Not Good Enough
Posted on March 31, 2008 - Filed Under in my head, introspection
Not Good Enough. Ever feel that way? I know I do. Often. Too often. In fact, it is quite possibly the bane of my existence. Well, maybe not the bane of my existence but it is the thing that I have the hardest time shaking and always has been.
When that feeling hits me, I do a little internal search. Why? Why do I feel that way? Is there some deep, dark secret or a devastating buried memory that makes me feel that way? But then, logic never helps when it comes to things like that, does it? It seems the bad feelings, the feelings of inadequacy and non-deserving-ness (yes, I just made up a word) don’t come from a place of logic. They come from a place of feelings. Bad feelings.
But where do those come from? Other people? Did somebody give me a sour look when I was four and had just completed my master mud pie? And did that somehow crush a tiny piece of my soul, which I’ve been trying to get back ever since? Or has it just been a steady and continual erosion over the years. A look here, a word there?
Or worse, does it come from inside me? Just my own self-destructive alter ego, vying for time and attention? It seems I have lots of questions about this but very little in the way of answers.
I sometimes think that that is why I became a writer. To solve the feelings of ‘not good enough’ - as though I believed that if I could just write it out the feelings would evaporate. Never to be seen or heard from again. And in a way, I suppose it’s worked. When I was a kid and I got upset, the first thing I would do was write a poem or a story to work out the feelings or upset. Sometimes it would help and others it would drive me further into the sense of despair and hopelessness. No matter, I still write to some degree for that reason. Though mostly I write because I have something inside of me that needs to get out. It is constantly seeking new and silly ways to get out too. From stories to poems to haikus to jokes, to wise-ass remarks.
I sometimes marvel at this thing. What is it? Where did it come from? Does it belong inside of me or should we see if the zoo has a space for it? Then it ocurs to me that maybe it’s just me trying to get out. Just me, saying, ‘Pay attention to me. I am worthy. I matter.’
The truth is I will probably never know - no matter how much I try. No matter how much I want to know. I will never figure out why I sometimes feel I’m just not good enough. How about you?
WC
Pieces of Me
Posted on March 30, 2008 - Filed Under my opinions
I was tagged by Teeni for this Getting to Know You Meme. It is a bit different than the average meme, if there is such a thing, in that the object is to link to past posts that tell your readers more about you, without their having to slog through your archives and figure it out on their own.
It works like this:
1. Go through past posts and link to five of your favorites, one for each of the following categories:
* Family
* Friends
* Yourself
* Something you love
* Your personal choice
2. Tag five other people to do this meme. Two of them must be people you already know so that you can get to know each other better. (disclaimer: since I don’t tag, I will leave it to you to decide if you want to tag yourself on this one.)
My picks:
Family: Lucky, My Hero
Friends: Friends
Yourself: Is Reflection a Bad Thing?
Something I Love: What do Movies Meme?
My Choice: What Would the World be Like Without You?
I hope this little walk down memory lane is fun and doesn’t make you gag too much. 
WC
A Gift From Our Grandfathers
Posted on March 29, 2008 - Filed Under my opinions
This landed in my email box this morning. I have to say, it grabbed me in the heart. I don’t know why I’m such a sap when it comes to this country and things like this really get to me, but they do.
Taken in 1918, this picture is of 18,000 soldiers at Camp Dodge, Iowa . A gift from our grandfathers.
Is Thinking Extinct?
Posted on March 26, 2008 - Filed Under my opinions
Okay, so I’ve been studying up a storm, in order to become an Internet entrepreneur. You’d be amazed just how much stuff there is out there to learn. And how very much of it is free. I have a whole folder of free or almost free ebooks that I’ve downloaded and I’m not even close to being all the way through them.
But…something landed in my inbox that scared the bageebers out of me. There is this blogger guru dude, whose email list I got onto and he’s sent me some really cool things. So cool in fact, I might actually be able to build my own website after all. And i was really grooving on getting his emails because he always sends cool links to free stuff and tips and on and on. But….what he sent yesterday sent me into the depths of despair. It really depressed me.
Apparently he has developed a program (for lack of a better term) that has a bot writing web copy. Cool, huh? Now you don’t have to pay those nasty ol’ expensive copywriters anymore all those bagillions of dollars because this nifty little bot will build you an article, blog post, or heck whatever you want, fully equipped with all the right and perfect searchable key words in three seconds. Yup. Three seconds. There is even a vid where you can watch someone doing it.
Up in flames went my little dream of starting my own little copywriting biz. I mean, who’s going to need me after this gets around? Soon he’ll have a sales letter writing bot and Bob Bly will be out of business too.
After I got over the shock and dismay it got me thinking though. Is the human really no longer necessary - except to create things so the human mind won’t be necessary? Have things really gotten to a point where ibots can replace writers? Thinkers. Do we just want to stop thinking? Is using our minds to solve problems just now blase’ - a thing of the past?
It would seem that things may be going in that direction. I mean, why the heck am I surprised? Generally speaking, it seems that we, as a society want to be taken care of from cradle to grave. The government are in charge of our property, our incomes, our children, our healthcare - and the more we whine about needing to be taken care of more, the more the government seems to like it. Among others.
Maybe there is no need to write any more. Maybe I should stop straining my brain and just ask the ibot if he can give me a job filing or something. I mean, how long will it be before he comes up with a blockbuster generator? A sitcome generator? A Pulitzer generator?
On the other hand - it’s stuff like this that makes me wonder if the internet as well as other places - doesn’t need me and other writers even more because of this. I’ve been to a lot of blogs and websites and that boring, prefab, keyword saturated crap that you see on so many of them makes my eyeballs bleed. I don’t feel the least bit inclined to stay at those sites, much less buy something from them.
Maybe this is really just a big phat cry for help. It’s something to think about.
What do you think?
WC
PS: I got a really interesting idea and I’m going to be emailing the writers among you to ask some questions. Developing…more later
Baad Poetry
Posted on March 24, 2008 - Filed Under my opinions
In honor of some of my blogger buddies, I have written some really bad poetry for your amusement.
Teeni’s not a meanie
of the Memes
she is the Queenie.
Fuzz
what it is
was it was
Peace out
Evyl ate
booweevils
and that’s what
made him that way
I like Mike
I’d buy him a bike
If he’d like
but not a trike
A-Mum
she ain’t dumb
she don’t like the bums
but if you feel numb
she’ll give you a blanket
The Grit
will give you a bit
but he’ll throw a fit
if you’re an idiot
Squawky
ain’t balky
but he throws
a mean curve
Angie
can find all
the banshees
and tell you about it
My little friend Free
has eyes that can see
the best deal of E
bay
Gutsy Red
can mess with your head
don’t touch her teeth
cHrisTine
has seen
it all
she’s too smart for you
Spaz has jazz
don’t let it
pass
you by.
tada! 
WC
god bless capitalism
Posted on March 24, 2008 - Filed Under my opinions
Here in the land of nuts and twigs there has been quite the push to overcome childhood obesity. The banning of junkfood (the original crack) has become law in many California schools and I suspect, elsewhere.
Now, naturally, this is the perfect solution because I mean, heck if you can’t get it at school, then clearly you can’t get it anywhere else right? This too, will of course result in svelte, fit and healthy children and leaves the parents to do nothing and continue ignoring their children and letting the state take care of their children’s health. Right?
Who knew that if you didn’t have junkfood, candy and the like around you wouldn’t get fat. That must mean then, that all I have to do is nix that stuff in my life and voila, I too, can have a cute little bootie, instead of a fat ass and my health will return to perfection.
Oh wait a minute….I already do that and yet….nope, my ass still has it’s own zip code. Hmm….could there be more to it than that?
Anyway, in this case, the cardinal rule of Captialism - ‘Give the people what they want and they will come running’ - seems to reign supreme. As shown by this article.
Ban candy and junkfood from schools? No fricking way. All they did was create a need that apparently has been met. In fact, it seems we now have some budding entreprenuers sprouting up left and right, albeit underground, to fill that need. Yep, jonesing for a snickers? How about some skittles? Chips anyone? Well then, step into my backpack, I got what you need and today we have a two-fer.
These kids are cleaning up, because even they can see that the public will always come when you offer them something they want. Regardless of rules and how much the government wants to tell you what to do, what you can and cannot eat, think, go, believe. Seems that capitalism still lives. And I say, God bless it.
WC
The Downside of Easter…
Posted on March 23, 2008 - Filed Under my opinions
3,000 Miles on One Tank of Gas?????
Posted on March 20, 2008 - Filed Under WTF?, amazing, high-tech
Is it a car? An airplane? A hover craft? Nope. It’s the wave of the future. A car so fuel efficient you could conceivably drive across the country on one measely tank of gas. It really reminds me of George Jetson’s little coupe, remember that one? I wonder what kind of hairdo you’d wear with that though?
It’s a three-wheeler, which brings to mind all kinds of fun stunts one could endeavor with this baby - especially on a wide open highway on a windy day.
Actually from this view, it reminds me of R2D2 on steroids:
Though the interior is kind of cool looking and I can imagine zooming down the highway as the scenery rushes by - feeling like I was in my own special space craft.
For the full scoop and all the specs click here.
It’s really worth the read and quite an amazing piece of machinery. I wonder when I get test drive this thing.
WC
Pictorial Editorial on Democrat Race
Posted on March 19, 2008 - Filed Under WTF?, brain farts, candidates
You Might Be an Irish Imposter If…
Posted on March 17, 2008 - Filed Under Holiday, Humor, Just For Fun, brain farts, st patrick's day
Ah, St. Paddy’s Day is upon us and it is the day in which everyone ‘becomes’ Irish. The demonstrations of same range from the ridiculous to the more ridiculous. Being half Irish and this being the day of my momentous birth, I’m pretty good at spotting the Celtic fakers.
You may be an Irish faker if:
1. You’re the first one in line to order that green McShake at McDonald’s.
2. You threaten to pinch anyone who is not wearing green.
3. Despite your shamrock dress with matching green shoes and bag, your last name is Jablonski.
4. You think that St. Patrick is the patron saint of getting hammered.
5. You believe you can actually sing Danny Boy.
6. You wear shamrock earrings with high heels and latex pants.
7. You think that the Blarney Stone is a new Irish high.
8. You believe that Stonehenge is a freak of nature as opposed to stones being held up by faeries.
9. You drink Guinness cold and you don’t like pickled eggs.
10. You don’t know what Colcannon is.
11. You believe that step dancing is something you do with a ladder.
12. You think the Old Sod is that bad patch in your lawn.
13. You believe that Shillelagh is that new pop star who performed on American Idol elimination day.
14. You think soda bread is bread you eat with Coke.
I’m sure there are many other tells - and feel free to add any you happen to know.
And in honor of the day, I leave you with my St. Paddy’s Day haiku:
St. Paddy’s Day
Pints and pickled eggs
lasses steppin’ to the pipes
the rivers are green.
copyright 2008
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