasoline. Though the property they bought was a very cool place up in the canyons with a spectacular view and lots of potential - it had been owned and lived in by a couple of crack heads for years and the work to just make the place livable was overwhelming, much less make it a showcase.
Now before all of this, Zelda had a small, albeit, thriving consulting business which she was doing smashingly with and making very nice income from and was more than comfortable. In fact, she was the only really prosperous one in our group of friends and we often had barbecues, summer cookouts and parties over there and had a lot of fun. Zelda bought the food, we cooked it and everyone ate it - a nice arrangement we all thought. Then this new business idea came to her in a dream or something and within weeks she went from snazzy, savvy businesswoman to beat-up, down-trodden day worker. Each time I saw her she had some new nerve damage, gash, cut, abrasion or burn. I secretly wondered if she was training for an xTreme fighting club soon to debut in Madison Square Garden.
Over the last several months, she has continued to rennovate and do improvements on the place - and whenever asked how much longer to go, her response was, ‘just a couple more weeks’ and after a while none of us asked her because it was apparent that Zelda was going to continue doing improvements until the house was bought and sold and the family moved in and asked her to leave.
She has lost 20 pounds, of which she is quite proud, however, being unable to stand upright and walk without a limp does take away from the newfound svelte figure and really how sexy can you be in a pair of steel toed boots and your big brothers jeans and tees?
Oh yes, back to the money pit part. I cannot reveal how much they paid for the house nor how much they have spent, however I can say that of the 67 credit cards she has, she isn’t sure if any of them have enough left on them to buy dinner, her secret stash is gone, the line of credit they got with the house is gone, her personal lines of credit are gone - and well, they are pretty much going to have to sell the house for close to one million in order to make it worth their while. Yes, welcome to real estate investment in sunny California, folks. It just really isn’t like those cable tv shows where a coat of paint and some new curtains does the trick. To name just a few of the major projects for this house, they: built two decks, refurbished the fireplace, gutted and redid the kitchen, gutted and redid the master bath, built a laundry room, rewired, repiped, put on a new roof, painted inside and out, reguttered, rebuilt the corral and now are tending to the minor details, I wonder if it would have been cheaper to just knock down the old house and start from scratch. We’ll never know.
So anyway, please pray for Zelda, who now has the house listed and it really does look quite beautiful - but if she doesn’t sell it soon, she’ll be living in my backyard, existing on tomatoes, eggplant and mystery squash.
UPDATE:
Zelda just sent me a couple photos here:
Unfortuantely, they do don’t the place justice - the first of the living room and the second is the view from the master bedroom deck.
Also Zelda gave me the following message for you:
Please tell everyone I popped in, and thank them for their well wishes. The double vision is clearing up and I believe that the skull fracture is, in fact, healed. Brain damage was… OK I was going to say minimal, but that may not be entirely true, right? Zelda
Great Gobs of Death & Other Things You Don’t Want in Your Mouth
Posted on August 18, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, brain farts, dining experience, my opinions
So, last night I was having my bi-weekly dinner with Zelda - actually we weren’t supposed to have dinner but she’d called and said she wanted help moving two of her vehicles - which were both at her rental property, blah blah and could I help her out? Sure, I said. Expecting her to be by in five or ten minutes…two hours later she finally shows up and I’m starving cuz I put off eating cuz she was coming right over. Right? No, Zelda has no sense of time. Anyway…I was pretty much gnawing on my own ankle by the time she arrived, so we went to dinner.
Apparently, there was not enough bread, soup and crackers in the joint since I hoovered everything brought to the table the moment it hit my radar. Zelda looked on in apparent horror - what had happened to her friend and who was this pod person sucking up all food in sight? “Blood sugar” I mumbled around a mouthful of something or other. Oh yeah, when I’m in this state I also eat really fast, and Zelda nearly lost two fingers when she reached for the last piece of bread.
Being the odd night that it was, the odd dining behavior and so forth we started talking about how picky an eater I was (while I was literally eating everything in sight) - we argued about what sushi really was and apparently according to Zelda since spicy tuna rolls have mostly rice they aren’t really sushi. Well I thought that was too bad since I call it sushi and I happen to eat it but none of that ‘real’ sushi. Gag me with a spoon. I told her about the time that a date had taken me to a sushi bar and force-fed me a piece of raw, okay, now I’m saying it was raw yellow fin. The minute it hit my mouth it was like a great gob of death, it smelled like old gym shoes and tasted like what I imagined ripe road kill to taste like. So, here I am with this gob of bacterial black plague in my mouth and the date chatting away and smiling cuz he sees the tears in my eyes and thinks I’m so happy to be eating this nuclear waste product - and I’m trying to not actually have my mouth touch it or definitely not taste it. So I somehow manage to excuse myself to the ladies room and as soon as the door closes I Heimlich Manuever that puppy right the hell out. And then of course spent the rest of the evening dying to go home so I could actually eat some real food.
After Zelda got over this story, and composed herself, ensuring she hadn’t actually wet her pants we started talking about other gobs of death that have no business in anyone’s mouth. Pickled Pigs Feet. Have you ever seen these things? They look like the leftovers from a bad operation. And my dear father, God rest his soul, loved these. Whenever he ate them, I refused to go near him for at least two days - I just couldn’t get the image out of my head. The next on the list is anything Roomie makes. He figures as long as he throws olive oil in everything he eats he’s on the life-extending Mederterrainian diet. Okay, are you ready? Fried eggs on top of rice with some fish thrown in for good measure and doused with olive oil. It’s like a hong-kong surprise dock breakfast or something. Oh yeah a bit of raw garlic too. Yummy. Barf. Okra - do I have to explain this? It already looks like something dead and rapidly accumulating a secret disease and then people eat it. I can’t even smell the stuff without thinking of a funeral.
Then there are minor items like:
Anchovies - mmm fury fish - yep I’ll have a double order of those.
Calamari - breaded and deep fried rubber bands - yummy!
Vegemite - sorry my Aussie friends but it tastes like yeast flavored glue.
Powdered cream - why not just go to your local hazardous waste station and scoop some of that into your coffee?
Tripe, chitlins, whole fishes, tongue & haggis - I may have guts but I can’t eat them, nor anything that can look at me or talk to me.
So, those are my great gobs of death, what are yours?
tHis ‘n’ ThAt - weekEnd poSt
Posted on August 17, 2008 - Filed Under Life, beautiful photos, brain farts, mixed bag
Well, it’s Sunday and I’m feeling pretty lazy so a few things for your amusement.
A funny cartoon, no really it’s just supposed to be funny, you know, haha, heehee?
Also, out of the blue the PakSpectre asked me to do an interview, which you can find here. I’m not really sure why they asked me and if any of their readers even know what a Writer Chick is but it was nice and so I did it.
The Universe is a beautiful place:
Here are some nifty tips a friend sent me:
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
14. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals almost everything.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________.
Today I accomplished _________.24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
And YES my friends, I did indeed grow those 1 lb tomatoes that are dwarfing a can of cat food. Purty, ain’t they?
Have a great Sunday!
A Bucketful of Wishes
Posted on August 16, 2008 - Filed Under brain farts, meme, wishes
My chum Teeni, the meme queen, has tagged me to do the bucket list – it has its source in a movie by the same name (I think) wherein Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicolson make a list of the things they want to do before they kick the bucket. Not having seen the movie, I’m not sure, but I suspect they were only allowed eight items or that’s all they came up with – so in the meme, we only get eight items. I probably could have come up with more but I will behave and just stick to my top eight.
1. Sky dive. I realize this may surprise a few people, especially anyone who knows me because I am not the dare devil type. Hell, I don’t even like to drive that much. And part of the reason is because of my chicken-ness and a desire to overcome that. Moreso though, I want to know what it feels like to fly and I think skydiving is the closest you can come to that without involving massive machinery.
2. To write something breahtakingly beautiful. Perfect. So that if I were to die the next day I will have left one thing of worth behind.
3. To fall desperately in love with a man who is also desperately in love with me for some reason. Then have lots of sex – just kidding – well, maybe not – I’ll have to think about that…
4. To go Ireland and visit all the wee villages in County Cork, see if I can find any trace of my ancesters, look up the O’Riordans, the Flanigans and McCrory’s. Drink fresh cream in my coffee, Guinness in a small pub, sing rebel songs whilst sloshed on Guiness and eating multiple pickled eggs, see Stonehenge, and maybe a faerie or leprachaun or two.
5. Publish, several books if possible and hopefully to an eager audience. Boring but the dream of any writer.
6. Eat massive amounts of crab, lobster and shrimp on the Cape in the summer with some very dear friends from both near and far. And jam a lifetime of friendship into a week if at all possible.
7. Find my cabin in the sky. I don’t literally mean a cabin, but my ideal place to live the rest of my life. I have had an image in my head since I was a little girl of this place; it is peaceful, beautiful and lush, and gives me a quiet energy that is restorative, where I can write inspired pieces and feel happy, safe and loved.
8. And last but not least to be able to meet each and every one of my virtual/blogger/internet friends. I envision some wild reunion or meeting hall or something, all of us there, laughing our asses off, exchanging phone numbers, recipes, photos, invitations to visit. Being happily surprised by how different we all are from what thought and yet how much the same. Lots of food, lots of bbq’ing, lots of talk, adventures, laughs. Just the best time ever. I wonder if could rent a town for a week? Something to think about.
Okay, that’s my bucketful of wishes – and there would have been more but I think that’s a pretty good list.
I’m not one to tag, so I will leave it to anyone who hasn’t yet done the meme (and there may only be a few left) to grab it and run with it. Thanks Teens, I really enjoyed this one.
