Mixed Bag
Posted on December 30, 2006 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., Deep thoughts, Life, Random Thoughts, adventure, good wishes, head exploding, i dunno, in my head, introspection, motivation, reflections, voices in my head, yoiks
Usually the end of the year is a pretty fun time for me. I love the holidays and the cooking and the eating and the laughing and all around making jolly stuff. A week of happy absent-mindedness follows and then the new year sort of mosies on in - like a new pair of comfy slippers you slide into. Then I start the traditional de-cluge and start chucking accumulated junk, clothes that don’t fit or I never wear, knick knacks that are weird, old socks, dustballs, furballs, this, that and so on. The purge feels good, and it goes nicely with the taking down the tree and putting away all the Christmas stuff routine. Then I start to make plans - what do I want to accomplish in the new year? What do I want to try? Who do I want to meet? Where do I want to go? Stuff like that.
However, this year has not been like that. It kicked off in a sort of rocky fashion and really it’s been rough waters for pretty much the whole ride. It started off asking for a raise and getting a token one - big disappointment but I managed to live with it. Constant attempts at diets that just didn’t go anywhere but the back of my mind to nag me. A lot of shifts in relationships - some good, some bad. A lot of the ‘usual’ activities carried on with my friends didn’t happen. We saw less of each other - busy lives, other things and responsibilities to attend to, shit happens. Roomie was laid off and even though it didn’t happen to me, I still felt the sting of it in a thousand different, tiny little ways - and I even got a bit depressed about it. Zelda, my usual comrade in adventure was otherwise engaged between work and caring for a friend who had suddenly taken ill. The company I work for started to tumble and is tumbling still - which may not seem like a big deal to many but I’d worked very hard to market the company and get its revenue up and had succeeded (hence the request for a raise) and then it all went to shit. I honestly don’t know where we’re going from here. The little voice tells me to get another job - and perhaps that is what will happen - but when you invest that much effort and creativity in something it hurts to see it go by the wayside.
I also started blogging. At a friend’s urging. I didn’t think I’d like it and was surprised to discover I did - and how. There were times, honestly, no lie, when the only thing I had to look forward to was blogging. To see comments from readers, to see my hit stats increasing and increasing. In a strange way, it got me through some very depressed moments. For that, I thank you, Michael and you, readers. Obviously, I couldn’t have done it without you and no matter what happens in the future it’s been a helluva ride and a delight by and large.
The other byproduct of this year is that I find I’ve been doing a lot more thinking that I usually do - I suppose part of it is because of the blogging because you’re always looking at what you’re going to post next - you’re more engaged in the thought process of life I suppose because of it. But it was also what has been happening in the world this last year - politically speaking, it’s been brutal to the point that I can sometimes barely stand to read any news. So much hatred and vitriole spewed this way and that. So much stupidity and lack of care from people in general. Efforts to essentially outlaw religion, rename Christmas and turn our government into the evil, maniacal machine - whilst fellows like Chavez for example is some great humanitarian. Turns my stomach. And made me seriously worry about what will happen to our world if we don’t wake up and do something.
So, I’d have to say this year has been a mixed bag and the new year coming seems to be a mystery bag in the making. I don’t know the course the ship is going to take - but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe if I let the ship guide me the adventure will be a delightful surprise. I sure hope so.
Happy New Year everybody. It’s been a pleasure meeting and knowing every one of you. I thank you for the pleasure of your company, your comments, your insights and your humor. A completely unanticipated but much appreciated gift.
Much love,
WC
Burn in Hell Saddam
Posted on December 29, 2006 - Filed Under Current Events, Politics, Rants/Opinions, acts of valor, burn in hell, double yoiks, iraq, little dictators, my opinions, rat bastards, support our troops
May he burn in the fires of Hell for all eternity. Saddam is dead. And may this be the end of rape rooms, mass graves, mass murder and genocide in Iraq.
Read it here.
Although there are many more monsters in the world - I can still be thankful that this monster is gone. Amen.
WC
To Every Thing…
Posted on December 29, 2006 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Inspirational Words, Life, classics, favorites, motivation, wisdom
I find this rather appropriate to consider especially as one year ends and a new one begins. WC
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
15 That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
16 And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.
17 I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.
18 I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.
19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.
20 All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
21 Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?
22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?
Ecclesiastes 3 King James Bible
What if???
Posted on December 28, 2006 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, WTF?, What If?, adventure, double yoiks, head exploding, in my head, laughs, possibilities, really stupid shit, temporary insanity, voices in my head
You know sometimes I have the weirdest thoughts. I was thinking today - well actually I was trying not to think and then that icky, creepy nagging about my job security reared its ugly head and well… hence the weird thoughts.
Anyway, I was thinking what if I went home and did whatever it is I do to entertain myself until bedtime and then I went to sleep AND when I woke up in the morning - the whole world was changed. I mean totally, completely and utterly changed. What would that be like? Would I still exist? Would anyone know my name? Would anyone know anyone’s name? What language would we be speaking?
Would it be a wonderful opportunity for the world to get a second chance? To do things right this time? To have only honest politicians, caring teachers, fair cost of goods? One universal language? Peace on Earth? Would it even be called Earth?Would there be a totally different gravitational pull?
Maybe fat would be beatiful - of course with my luck if that were the case, I’d probably be skinny - but still. What if?
What if men had to give birth to the next generation and had pms? What if women really did have balls? My goodness the possibilities are endless. It could be a really fun, whacky place.
Or…we could all wake up with bar codes on our necks whilst being scanned by giant gila monsters.
Interesting idea though, huh?
What would your world be like if you could wake up and make it anything you wanted?
WC
Resolve
Posted on December 27, 2006 - Filed Under Current Events, Deep thoughts, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, WTF?, acts of idiocy, acts of valor, adventure, dasterdly deeds, double yoiks, funny bone, i dunno, in my head, laughs, really stupid shit, resolutions, satire, tricks and advice, voices in my head
This is the time of year that we are all supposed to take stock of our lives - at least the most current part of same - and see the errors of our ways, things that can be improved, bad habits that can be shed, reaffirmations of goals forgotten, lost or abandoned. Pretty serious stuff.
I don’t know about you - but I’ve never been very big on New year resolutions. The concept sounds nice in theory - the old clean slate approach. The old year is ending and the new upon us, why not make those changes, improvements, goals in that same spirit? Well logic tells me that if a person wanted to make those changes, lose that 20 pounds, quit smoking, stop dating co-dependent men/women, become more centered, find the peace within themselves, fly to the moon or stop drinking, carousing and/or in any form improve themselves or their lives they’d just do it. I mean cripes, how silly to only give oneself that small window of opportunity to affect a change in their lives.
So, I was thinking that a new trend might be in order. I think at the stroke of midnight in the first minute of the new year we should all sit down and resolve what stupid, idiot, assinine behavior we simply won’t give up. It probably won’t help anything either, but it could be a lot more fun:
On the first minute of the new year of 2007 I resolve:
1. To continue flipping off people who cut me off in traffic. I may add to that a short stint of manical stalking - at least for the next quarter mile.
2. To tell stupid people that they are stupid and they either need to get smart or stop taking up space.
3. To add several more obnoxious patriotic bumper stickers to my car.
4. To spend money I don’t have.
5. To buy frivolous things with the money I don’t have.
6. To find the sourest puss in the grocery store line and to make faces at them til they laugh or leave and get me that much closer to the checkout.
7. To make fun of the Clintons, John Kerry, Jimmy Carter, Imajihad, Lil Kim of Korea, Rosie O’Donnell, Mike Wallace, Maureen Dowd, Brad & Angelina, Rodney the idiot, Al Gore, myself and pretty much anybody I feel like.
8. To squeeze my fat ass into jeans that are too small, whilst taking small, rapid breaths (who knows I could meet someone on the bus).
9. To call AT&T and scream at them for general purposes.
10. To be proud of my big fat ass.
11. To say whatever stupid-ass thing that comes into my head.
12. To refuse to diet.
13. To have more adventures with Zelda and anybody else who has the stomach for it.
14. To pretend I don’t remember what year I was born.
15. To eat ice cream and hot dogs and wave flags on the Fourth of July.
16. To like and admire George W. Bush.
17. To believe that there is a God and no amount of indoctrination will ever change that.
18. To know that most hearts are in the right place but that minds and mouths often aren’t.
19. To have fun even when life sucks.
20. To wear funny socks that so don’t go with my outfit.
21. To not care how I look in the bank television monitor.
22. To watch movies that make me feel good.
23. To write stories that I love.
24. To blog my fricking ass off (hey maybe it will work???)
25. To know that every day is a miracle - even if I have to try very hard to see it.
Those are my resolutions - how’s about you?
WC
Merry Christmas
Posted on December 25, 2006 - Filed Under Christmas, Holiday, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, adventure, favorites, laughs, naughty or nice, really stupid shit, wishes, yoiks
Have a safe and happy Christmas.
WC
How to Tell if Your Christmas Eve Bash is a Success
Posted on December 24, 2006 - Filed Under Christmas, Holiday, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, WTF?, acts of idiocy, acts of valor, adventure, classics, dining experience, double yoiks, favorites, funny bone, laughs, naughty or nice, perfect evenings, really stupid shit, satire, tricks and advice
I’m not really one of those people who throws holiday parties. I’ll definitely do the dinners and cook up a storm, but when it drifts over to the party category I defer to ones better than I at such things. Happily, I have friends (Zelda) who do parties and I’ve been able to get a real observer’s station at same and feel I can pass along a few tips:
Your Christmas Eve bash is a success if:
1. Your guests don’t use the deserts as an ashtray.
2. The gag gifts you pass around don’t actually gag anyone.
3. You have no one by the name of Skip, Muffy or Biff on the guest list.
4. None of your guests notice the wee paw prints left by your several pets in the dip.
5. The groans you hear whilst guests are munching is because of the deliciousness of the food, not because they have broken a tooth.
6. Your choice of music does not prompt your guests to ask why you are playing funeral dirges.
7. The Christmas movie you make especially for the occasion is coherent and possibly causes your guests to chortle with laughter.
8. Guest do not refuse to take home leftover food and deserts when offered.
9. You do not require a first aid kit to have a fun time.
10. You do not invite people who discuss their recent operations around the fondue pot.
11. Your guests are too drunk to notice you have broken out the cheap wine.
12. You remember everyone’s name through-out the entire evening. Or they don’t hear you when you call them buddy.
13. No one shows up in surfer shorts and asks why all the old people are there.
14. The pets do not break through the barricade you have spent the last three days building.
15. You manage to delete and/or photoshop all the pictures of you before they are viewed.
16. You get through the evening without losing a pet or a guest.
17. Everyone leaves before you fall asleep in the family room.
18. The following morning you wake up to discover Santa’s elves have cleaned up the entire mess and you can go back to sleep.
There may be more and perhaps you can add a few - but in the meantime…
I’ve Got a Branch, Let’s Make a Tree! 12 days of xmas #12
Posted on December 23, 2006 - Filed Under Christmas, Holiday, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Santa, Tall Tales, acts of idiocy, acts of valor, adventure, bad hair day, classics, dear santa, double yoiks, favorites, funny bone, head exploding, laughs, memories, naughty or nice, nostalgia, perfect evenings, really stupid shit, temporary insanity
For many years I had the best room mate ever. Let’s call her Buffy. We met while we were both working at a cute, little dive called New York George’s. It served tacky New York Diner food and was a very popular place, especially considering it was tiny and had no real designer ambience to it. What was fun about the place was that everybody was a wise guy and the customers really delighted in being harrassed by the waitresses. Which of course, was right up our respective alleys.
Now Buffy is a very cute girl, who is very tall, has big feet and a laugh that can split your eardrum if you get too close to her when she lets one rip. She also has a heart of gold and I love her like a sister. Truly family in all the really great sense that that word can conjure.
We became fast friends and I convinced her to become my room mate and share the house I was renting from a friend (henceforth known as the Psycho-Lady). The house was cute and pretty comfortable but it was basically in the ghetto section of Pasadena. Which may not exist now but did then. We were the only non-ethnic folk in the neighborhood and I guess were regarded as a sort of oddity although no one ever hassled us, nor did we feel unsafe - it just was what it was.
Both Buffy and I are Christmas nuts. We would die happy if we could permanently live in a Hallmark card. Buffy has her own collection of glass reigndeer ornaments which she has been collecting since she was a child. These are like gold to her. And they are amazingly beautiful - the first time I saw them I think I let out a little orgasmic Christmas gasp. Even today they sparkle in my mind.
Needless to say, like every other year before it we were excitedly anticipating Christmas. Our favorite time of year - an excuse to act like a couple of big dopes, eat lots of great food that is bad for you and your thighs and santa hats, reindeer ears and lightable Christmas ornament earrings - what could be better?
Well, this year was a bit different. For reasons I can’t remember, we decided to work retail sales at shopping malls over the holiday season. We’d both done it before and for some reason we thought it’d be different this year. Dreams of big commission checks and taking a couple weeks off at the beginning of the year spurred us on. Also, Zelda got in on the act. So, the three of us signed on with Gold Exchange.
Oh yes, you read it right - Gold Exchange. Now can you imagine the tacky shit we were hawking from a place with a name like that? I know, I know - we were adding to the evil propagation of commercialism, but hey we needed the money and wanted presents, so….
Either our memories were really selective, we were out of our minds or we were just getting too old for this shit but man, it kicked our asses. For that six or seven weeks we just worked and slept and barely had any fun at all. With the schedule we had there was no time or energy to tend to things like trees, decorating, Christmas movies or anything. Luckily we were working in shopping malls, so buying gifts wasn’t an issue.
Anyway, Buffy and I were kind of glum because we weren’t being able to dramatize our insane love for Christmas and we knew we’d be way too beat to try to put a Christmas dinner together. And at the time, I guess we didn’t have any Martha Stewart type friends so we were pretty much on our own. But Zelda piped up and said her roomie was a Martha Stewart type and did all that Christmas junk every year and we had only to arrive on time and we too could have a big Christmas dinner and enjoy and admire the whole Christmas ambience created by another.
Well that kept us going all the way through the selling season - which was hideous and exhausting. And through til Christmas morning. We got up and had coffee and toast and exchanged gifts and chatted. But then we noticed the time was ticking away, tick, tick, tick. Still no word from Zelda. Hmmmm. We started getting those knots in our stomachs. As if the Grinch had been by the night before and we just hadn’t noticed that it was really December 26th. I called Zelda a couple times but no answer.
Our stomachs were growling and we were starting to get really bummed out. Finally, the phone rang and it was indeed Zelda. Yay! Christmas was saved! Except…Well I guess Martha Stewart roomie decided she wasn’t into it that year (and hadn’t mentioned it to Zelda) and they decided they were going to order some deli samiches and did we want to come over and do that.
Well no fucking way did we want to do that. So then there we were sitting in the living room completely bummed out, with no tree, no food, no hope. We were sad - big time. Then I said, ‘screw this shit.’ There was no way we just weren’t going to have Christmas. So, we jumped in the car and went to the local grocery store.
Of course it was slim pickings, no turkeys to be sure - but they had chicken, and instant mashed potatoes, and stuffing mix and corn. No pumpkin pie but I think we got twinkies or chocolate cupcakes or something. So, we paid for our stuff and went home.
While I started dinner, I told Buffy to get out the ornaments and lights. She squealed with delight. She strung lights on the walls, put ornaments out on every flat surface - now we were having fun. But we didn’t have a tree. We HAD to have a tree. Oddly enough about a week before we’d had some pretty bad wind storms - so bad in fact that a huge branch got snapped off the Wisteria tree in the front yard. I told Buffy to get the Christmas tree stand ready then went outside. After some looking and thinking and finding a hacksaw I found a branch that had some shape and might fit in the stand.
I brought it inside and we managed to get it to stay upright with some jury-rigging, spit, chewing gum and prayers. We strung it with lights and hung a few ornaments, plugged everything in and turned off the lights. “Ah….” it was Christmas after all.
Dinner was ready and though chicken isn’t turkey and the potatoes were kind of soupy and our tree was really just a branch I fished out of the yard, it was grand. Just as we sat down to eat, “It’s a Wonderful Life” came on television and we both let out a hoot. It was the finishing touch to our chia pet Christmas.
Ironically, of all the many Christmases I have celebrated in my life, this is truly my favorite. Because it was our spirit and spirit alone that made it happen - despite all the many pitfalls. And the utter spirit of play of Buffy who was with me all the way in making Christmas happen. And I really loved that little tree more than any other because it proved that even a lowly stick could be something beautiful. In fact, I loved it so much that this year I found an even bigger stick and made another ‘unique’ Christmas tree - it’s pictured above.
For me, Christmas isn’t what other people make it for you, it’s what you make it for yourself.
Thanks for reading (putting up with) this series of memorable Christmases. Much of it was probably too warm and fuzzy or just plain boring - but hey, that’s my life.
Merry Christmas everybody.
WC
New Friends for Christmas - 12 days of xmas #11
Posted on December 22, 2006 - Filed Under Christmas, Family, Holiday, Life, Santa, acts of idiocy, adventure, classics, dear santa, dining experience, kindred, memories, perfect evenings
The year I lost my mind and decided to move from California to Florida was pretty weird to say the least. If you have any doubts, go back and read my post called Road Trip. To say it was manic was really putting it mildly and giving me way too much credit.I don’t know if some ancient LSD crystal popped loose or just the usual screws, nuts and bolts that live between my ears - but by God I was moving to Florida. So I did.By the time I unpacked the car and locked the front door I knew I had made a terrible mistake. But see I have this problem - I am really fricking stubborn. I kept telling myself I had moved to Florida for a reason. That it was the right thing to do. That there was something there for me.Well maybe there was. A new friend. Someone I’d never have known if not for the momentary flash of insanity - that crazy drive and much of the misery I experienced while there.Lana was an instant friend. I met her first when I showed up at my first day of work for a firm that - come to think of it I’m really not sure what they did or even why they hired me - but I digress. I walked into the office and there was this lovely, lithe woman with hair down to her waist and kind green eyes. “Oh, are you Annie?” she asked.“No, I’m Myrna,” I answered. I have no idea why I said that, but I really did.
She did one of those exagerated double takes and I started laughing and told her I was indeed Annie. Then she started laughing. And pretty much from there on we were best buds.
Now the job…oy my aching head. Let’s put it this way - the woman who hired me wanted me to take over her job so she could move on to a better position within the company. However, I was not allowed to ask any questions nor ask for supplies or pretty talk to her unless she wanted me to talk to her. She wanted me to devine whatever it was she wanted me to do. And she had this insane obsession with a tasking program. So every morning I was to write tasks and send them to her and that way she’d know what I was doing. And then of course she got to send me tasks and I would get these prompts and weird things that were almost as annoying as that dancing paperclip that Billy Gates invented. Long story short within a couple of weeks I felt like I was going insane.
I would constantly check with Lana to see if I really was insane or if this boss lady really was working hard to make me miserable and to feel absolutely and utterly incompetent. Sadly, Lana confirmed my suspicions. Not too surprisingly, I was gainfully unemployed shortly thereafter. Oh boy was I screwed. The job had paid well and when I hit the job market in general it really sucked. The wages being offered were frighteningly low. I took a job with a real nutjob of an orthodontist (he actually believed his work was greatly helping mankind by providing prettier smiles - I shit you not). But at least I had Lana.
We did everything together. It was fun to have a great fun girlfriend again and it made me even sort of like Florida. She invited me for Thanksgiving dinner and there I met her wonderful husband and adorable little boys. We had a great time - but it was more than that - it was like being home for the holidays. Like being among family. I marveled at this because I had really barely met them, yet it seemed I knew them for a million years. I love it when that happens, don’t you?
Since Thanksgiving was such a hit and Lana and I became closer and closer friends, Christmas was a natural. We had all eaten tons of turkey on Thanksgiving so we decided on a different menu. Lana’s brother was in town and he volunteered to make a roast. I made a vat of homemade applesauce, brought a bag of presents and whipped up some mashed potatoes once I got there.
We exchanged gifts and it was fun. It really didn’t matter what they were - we were just happy to be hanging out. It was one of those Christmasses where nothing in particular happened - no special activities or hilarious accidents - just a bunch of people who really enjoyed one another’s company and yakked their heads off. Lana even bought a present for my doggie - a santa suit. Which I put on her as soon as I got home and took pictures.
So the evening was just that. An evening. A great one. And one that brings back warm memories of friendship and love. As I drove home that night, I knew at least a small handful of people in Florida were actually glad I came. And I guess because of them, I was glad too.
The Goodbye Christmas - 12 days of xmas #10
Posted on December 21, 2006 - Filed Under Christmas, Deep thoughts, Family, Holiday, Life, adventure, bad hair day, classics, dear santa, favorites, in my head, love, memories, nostalgia
There’s a funny thing that happens with friends, I mean real, true, kindred spirit kind of friends - you just assume that they will always be there. It never enters your mind that they will move away. It never occurs to you that you will have a last meal, a last coffee at Starbuck’s or a last adventure with them. Your future will always include their presence. They become such an integral part of your life, it’s as if they were always there and always will be.
This Christmas, the season started as many before it. The cold snap came and the air became crisp. Lights were strung on houses - the ‘Christmas Street’ lit up the entire neighborhood. Shopping, excitement, anticipation. Good times with friends. All the normal, usual stuff. Well maybe not usual because it’s the kind of stuff you (at least me) look forward to all year.
The weather was especially cold that year and it was perfect because it just seemed more like Christmas. My best friend J and I were going off to see a play. The Christmas Carol, as a musical no less. Another friend had a part in the play and we were just going to have fun watching her and then teasing her afterwards.
The play was up in Canyon Country which is about a 30 minute drive from our town. J came and picked me up and off we went. I noticed that J was a little more quiet than usual but really didn’t think much of it, so I sat back and settled in for the drive. Quite casually and out of the blue J said, “I’m moving to Texas, Duckie.”
I was stunned. I knew she liked Texas and all and had been there on business and enjoyed herself but she’d said nothing of moving there. “When?” I asked - pretty sure she was going to say something vague like in a year or two.
“January,” she said looking straight ahead.
It was weird because it felt like all the air was sucked out of me. I just didn’t know what to say. I’m not really sure I said anything. I just sort of collapsed around my grief. It was a mere 4 weeks away. It felt like someone had yanked my arm off or something equally disorienting. I went numb.
I think we talked a little more about it. But just the facts. Where would she work? What made her decide? Where would she live? She’d been made an incredible offer she felt she couldn’t refuse, plus her young son was getting older and she wanted him in a better environment to grow up in. She was going.
I knew there was definitely no talking her out of it. I didn’t try. How could I? I could only hope she’d change her mind, even though I knew she wouldn’t. J isn’t the kind of person who decides casually, I knew she’d given it a lot of thought and weighed the good and bad and her mind was made up.
That terrible ache you feel when you’re trying not to cry crawled around inside me. I tried not to be upset. I didn’t do very well at that. In fact, I did lousy.
The dinner we had with friends before the play was strange and unreal. I just couldn’t think of anything else. I told myself I was being selfish and that I should be happy for her but I was too sad for me.
Christmas went from bright colored and sparkly to gray. I went through the motions but mentally all I did was count off the days til they left. I think I cried just about every day. I kept telling myself I was being ridiculous and that I should grow up and take it like a man - but the girlie girl in me won the battle every time
We spent a lot of time together before she left. We tried like the devil to cram everything in that we could. As many laughs, coffees, jokes, adventures that we possibly could. Eventually, I was able to deal - at least without bawling like a big baby. Because despite my greif I really was happy for her. I knew it was right for her - that good things would come of it. That it was a journey in her life she needed to take and I wasn’t going on this particular road trip with her.
We would write and call - and she had family down here so I would see her again. I knew all of this. But I couldn’t stop missing her. I just couldn’t make myself do that.
Christmas came and went. The time drew near and I did everything I could to avoid thinking about it. And then the final goodbye came. At a restaurant. I met her and her dad and little boy and we had a good time. We chatted and ate chips and drank iced tea as though it was just a normal Tuesday night. But too soon the time came and we stood in front of the restaurant hugging and crying. Then separating.
I walked to my car and couldn’t look back. I didn’t want to have my last view of them driving away. I wanted to keep that image of them standing there smiling and waving.
But life felt emptier at that moment. Less bright. Less colorful. Less adventurous. It just wouldn’t be the same without them. And it wasn’t.
But you know what? As sad as this story might seem and as much as I may have bummed you out by telling it to you - it didn’t destroy me or ruin my life. It just really made me love and appreciate her all the more. Because no matter where your friends go and no matter how far away they may be they never are gone - you always always have them and they always have you. It’s just a little harder to make the commute sometimes.
WC
