I Love My Job
Posted on January 31, 2007 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Humor, Life, ab fab costumes, acts of idiocy, adventure, back to work, bad hair day, brain farts, breathe, classics, clueless, cool cats, double yoiks, dr suess, empty head, favorites, funny bone, i dunno, in my head, laughs, nerves
My Kind of Teddy
Posted on January 30, 2007 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Heroes, History, Inspirational Words, Pioneers, Self Esteem, acts of valor, adventure, amazing, american idol, classics, motivation, presidents, really cool shit, tribute, wisdom
“I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do!. That is character.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
(Known both for his larger-than-life personality and his many achievements, Theodore Roosevelt was the youngest US president at age 42. He was born in 1858 in New York. He led the Rough Riders, a motley volunteer cavalry, to victory in the battle of San Juan Hill. As the “Trust Buster” president, he instigated some 40 lawsuits to break up monopolies. An ardent conservationist, he put 230 million acres under federal protection. The Panama Canal was begun under Roosevelt. He died in 1919.)
That Teddy was my kind of guy. Course today in this politically correct world, they’d probably destroy him. Thank God, he was around when it was okay for men to men and for leaders to lead. God bless his soul.
WC
Would You Put That Spam in a Can?
Posted on January 29, 2007 - Filed Under Blogging, Deep thoughts, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, WTF?, acts of idiocy, adventure, brain farts, burn in hell, crap!, dasterdly deeds, double yoiks, evil bloodsuckers, funny bone, laughs, my opinions, naughty or nice, rat bastards, spam, splogging, theives
It used to be that Spam was just a really poor imitation of canned ham. I believe it was developed during World War II when meat was pretty scarce (as were all resources) and people were willing to give mystery meat a try. And heck somebody must have liked it cuz, you know they are still selling it today.
I think I tried it once and that was really enough - sort of like balloons with a bologna-like flavor and a might too much salt - but I have a finnicky palate. Kudos to those who can enjoy a hearty meal of Spam and eggs or Spam samiches or spam-hash. Bless you all.
However, the original Spam is not the topic of this post. Nope…
We are talking about the evil Spam. The type intended to overrun mailboxes, websites and blogs. It is junk mail gone wild. If this stuff was on paper, there would not be one tree left standing on the planet. It can be vicious, gross, mean, annoying and bizarre - but mostly, to me, it is really fucking STUPID! Yeah, stupid. I mean, come on already - do these idiots really think that we think that we just won an Irish Sweepstakes or a UK Super Lotto? Do they not know that we know that one must enter these contests in order to win? Do they really think we are as stupid as they?
They don’t even try to be smart about it. They don’t use demographics or any real marketing tools. It’s just so amazingly stupid it boggles the rational mind. For example, why send viagra ads to females? Sure maybe one or two will want to buy some for their disgusting, decrepit, alcoholic old man - but with all the marital aids on the market these days (many of which can be purchased at Amazon for cripes sake) why bother? And hot nude girl pictures also sent to women - now granted there may be a percentage of women who like that stuff but do you really think you’re hitting your niche market by sending a gajillion links to hot teen sex to a bunch of middle-aged soccer moms who blog on the side? Get real.
Here is a recent list of spam caught on my blog -
MedsMan - he is offering me honey in a lovely nonsensical comment that I supposed was designed to make me so curious I would click on his link and end up on his hideous website.
Stinky - He’s selling sex and cars or maybe it is sex with cars - didn’t really want to follow the link - know what I mean?
JohnB - This one really got me - pictures of Chlamydia AND Hot Mature Babes. Now given that Chlamydia is sexually transmitted disease I can only imagine what the pictures would look like. But really, if I want to see a disease can’t I go to the Discovery Channel or something - with Scientists and lab photos?
752njpgh - Thinks I’m a candidate for viagra.
BadGirl apparently works with Stinky since they hawk the same goods and have the same links.
451yhafft - Kindly offered me amatuer porn - now if I was into porn would I really want to see the amatuer stuff? Couldn’t I do that myself?
Kolia would like to send me some bad nude celebrity photos. Since I’ve seen plenty of bad celebrity photos I’m quite sure I don’t want to see any of them naked.
Kazbert is a GP spammer and is offering directv with a little Disney Channel shopping on the side.
Green simply claims to be a sex teacher - wow they have teachers for that now? I sure hope they don’t get any federal funding for it.
FouFoun - has some cheap airline tickets to Russia. Now I ask you, how many out there want to go to Russia under any circumstance? Cheap tickets or no, I’m gonna pass.
Mr. Carrot works with BadGirl and Stinky - cute names though, eh? Sort of like Porno stuffed animals or something.
Dertaer apparently works with FouFoun to trick people into going to Russia by giving them cheap tickets and lots of black market smokes.
Huss just dropped by to thank me for my site and tell me how much he enjoyed it. Oh sure he did.
Helga Ferg seems to be offering drugs, sex and rock and roll - I’m asking you will the Baby Boomer generation ever get off that anthem? Shouldn’t some of them be dead by now?
Hillary Ferg I’m guessing is Helga’s sisters although she is offering balloon art. Now one could wonder what kind of ‘art’ is on those balloons or maybe just take a pass altogether.
So, there they are folks, the stupid spammers who tried to put stupid spam on my blog and were caught by the spam filter. May they all end up in Spam Hell where they are forced to read their own disgusting crap 24/7 because they are permanently installed in front of a computer screen, have no eyelids and their screams can’t be heard because they are in a hermetically sealed cubicle.
WC
Bad Art!
Posted on January 27, 2007 - Filed Under Critiques, Current Events, Deep thoughts, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, WTF?, ab fab costumes, acts of idiocy, adventure, amazing, art, bad art, brain farts, crap!, double yoiks, empty head, funny bone, i dunno, laughs, little rants, my opinions, possibilities, really stupid shit, works of art
Call me crazy but isn’t art supposed to be good? Isn’t the idea of art that it is supposed to uplift us, provoke us, make us think, make us respond, make us rethink? If so, I ask you, what does the above portrait make you think? Me? I think it kind of reminds me of Hillary & Chelsea without their makeup and good lighting. But for sure, this is not really improving my life in any way.
Now, I’m not talking about taste. People like and respond to different art forms and different forms of those forms of art. (Don’t worry Michael, we won’t be discussing (c)Rap today.) And while there are certain types of art that really don’t speak to me personally, I can still see it is art. That’s fine and well. It can be far out or whacky or like nothing you’ve ever seen - but if the artist really knows their stuff, like it or not, you’ll know it’s art. Right? To me, if the piece has a high quality of communication and the artistic skill & expertise is there it works.
But what about crap like, Andy Warhole’s campbell soup can? This is art? Huh? Or the famous piece of Jesus’ head in a jar of urine (real urine, mind you) - sorry I forget the name or the museum it’s in. Another of my favorites is a big blue box in the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, called Big Blue Box. Now, what message am I to get from that? That boxes are big and blue? Eh? In my day I’ve seen plenty, whether in real life or in photographs, on the internet, etc. There’s a lot of bad art going around.
In fact, there is a Museum of Bad Art if you find you simply can’t get enough bad art, or want an afternoon of bad art, this is your place. My particular favorite is called “Haircut” pictured below:
Hey now, how’s about you trim just a little off the top and please don’t stab my eyes.
Then there are these green monstrosities:
I’m not sure but I think they are in the nominations lane for entry into the Museum of Bad Art. Or maybe they are just bad and are floating around the universe with all the other really bad art. Like this one:
Spooky huh?
I’m wondering, is really bad art a result of really bad books, really bad television shows, really bad movies and really low standards that is now the American pop culture? Is do we have really bad television shows, really bad movies, really bad books and really low standards because of the the really bad art out there? It’s something to think about.
What do you think?
WC
That Cat!
Posted on January 25, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, I gots to have it, I'm in awe, Just For Fun, Life, WTF?, What If?, adventure, amazing, cool cats, dining experience, funny bone, i'm hungry, laughs, really cool shit, time to eat!, video, yoiks
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/v/mRH8sgIa3fA]
Okay, she looks like my cat - and has the appetite of my cat - but my cat can’t do that! It would come it very handy in the morning and at night, let me tell you. Nothing more annoying than a whiney, bitchy cat who wants to eat.
WC
Is There an American Idol Under There?
Posted on January 24, 2007 - Filed Under Critiques, Current Events, Dreams, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, WTF?, ab fab costumes, acts of idiocy, adventure, american idol, brain farts, candidates, classics, clueless, double yoiks, drama queen, empty head, fangirly, funny bone, possibilities, really stupid shit
I have to tell you I am so not impressed with anybody so far. I know I am new to this American Idol thing - and really maybe I was only meant to watch one season and be on my way. And if the auditions so far are any indication that could be quite true.
For the most part we’ve seen the typical bi-polar individuals who look like they’ve got on their makeup and costume for the big scene in a horror movie - and who sound like tortured souls risen from the depths of hell.
Then there are the simply clueless bambi types who have that big-eyed disappointment when they are told no. As though they don’t understand what the word no, means.
Then the ones who look relatively normal but have way more confidence than talent - and when they flake out on the first song, start singing other songs, sometimes changing up to three times before the judges finally manage to shut them up. “Just give me one more chance,” they all say. “I need a glass of water. I need to go to the bathroom.” Whatever. Do they really think that the judges will forget how bad they were during the 3 minute break - or that they will instantly become genius after they empty their bladder.
I’ve seen 4 or 5 people who will likely make it to the top 24. The blonde girl, they guy named sundance, the guy who looks like a cross between Fidel Castro and a Hassidic Rabbi, the bald guy whose kid was born the day of the audition and the back up singer who looks like a young Gladys Knight. I don’t think we’ve met the idol yet. My prediction. And believe me, there is not a Chris, Kelly, Paris or Taylor among them yet. This could be a really boring year.
This part of the show is always somewhat painful from what I understand - but so far it’s really sucked even the weird auditions were weird creepy, not funny. Remember the mom and daughter look alike team? She had blonde hair and mom was a brunette. Weird glasses, frizzy hair, braless, horrible clothes - and this girl went on and on about how sexy she was. I’m telling you, the meds need to be upped, seriously.
Tonight is another night of agony. Not sure I’ll make it through unless they start showing at least a couple of people worth hearing.
WC
What’s That Smell?
Posted on January 22, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, Life, WTF?, acts of idiocy, adventure, brain farts, breathe, clueless, crap!, double yoiks, empty head, favorites, funny bone, hysterical, laughs, memories, nature, really stupid shit, rest in peace, smells
A few years ago I lived in a little cottage in a rather pastoral setting. There were several other little cottages on the property, all beneath a canopy of grape leaves. In the summer the grapes would ripen and there would be beautiful, deep purple clusters of grapes seemingly hanging in the air. The landlord, a crusty old coot from Hungary also liked to garden and there were rows and rows of fresh tomatoes, berries and peppers - all freely available to we little cottage dwellers.
So there we were all tucked away in this psuedo Tuscan atmosphere, with our grapes and our fresh veggies and little cottages. Mine being, of course, the ultimate writer’s garret. I could pretend to be Hemingway or at least Erma Bombeck. On warm summer nights, I’d prop open the front door to get in a breeze, since the cottage was woefully lacking windows. Still I loved my little space and my privacy.
Well, one night whilst I plopped on the sofa and watched television, I could swear I saw the frying pan dance. I had one of those open floor plans where the kitchen really was just a few feet from the sofa and the stove was definitely in plain sight.
I was puzzled. Now just how does a frying pan dance, I wondered. I shrugged assuming it was shadows playing tricks on my eyes and looked back at the television - but damn if it didn’t happen again. I got up slowly and tip-toed a little closer to the stove and eeek what did I see but a little mouse doing the boogaloo in my frying pan. (Can you say, throw that pan away?)
Naturally, we both screamed - he scurried off and I ordered my cat to attack. No deal. The cat was just a kitten really and not much bigger than the mouse and my dog was so old she barely noticed earthquakes. So, naturally I got the elimnator (the broom) and attacked the back of the stove and the walls and stuff to scare the little bugger out. Yep, didn’t work.
Next day I talk to the crusty old Hungarian about getting rid of the mouse. He acted like he didn’t understand english and so I went to the store and bought some mouse poison. I don’t really like doing stuff like that but hey - I couldn’t have the little vermin running around my house and nibbling on my toes or ears whilst I slept - so mouse poison it was. I place one packet behind the stove and one behind the sofa.
Every night I’d hear a frenzied, gleeful squealing and rattling of the platic bag. Apparently that was mousie coke based on his obvious enjoyment of that which would eventually do him in. Every morning, I’d peek to see just how much of this stuff he was eating - thinking any day now it’d be over. Well, believe it or not, it took several days. Now that mouse had quite an appetite. But finally one day I came home from work and there he was lying dead on my bath mat (yep pitched that too). Phew! that was over. Must remember not to prop door without babygate in it. All is right with the world.
So a couple of days later I’m sitting at my desk and ’sniff-sniff’ what the heck was that smell? I looked under the desk, checked the trash - tried to remember if I was wearing dirty sweat pants and so on…but nothing. I went back to work. There it was again. That smell! I checked my armpits - was I going through some serious detox? Was I drinking too much water or not enough? Was the exercise tape really making me stink taht much.
I took a shower.
Sure enough the next day, it’s back again. What was it? What other horrible thing had crawled into my house? Where had the dog barfed or the cat peed? What the hell was that smell? I simply could not find the source.
Saturday morning, I got the bug to do a spring cleaning. I whipped out the cleanser and sos pads, the furniture polish, the window cleaner and finally the vacuum. Yep my little cottage was going to sparkle and shine. On went the vacuum and it went merrily about its business sucking up hidden dirt (and I hoped smells) and sand and rocks and whatever else me and the dog dragged in. Ooops had to move my big desk chair - now for as small as that place was I always insisted on having a big comfy leather chair, so it took up some room - but it was worth it. So move chair out of way and gasp! what do I see? Yep, my mousie’s dancing partner. There she was in all her white and brown speckled glory. And she was rightly stinking the place up. I could never find the source of the smell cuz it was right under my big fat ass the whole time.
So the moral to the story is, if you got one mouse than probably have two. And a dead mouse really stinks!
WC
What Are People Looking For?
Posted on January 21, 2007 - Filed Under Blogging, Deep thoughts, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, WTF?, acts of idiocy, acts of valor, adventure, bad hair day, brain farts, classics, clueless, crap!, double yoiks, drama queen, empty head, funny bone, global warming, in my head, laughs, my fat ass, really stupid shit, searching
Okay, I’ve been a blogging for a few months now and so I thought it was time to take stock of why or how people end up at this blog. I’ve compiled a list of search terms from this week and listed them by category and frequency.
So, the number one reason people come to my blog is for shit. Stupid shit, funny shit, cool shit - doesn’t matter, shit is shit, right?
stupid shit
STUPID PEOPLE DOING STUPID SHIT
stupid shit to do
utterly stupid shit
cool shit jokes
really cool shit
stupid and cool jokes
really random stupid jokes
shit on my shoe jokes
funny shit
coolest shit on the internet
different days the same shit
Number two reason is apparently inspiration that is somehow connected to death. Now there must be something about all that stupid and funny shit going on here that inspires people - or some of my stuff is so depressing that only really depressed people looking for inspiration come here.
“inspirational words” “death”
inspirational words on the death of child
inspirational words of death
inspirational words death of child
inspirational words for a death in the family
inspiring words for family
how does family feels about death of loved one
Number three reason, appears to be famous people or quotes of famous people.
Helen Keller amazes me because
hemingway motivation passages
ernest hemingway
movie about a writer man’s life
mac davis songs lyrics bug
mac davis photos january 2007
hard to be humble when you are
Number four reason is current events. At last someone is actually interested in my opinion of life and the world around us and politics! Yippee!
current events on race/religion
burn in hell saddam
support the troops my watch tonight
who is the miss america of 2007 prediction
predictions botox anyone 2007
picking your presidential candidate 2007
candidate platforms for election 2008
Number five reason is American Idol. And why not?
taylor hicks meet and greet
taylor hicks favorite saying
american idol seattle popeyed man
dancing queen cover american idol
who is going to be the 2008 american idol
Number six reason is fashion advice. Cool!
how to sit in a skirt
what to wear if you have chicken legs
Why does santa wear Red
global warming underwear on line
underwear boy
Number seven is for our heroes the firefighters - God Bless em.
Firemen Prayer
the words to a firemans pray
firemen and angels
firefighter teamwork sayings
Onto reason number eight which is the search for the drama queen. Well yeah, they’ll definitely find some of that here.
drama queen phrases
belly dance drama queen
drama queen blahs
women dramatic scenes
Reason number nine is food and drink - and really what party would be complete without it?
LOTSA PASTA
what to use soup bones in
Julia Childs turkey
chivas
Number ten - living for the moment - heavy thinking mind provoking stuff. Yeah, you’ll notice first it’s the shit then it’s thinking stuff.
“live for the moment” chinese symbols
live for the moment pattern
live for the moment or plan for the future
Number eleven is the stuff I guess that appeals to the bipolar in all of us.
okay to talk to yourself outloud
I talk to myself out loud
people who make up stories and hold conversations
Number twelve the stuff that appeals to the evil creature in all of us - as relates to work of course.
tricks to pull on coworkers
birthday letters for clients
toilet office
Number thirteen is those who seek dating advice or commiseration.
manipulation sayings
when a guy asks you to sleep with him
bad date monologue
Number fourteen is taken up by the worriers amongs us.
are you a worry wart?
WORRY WART
you are a worry wart
Number fifteen seems to be looking for me personally or advice on hair, not sure.
what happened to Bad Hair Day blogger?
cartoon woman with bad hair day
Number sixteen is clearly a mistake.
good wishes thought
good wishes sayings
Number seventeen, I really don’t have a clue about this one - unless it has something to do with reader feedback or I’ve been writing posts in my sleep again.
hysterical mommy stories
“mommy and daddy wrestling”
Number eighteen proves just how sad we all are - to actually search for nothing…wow
Nothing. Nada.
No nothing, nada, zilch, zip
Number nineteen is the ever popular fat ass syndrome. This particular search item has fallen in popularity it was once quite high on the list. I’m sure it will come back in style as bathing suit season approaches.
you know you’re a fatass when
is my 11 yr old fat
Number twenty apparently is an attempt to steal the pictures that I probably stole to post on a blog.
humorous pictures head exploding
the witches prosthetics photos
Number twenty one a search for answers to the weather.
why can’t the sky be red instead of blue
sky
And finally, number twenty two which is all the other shit that people used to find my blog.
mold on a funny bone
embarrass funny mate
embarrass moment
barney more than hugs lyrics funny
morning hatred
misanthropic quotes
different words for ha ha and ho ho
funning sayings about computers
top ten things you can do with ice
wordPress crit group
poems with made-up words
writers of the show Friends
octagerian
So i guess in summary, one can only conclude that for the most part people look for my blog when they are looking for shit.
WC
Snowy California
Posted on January 20, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, Life, WTF?, adventure, bad hair day, double yoiks, funny bone, i dunno, laughs, really stupid shit, video
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/v/_udjKUw4meM]
Okay, so it’s a little late and there is no real threat of snow in California but I really liked the vid. Plus it did snow in Malibu this week - does that count?
WC
PS: Oh yeah, and apparently the video gods are letting me post videos again. Cool, huh?
Me & Zelda in 40 Years
Posted on January 18, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, Life, WTF?, acts of idiocy, adventure, bad hair day, brain farts, clueless, crap!, empty head, funny bone, i dunno, in my head, laughs, really stupid shit, voices in my head, yoiks
I loved this cartoon - because it truly reflects what a retard I am at heart. And also I was doing this all day - completely misunderstanding what everyone said like ‘time for lunch’ sounded like ’slimey hunch’ and ‘that’s the ticket’ sounded like ‘tits in a widget’ - yeah another fine day at my new job. 
WC
