The House of Cold
Posted on January 5, 2009 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, Life, brain farts
Greetings from the East Coast. Yeah, right…
Before I embarked on my sojourn eastward my wonderful man found us an idyllic little house. It was small and sweet, had skylights and a great big deck. Lots of trees and space. I fell in love with it. I couldn’t wait to go east and move right in. I just knew it was meant for us and us alone and that we would be ever so happy there.
Then…
We moved in. To say that my expectations came to a crashing halt doesn’t begin to describe the folly that this house has become. Or perhaps always was and we just had to learn the hard way? Now having been a California girl for many many years I had no idea what it was like to feel really cold. I mean C.O.L.D. cold. Yup, it was quite the reality adjustment and frankly I am still adjusting. Well the funny thing about this house is that it didn’t really have conventional heating, it had heaters attached to the walls. At first I thought they were those heated floorboard contraptions that used water or steam to heat the air, a kind of convection gizmo that would make us all toasty and warm. Actually, what they really are is glorified space heaters. Now, anyone who has ever used an electric space heater knows just how much energy they use and how much they can jack up your electric bill. It’s too ugly to even report what ours came in at. Too ugly indeed. And the bitch of it is that it STILL didn’t make the place warm.
In the mornings when I finally managed to crawl out of the warm bed, which immediately would set my teeth to chattering I would go out to the livingroom to say good morning to my love, only to find him bundled up in jacket and full fatigues and still looking a little blue.
I simply got used to having fingers that felt like ice and really no amount of socks could really warm my feet. I suppose it was cute at first, our bundling up on the futon under blankies to watch t.v. and see our breath fog at the same time but really how long can camping be a laugh riot?
And taking a shower was also quite the adventure since you had to really hurry before the water ran out. We did in all fairness discover the water heater had been turned down and once it was adjusted the water got hotter, but it still didn’t last long. We both got very good and super quick showers too.
And oh yeah, the cable. The company was very nice and for such a little house it would seem easy to wire us up for our internet and cable, right? Well apparently, not so much. The first time they came out they spent hours putting in cable and taking out what was useless and all sorts of things that were frankly above my pay scale. But a couple of days later we couldn’t get any channels on the cable. Out came another fellow who opined that there was something wrong with the internal cable and if we wanted to have him do it off the books he could come by the next weekend. Opting to go the legal route we contacted the company again and it was discovered our ‘drop’ (whatever the hell that is) was faulty and they put in a temporary one until they could put in a permanent one. The problem was solved eventually and we now get cable but jeez, was life trying to tell us something about this funny little place? Yeah, probably.
Then there was the case of the mysteriously dirty clothes that would not come clean. On our first try at solving this mystery, we realized that the water heater for the laundry room was off and we were washing clothes in icy cold water and thought, ‘aha!’ that was certainly the problem. Well the landlord, who happens to be the nicest fellow you’d ever want to meet got right on it and fixed that and we had nice hot water to wash clothes with. Still the clothes remained stubborn and just refused to really come clean. “Odd,” thought I as I frowned at the results. I guess my clothes just liked being dirty, eh?
A few days later, I thought I would try yet again to get the dinge out of my wearables and dragged a big basket of clothes out there. For whatever reason, I decided to sort all the clothes there and it was a good thing because I made a startling discovery. The washing machine apparently does not know how to agitate. Nope, it just hums a lovely tune on its way to the final rinse and spin. “Aha!” I said and this time realized why the clothes didn’t come clean, the machine just wasn’t washing them. Good discovery, but I was still stuck with dirty clothes.
So, today I selected some key items and washed them by hand. Now, I’m not talking about fine washables I’m talking about tough and sturdy clothes that really don’t take to hand washing. It was a close call for a while but I managed to win the dirt fest and then dragged them soggy and panting to the washer for a rinse and a spin. I know they still won’t be as clean as they should be but it’s better than nothing.
Then there is also the case of the mysterious electric stove. Now, generally speaking I’ve always cooked on a gas range and so getting used to the electric was strange. I still don’t have it down as the burners seem to turn on and off as they see fit and since all but ‘off’ and ‘high’ has been worn off the dials I really am only guessing at the temp that I am cooking with. And then there is that oven light that comes on and goes off at will too. Strange that. You wouldn’t have that happening with a gas stove I can tell you that.
The landlord, being the nice fella that he is got a professional heating guy in there and he put in a different heating system and I will admit that it is warmer here than it was. (Of course this was after hours of cold air blasting through the holes in the floor and we are still cleaning up tile dust…) We can’t see our breath inside anymore, which is good. But it never really gets warm in here. You know what I mean?
And then there is the obvious missing closets. Why we didn’t really notice it until we had dragged half our stuff in is beyond me - still in the honeymoon phase I guess or just made stupid by all the toting and dragging but nope, there is nowhere to hang anything either. Thanks to Target, I did manage to get one of those rollable hanging racks but as you can imagine, less than ideal.
I have to say that the last few weeks has felt like I was living in the movies, Mr Blandings Gets His Dream House and The Money Pit - without being aware of the fact that I’d been cast and they were filming. Somebody wake me, puleeze!
And so, it seems that we will be leaving our sweet little cabin in the sky - which is really okay with me. In his infinite wisdom, my man never did let his apartment go and we will be returning to it this weekend. Can I get an amen? A heater that works, endless hot water and washing machines on every floor. A gym in the basement and a gas stove. Yep, I’m willing and might I say happy to trade in that sweet little yard for all the creature comforts of normalcy. Call me crazy but there you have it.
It’s too bad that I won’t be able to see my daffodils and irises bloom in the Spring but I guess I could just go down to Lowe’s and look at theirs every now and then, eh?
Enough About Me…What Do You Think About Me???
Posted on January 3, 2009 - Filed Under Just For Fun, brain farts, meme
The weekend is always a good time for a meme - admittedly, it’s not much of one but there you have it. Have a good weekend, folks. 
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, a German actress, Anita Ekberg
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? A few days ago when I was so cold I couldn’t stand it.
3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Pastrami
4. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not unless you count my dog and cat.
5. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Of course I’d like to say yes, but I can be a pain in the ass so maybe not.
6. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Who me?
7. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
8. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, I figure if I want to see my life pass before my eyes there are more fun ways to go about it.
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Oatmeal with raisins and brown sugar.
10. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF. Hell no.
11. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not only do I think it, I know it.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Gold Medal Ribbon (Baskins & Robbins)
13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Whether or not they look me in the eye.
14. RED OR PINK? Pink of course
15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I’m too careful sometimes.
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST. My Dad…always my Dad.
17. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Not wearing shoes but I do have on some very cute pink fuzzy socks.
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Cheese omelette and toast.
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The television going in the other room and the heater guy drilling holes in the floor.
20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? If I were a crayon my color would be the least of my worries.
21. FAVORITE SMELLS? The ocean, jasmine, baking bread, Bill
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Zelda
23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? After Christmas sale shopping.
24. HAIR COLOR? Blonde
25. EYE COLOR? Sea-green
26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope
27. FAVORITE FOOD? Chocolate
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings, I gave up scary movies once I was smart enough to be grossed out by them and didn’t think it was a good thing.
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Sabrina
30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Maroon
31. SUMMER OR WINTER? Most definitely summer
32. HUGS OR KISSES? I refuse to choose
33. FAVORITE DESSERTS? Pumpkin pie, chocolate funnel cake, strawberry short cake.
34. I’M MOST LIKELY TO…? Put my foot in my mouth and then write a poem, story or post about it.
35. I’M LEAST LIKELY TO…? Hold a grudge.
36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Not reading any books right now…
37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My mouse, my hand, probably some Christmas cookie crumbs…
38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Constantine, Sabrina & Sex in the City.
39. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The Ocean, morning birds, night rain, evening breeze rustling the trees.
40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles
41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Florida
42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Well, I can write, although I don’t know if it’s special. I’m also a great cook, gardener, furniture refinisher and bargain hunter. Again, don’t know if you would call that special.
43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? McKeesport, PA
The New Year List
Posted on January 1, 2009 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, brain farts
At this stage of my life I have learned to not do silly things like make resolutions. I mean honestly, who needs a new year to pop up in order to make changes in their life? Not I, certainly. However, I do have a list of things that I do want to do or keep doing, so I’m calling that my New Year list. So this year I promise…
1. Not to spend $10 to $500 on any prepackaged diet plan, odd exercise equipment or dvd fitness sets. In fact, I will spend nothing. Nada. If I want to get fit I know how to do it, spending money is really not how to get good muscle tone, you know?
2. I will only drive my car when I feel the need to express my road rage or to prove the fact that I cannot talk on the cell phone and drive at the same time. (This is my contribution to planetary Green actions.)
3. I will not change my address three times over a twelve month period. Let’s be honest, that many change of address cards is just cruel to the postal carrier.
4. I will maintain and cultivate all my bad habits and possibly discover a couple of new ones to add to my arsenal of tricks. And anyone who suggests I might do some sort of self improvement will be immediately removed from my Christmas card list.
5. To bitch, moan and complain about politicians, gas prices, stupid people, assclowns and the general deteriorating state of the world at large with wild abandon.
6. To write even more stupid lists like this one in the coming year. And don’t get me started on memes….
7. To never shut up nor withhold my two cents about anything or anyone. Ever.
8. That when I see someone being cruel to children, animals and old people I will go out of my way to kick their sorry asses.
9. To never make meatloaf the same way twice.
10. To become one with my fat ass and just enjoy that damn doughnut since I’m definitely eating it anyway.
11. To sing Christmas carols in July and barbecue in November and wear war paint to work every other Thursday, especially if I find a job in customer service.
12. To eat chocolate at every opportunity and insist it is a prescription drug when people suggest I shouldn’t eat so much chocolate.
13. To make people laugh, to think and even to argue with me whenever I can.
14. To make sure all the people in my life know that I love them and that they are important to me.
15. To stop worrying about the small stuff and screw the details.
16. To never forget that no matter what else life is, it is always an amazing adventure and should be treated as such.
Happy New Year, everybody. What’s on your new year list?
Prediction, Predictions, Who’s Got ‘Em?
Posted on December 30, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, are we idiots?, assclowns, brain farts, predictions
A new year is just about here and given the year that we just had, I can’t even imagine what might happen next…well, actually maybe I can imagine. As I did last year and the year before that, I offer the following predictions as but a tiny slice of the fun and games I believe is coming in a future near you.
1. Hillary Clinton will bitch-slap lil Kim of N. Korea for grabbing the last lamb chop at her first televised state dinner.
2. OJ Simpson now hopelessly incarcerated for a bogus crime to pay for the crime he actually committed but was acquitted of, will start his own religion which will emphasize starting the day with fruit juice.
3. A Congressional Oversight Committee will be formed to investigate the suspicious use and possible abuse of powdered sugar in the pastry industry.
4. Hyper-miling will become mandatory in the state of California, which will really make it easier to talk on the cell phones.
5. Bigfoot will be discovered and captured and after extensive DNA testing it will be found to be the illegitimate offspring of Teddy Kennedy and Janet Reno.
6. Jesse Jackson will ‘come out’ via a tell-all memoir in which he will admit to having a long standing love affair with the Reverand Al Sharpton.
7. Silver back Gorrillas, previously believed to be a vanishing species will launch a surprise takeover of urban America by using a network of ape cells secretly formed in zoos across the country.
8. President-elect Obama will be proven to not be a natural citizen of the United States and deemed ineligible to be President. An ‘emergency’ election will be held and once again, Hillary will get yet another chance at the brass ring.
9. Honda will open its first factory in China and consequently have the largest recall in auto manufacturing history, which will bankrupt them. Congress will bail them out to ensure China’s economy is saved.
10. Virtual cheating will become bonafide grounds for divorce and affect child custody cases as well.
11. Several members of Congress will be disagnosed with a new mental affliction known as BOBS (bail out blues syndrome) which inexplicably causes them to break out into rousing show tunes on the House and Senate floors.
12. Hundreds of hats will wash up on the Jersey shore, confounding local law enforcement, neccesitating calling in the FBI to pursue and apprehend (who the press have deemed) the Mad Hatter. (Clue: look for rabbits)
13. Joe the Plumber will land his own reality television show called “My Two Cents.” The contestants will be a bunch of sissy ass whiners worried about the erosion of their personal freedoms and about which people don’t really give a shit. The whiner most popular with the media wins and of course gets a check for two cents as prize money.
14. Global warming will strike once again and the East Coast will experience the most temperate winter in weather recorded history. Conversely, California will close all freeways during a state of emergency called because of snow storms. Bob sleds will become the new ‘green’ commuter busses.
As always, feel free to add to the list. Happy New Year!
Fresh Start
Posted on December 28, 2008 - Filed Under Random Thoughts, brain farts, breathe, something to think about
Fresh Start
It has been pointed out by a friend of mine recently that one of the things we can do when all has gone to shit is to wipe the slate clean. Meaning nobody has any marks for or against them - all is beginning from square one and off we go.
This year I have been witness to some very incredible things - some which I quite frankly can’t believe and am still getting my wits wrapped around (witness the most inexperienced candidate in history is about to become the leader of the free world), some quite devastating, some fun, some surprising and some just downright annoying. Looking back over the last year and the events contained in it, makes me want to adopt this fresh start philosophy.
Because the truth is, that no matter where I started out and how I meant things to go, they didn’t - no matter what my intention was, things did not go that way, no matter how much I wish I could change yesterday I can’t. And after a while, don’t you really have to stop lamenting about your mistakes and bad decisions? You have to let go of whatever is annoying you about things and move on, right?
I think so anyway. The great thing about fresh starts is that you can stop making excuses and quit worrying about all the many ways in which you fucked up. You can throw all that crap in the junk drawer of your mind and move onto, hopefully, bigger and better things. It’s sort of a baggage reprieve if you will. All that baggage of guilt and bad past experiences that you’ve been carrying around, you can just dump. As though it never happened. Well maybe not quite that but you get the idea.
I actually think maybe it should be a law or something that at the end of each year everyone is required to stop holding any grudges they may have, cease and desist and being pissed at anybody they are, apologize to one and all for any stupid or fucked up things they’ve done, forgive everyone who screwed them over and then move on. We’re all friends again, the hard feelings are gone and we all have a new lease on life. Wouldn’t that be a cool law? Actually, no we better not make it a law because then someone will figure out a way to make it a big fucking bummer, which we have plenty of already. Maybe tradition is a better idea?
So, anyway, here goes. I officially forgive anyone who has pissed me off or hurt me this year; I officially apologize to anyone that I treated badly, upset, hurt, worried or just pissed off in general; Any grudge I have been harboring is hereby dissolved; and I grant myself and anyone I know a fresh start where I and they are concerned.
I feel better, how about you?
The Last Christmas
Posted on December 24, 2008 - Filed Under Christmas, Spiritual, fiction, stories
It was the last Christmas they would ever spend together. And the worst.
Betty felt the living cliche of every hokey holiday story ever told. Her only daughter, Marlee, was now officially dying. Despite endless chemo treatments, that had ravaged what life was left out of Marlee, the cancer had won. “We’re sorry,” the hospital staff had said but Betty thought they really meant, ‘we’re tired.’ After weeks of living without heat, except for what could be generated in the small and inefficient fireplace in their apartment, the landlord successfully evicted them - during Christmas week.
Betty still had the old Chevy and the heater worked all right in it - so what little possessions they had, they piled into the car and made it home. “Merry fucking Christmas,” she yelled and waved to Irv Stanley, her ex-landlord as they drove off toward God knew what.
Betty was still able bodied and knew she could get work and that in fact there was work to be had. However, Marlee couldn’t be left alone. She was too weak and too sick and Betty’s worst nightmare was to come home to find her only child had died alone in the cold. There would be time enough to find work and to work again after Marlee was gone.
Instead, Betty drove the streets of the neighborhood, looking for recyclables and safe places to stop and park for a while. Marlee slept most of the time and when she did wake she talked about Santa Claus and wondered how he would be able to find them if they were driving around in an old car.
“Marlee, you’re sixteen years old honey, you know there ain’t no Santa Claus,” Betty said gently.
“Oh mama,” Marlee’s voice was high and reedy and Betty could hear the cancer in it. “I know…but I might as well pretend, don’t you think?” She tried to laugh but ended up coughing for what seemed forever.
Betty gripped the steering wheel as she listened to the life pour out of her daughter’s body with every wheeze and cough. “God damned genes,” she muttered and cursed the family heridity that visited disease upon them.
“It’s not the genes, Mama,” Marlee said, “just bad luck. Just bad luck.” And then she drifted off to sleep or unconsciousness, Betty never knew which. Uttering a few sentences exhausted Marlee so much that she would need hours to recuperate from a small conversation.
There was nowhere to go - all Betty’s relatives were far away and struggling themselves. It would hardly make sense to drive hundreds of miles to see them to ask for help - and even if she did, Marlee wouldn’t survive the trip. So, she drove and she drove and she drove. At night, she went to the Dunkin’ Doughnuts for coffee and two plain doughnuts. “Please try to eat it, honey,” she would beg Marlee.
“I can’t, Mama. I don’t want food. You eat it. You need it.” Then she would drift off again.
Betty would pull the old blankets up around her to make her warm, even though she knew Marlee would never be warm again. “I love you, baby. Mama’s here. Everything is all right,” she whispered, certain somehow Marlee heard her and it made a difference. That she knew in Betty’s eyes she was still the beautiful blond-haired, blue-eyed beauty who was going to conquer the world someday.
“She will go with God,” a melodic voice came from nowhere.
Betty’s eyes roamed the interior of the car. No one there but she and Marlee. No sounds but the chug of a tired engine, Marlee’s labored breathing and Betty’s sniffles. “I’m losing it now. Maybe it’s for the best. I should just shut off the engine and go to sleep with my baby. Let them find us and let it be done.” Betty put the car into drive and found a good parking spot. One that was sheltered from the wind by an old birch tree and the overhang of the building. No one would notice them there for a while. She could just turn off the engine, wrap sleeping bag around her and let the cold take them both. Why not?
“It is not your time,” the voice came again.
Still no one there - not even an apparition or gossamer vision dressed in silk and haloes. Betty wondered if hyperthermia had already begun. She was hearing voices. She tried to remember if that was a symptom of a stroke or something else, then she recalled it was something to do with smelling and smiling and so knew that the voice was not an anuerism coming to visit.
“Let’s go to church, Mama,” Marlee wheezed.
Betty saw Marlee’s face in the rear view mirror and it seemed to glow. She was sure it was the halogen lamps in the parking lot but maybe it was something else. “Okay baby, we’ll go to church but you know I don’t believe. There are no angels or miracles, just a building with pretty windows.”
Marlee nodded and the glow remained with her. Betty drove slowly through the cold night that dusted everything in powdery white. The church was a silver beacon in the bitter night. It took much effort to get Marlee out of the car, and still swaddled in blankets and up the steps of the church. “But why do you want to go in?” Betty asked her frail little girl.
“They’re waiting for me,” Marlee said but this time in her own voice, somehow recaptured. Or maybe it was just what Betty wanted to hear.
The door was heavy and Betty fought with it before it to obeyed and gave them entrance and it closed with authority and a thud behind them. Then they stood in the dark but candle lit sanctuary for a moment and then Marlee led her mother toward the front pew, where she sat and motioned Betty to join her.
“Honey, we can’t stay here. They won’t let us,” Betty whispered, her eyes darting and on the look out for annoyed priests.
“Quiet, Mama,” Marlee shushed her. “They are telling me what to do.”
“Who is telling you what to do?” Betty asked and felt a cold climb up her back.
Marlee put her arms around Betty and squeezed as tightly as she could. “It’s okay now. I can sleep now. Merry Christmas, Mama.” And then she pulled away and lay down on the bench of prayers.
Betty nodded and squeezed Marlee’s hand. “That’s right baby, you sleep for now. You get your rest and then we’ll go.
‘It is done,’ the voice of melody returned.
Betty shook her head but she knew that the voice, whether it belonged to an angel or was part of her own madness was right. Marlee had taken her final sleep and Betty was alone. It was done.
As tears streamed down Betty’s face, she tucked in her daughter one last time and kissed her forehead. “Good bye, my angel.”
She looked to the altar and said: “On this Christmas day, I give to you, my only child. Please take her to your safe place, your heaven, your kingdom and never let her feel pain again. Amen and thank you, God.”
And Betty walked out into the snowy night, knowing that her angel was in God’s hands and he would keep her safe from that day forward.
copyright 2008
What does Christmas really mean?
Posted on December 22, 2008 - Filed Under Christmas, brain farts, life metaphor
I suppose it could mean many different things to many different people - it may honestly just be a matter of one’s perspective. For some it means the birth of Christ, for some it means presents and Santa Claus, for some it means good food shared with good friends, and for others it means depression, isolation and lonliness.
Aside from the religious aspects of the holiday, which I was (as I suspect were most of us) taught as a child, Christmas most definitely seems to have other meanings. Or should I say has come to mean other things to people. People the world over, celebrate Christmas, look forward to Christmas, devote endless hours to Christmas preparations - entire industries have been built on Christmas. So, I’d have to say that Christmas is a big deal.
I guess what I’m getting at is why is it such a big deal to people? Is it just because it’s nice to get presents, paid time off from work and to eat rich and delicious foods? Or does it go deeper than that? I have been thinking a lot lately about why Christmas is such a big deal to me. As far back as I can remember it has been important to me, and I’ve been trying to figure out how the importance was conveyed to me. Was it all the many old Christmas movies I’ve watched again and again since childhood, the pretty Christmas light displays, the Christmas music, the big party of it all? Actually, I don’t think so.
While all or most of those things have served to reinforce my love of Christmas there has (for me) always been one resounding theme to it. That theme is, our best. The thing about Christmas that makes me really love it is that it seems to inspire people to be at their best, do their best, show their best. It is the one time of year when people can be kind, happy, cheerful, etc. for no reason other than the season. People just seem to try harder to be happy and kind then. And I think that even as a small child I felt that, I sensed it and I loved it. I never quite understood why it seemed to disappear not long after Christmas but it was always something to look forward to for me.
I admit it, I am a closet optimist - which likely accounts for much of my cynicism - I really just want everyone to be happy - and somehow believe it is my job to bring that about. Silly as it sounds when I type the words out here on the page and debate whether or not I’ll publish them, it’s true.
So I guess I will just say that Christmas means a special kind of time out, from the stresses and disappointments of life - it means a new opportunity to be happy, to show our happy selves, to share ourselves with others and to be nice for no reason at all. Yes, that’s what it means to me…what does it mean to you?
Someday…
Posted on December 21, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Guest Post, adventure, hope
For those of you who do not know Alex, please do check out his newsletter and website. It is very much worth the time. WC
The sea above – how do you see it? As a fantasy fulfilled or the beginning of a dangerous voyage? For people suffering some Someday Syndrome, it’s the latter – a place without a map, without a compass and without hope.
The Someday Syndrome blog guides people across the Someday Sea, freeing you from traveling in circles without destination. Through the various resources available on the blog, you can finally be free from procrastination and fear, from an unaware/unexamined life, and especially from unhappiness.
How? By looking down on the details of your life from the 50,000ft view and charting a clear course through the confusion.
The site offers a DIY email-based workshop and almost daily posts that include interviews, sample mentoring, rants, and an update on the Someday Journey of the blog author, Alex Fayle. And in January, Alex is introducing two new features: a weekly guest post looking at the Someday Journeys of other bloggers as well as a newsletter, offering tips and stories outside the typical blog format.
You can pre-subscribe to the newsletter from the site’s homepage at http://www.somedaysyndrome.com. As well, you can see a complete list of articles and sign up to receive blog posts either through RSS or email at http://www.somedaysyndrome.com/blog
Breaking News…
Posted on December 20, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, brain farts
(Sent to me by my mother, no less - so you know it’s true. )
In 2009 the government will start deporting all the mentally ill people.
I started crying when I thought of you. Run my little retarded friend, run!
Well, what can I say?? Someone sent it to me, and damn it, I’m NOT going alone!!!
Holiday Eating Tips from Zelda
Posted on December 19, 2008 - Filed Under Christmas, Food, Humor, my opinions
So, Zelda sent me these tips and I thought I’d pass them along.
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
Have a great holiday season!!
