Things All Bloggers Know
Posted on May 8, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, brain farts
Since I’ve been blogging now for almost two years (I can’t frickin’ believe that) I believe I have the experience and understanding of a seasoned blogger and can accurately discuss some blogging truisms (well, not really but that sure did sound good, didn’t it?). After a while though, there are certain things that you just come to know, just like you know that if you leave your underwear on the bathroom floor, they’ll be there tomorrow - unless you have an ocd spouse or a maid.
1. You will never find out what caused that stat spike/crash in the summer of 06. Additionally, no matter how often you check your blog stats per minute, hour or day, it is out of your hands.
2. Some people comment just to annoy you, so have fun with them.
3. You’re not as anonymous as you think - so you may want to rethink posting those pics of you on spring break.
4. Other bloggers will inexplicably add you or delete from their blogrolls. Also, there is never enough room on your sidebar for your blogroll. Nor will you ever have time to visit everyone on it.
5. There is no getting rid of spammers or sploggers, so live with it. Sometimes, I like to send them nasty emails but that becomes a bore after a while too.
6. The search terms by which people find your blog proves that google is smoking crack.
7. It ain’t cool to pimp for comments - no matter how badly you want them.
8. It is cool to do pimp posts for your fellow bloggers.
9. The most brilliant posts (in your opinion) or the ones of which you are most proud will get the lowest stats and comment count. Apparently, this is a universal law and there is no appeals court to change it.
10. The posts that you dash off without thinking will shoot your stats through the roof. Especially if it is one of those pissy, grumpy posts about something inconsequential that just happened to go up you ass the wrong way just as you sat down to blog.
11. Blogging in your underwear is fun but your readers don’t need to know. Then again, on some blogs, this may be appropriate and even expected.
12. If you change your theme, you’ll be in widget hell for at least a week. There is nothing that will screw up your sidebar more than deciding to change your theme - it also and often wreaks havoc with your custom header - so if you deleted that picture you could be spending hours looking for it again.
13. Everytime Wordpress releases it’s new version, it will take you at least two weeks to get over your rage and frustration. Trust me though, the support team will ignore all your pleas to change it back - so…live with it or consider self-hosting.
14. Some bloggers have a lot to say, some have very little, this however, in no way affects your stats. Some of the stupidest blogs in the universe have some of the best stats - conversely some of the best blogs in the universe are well-kept secrets. No, this isn’t fair, however, that doesn’t change the truth.
15. If people like your blog they will try to copy it in some way, just as you do of other’s blogs. You should be flattered when someone tries to imitate things you do or have done on your blog, they are saying by imitating you that they admire what you have done. However, don’t mistake this with ripoff artists.
16. If you post something highly controversial, have a detailed list of comebacks/retorts prepared for the flamers who will inevitably show up - or turn comments off on the post. It’s either full on debate or dive behind the couch - unfortunately, no middle ground here.
17. The best blog posts are usually rants or things that make people cry. Everything else is a crapshoot. I guess people just want to feel something??????
18. Always keep a current backup of your blog(s) in case the worst happens and it usually does.
19. Though a few people get ‘discovered’ through their blogs the chances are it won’t happen to you. It’s okay to have your snazzy new Ray Bans ready, in the event that Hollywood or William Morris discovers you but if you’re saving them for that, you may never get the chance to wear them.
20. If you got paid for all the time you spent blogging, thinking about blogging, looking for stuff to blog about and reading blogs, you’d never have to work another day in your life and could probably power your home with the leftover energy.
21. The really truest truism about blogging is that once you’re hooked - it’s all over.
Feel free to add to the list.
WC
Comments
26 Responses to “Things All Bloggers Know”
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Great post and some sad, but oh-so-true facts. But after reading this I have decided that from now on I shall post in my underwear and Ray Bans so I’ll be prepared for any occasion.
Annie
I can honestly say that no other reader takes my posts so much to heart as you, sweet pea. And can I get a picture of that?
I love the list and its all so very true!
LOL Teeni LOL
I know, Calam - isn’t Teens a scream?
WC
A great list compiled by a seasoned blogger. *applause*
When you say, “feel free to add” or “what do you think?” isn’t that pimping for comments?
WC
Oh thanks for the applause, Windy - you’re too kind.
I don’t think that is pimping for comments - it’s just a normal part of my speak, after I’ve said what I think, I like to hear what others think. Of course, if they think nothing, then they won’t say anything, right? But, if I said, ‘please, please, make a comment’ I think that would count though.
#6 aint that the truth! Someone found my blog by googling blog with sour cream - yes indeedy, I AM the sour cream blog of choice.
Once again, you’re the exception to the rule, Free. Seriously, someone found you googling blog with sour cream? Oy!
Annie
Are you actually telling me that some people actually wear clothes when they blog? That is just plain wrong. You have dashed my dreams.
I think actually, that clothing is optional.
Annie
And fighting windmills is right. It’s pimping for comments. But that’s okay, It is one of your charms. Luv ya, darlin’.
Oh she is not, shut up. Luv ya too.
A
And when are you going to enter my contest?
I did enter your you big galoot. :lo:
Annie
And speaking of #2, am I getting annoying yet.
Annie
Nope, aren’t there any other blogs you’d like to read tonight?
If not I could always try harder.
Annie
Honey, you can comment til the cows come home, won’t bother me one bit. Course, you could never annoy me. You know that, doncha?
9 and 10, sooo frustratingly true. And I have a number 22: if you want to get one of those stats spikes, put the word ’sex’ in the title of a post. Don’t expect to keep those visitors tho, unless you are prepared to stick with raunch.
Ewww, sticky.
Hi Hilary,
Oh…why didn’t you put in your url? I want to visit your blog again.
You’re so right about key words in the title. I did an experiment of this type just to see if I was right - however, I used the phrase ’stupid shit’ - Well, to this day it is one of my all time highest’s - Just to make sure, I did a sequel to the post called Stupid Shit Part Deaux and yup - another stat getter. I’m seriously considering just writing stupid shit posts and numbering them sequentially. It just goes to show you that when you have the right key words, you get a lot of traffic.
WC
I’m not as seasoned as you. Although I have had 3 different blog addy’s (BAHAHAHAH!) Does that count for anything? heeee-heeeee-heeeeee!
This is fabulous and I cannot think of anything you didn’t cover, as usual…. jeez, couldn’t ya just leave a little something out for me? So, I could comment? Now watch, you will and I still wont get it- I took the short bus
Annie
Sorry Sweets, I was sure I’d left something out - I’m sure someone will think of it, too.
Hi WC,
Almost everything I post is controversial, but I never get flamers, and few comments in general. I begin to suspect that no one reads them, and all of my traffic is to going to the posts with nude women pictures. It’s also interesting that those posts often get top 10 Google ranks, while my photographic mocking of politics takes a great deal of patience to find. Perhaps mocking naked women is the way to go
the Grit
Hey Grit,
You may be onto something there. Although, I don’t know why your terrorist boy and where’s obama pics don’t make the top of the list. They are hilarious.
WC
Yes, I do believe you’ve covered it all. Well done, WC.
If it were my own personal list of blogging truisms #21 would have to read “…once you’re hooked your real life is non-existent because your cyber life takes over”.
Boy, ain’t that the truth 2LD? LOL.
WC
YES, I’m very serious. LOL Google = pure joy of craphappenings.
Okay then, like I said, those folks are smoking crack.
Annie
You covered all the bases, I do believe. Fine job doing it, too!
I enjoy blogging in my skivvies .. and after changing themes about 64 times, I think I’ve settled on one … Maybe.
One set of skivvies or theme?
Seriously though, I know what you mean about the themes, I’ve yet to find one I am totally happy with myself.
Annie
I usually blog in one of my old thin much washed old friend t shirts.. I have now been blogging 6 months..and yes you do get hooked and I am amazed at just how much we can care and be concerned about those we don’t really know.. On the other hand, maybe we do know them, perhaps even better than those we think we know..you can learn a lot about someone on these addictive blogs.
I can’t think of anything to add to your list .Just a big ole shout out to tell you once again..I am so glad I found you.. Sending big ole hugs to a favorite ’seasoned blogger’.
So, you’ve got an official blogging ensemble? That is really addictive, Ange.
I think you’re right about knowing other bloggers - some blogs are so personal that you can’t help but know these folks. Funny, how we can seem to say on the Internet what we may be squeamish about saying in real life. Gives one pause.
I can’t believe you’ve only been blogging for six months, you’ve taken to it like fish to water, butter to bread. You’re one outstanding blogger yourself, my girl.
Annie
Ang, I can’t believe you’ve only been blogging 6 mos either! WOW!!!!!
Nobody has attempted to copy my blog, so far as I know, though a few individual items have been cut and pasted elsewhere.
Then again, I am one of the few people who dares to put up a beige-on-beige color scheme.
LOL CG,
WC
Maybe that’s the secret.
Hahahahahaha.
Cool name. Glad you got a chuckle…at least I think you got a chuckle…
WC
Damn, it’s all true! And no matter how witty I think I am, I only have a dozen readers. Damn.
Great post, as per usual my dear.
Oh I”m sure there are more than 12 - although, I only have about 14…;) How have you been?
Annie
Oh good, and you’re welcome. BTW, nice poetry - I took a look around your place.
WC
Great post…and funny. Here’s another truism for you: “No matter how benign your post, it will almost certainly piss someone off.”
Now, that made me laugh out loud, truly. And man you couldn’t be more right. I snuck over to your place and have to say, I like your attitude. Welcome - y’all come back now, y’hear?
WC
I’m sneaking back out from under my rock to take another look around. Glad I did, cause this just made my day! LOL Another truism, well true for me anyhow….just when I think I’ve got it all figured out, RL breaks down the locked door and drags me kicking and screaming away from cyberland. Getting back is a bitch too.
Take care Annie. Wish i had time to comment on all your “new” posts, but I have a few more spots to visit before I get sucked back into that hole again.
Looking good as always though Hon!
hugs
Jennifer
You, under a rock??? No way. LOL - the addiction runs deep - I pity the poor spouses who aren’t in on it. Good to see you again - I know your time is precious, so thanks for coming by. Next time maybe you can stay later.
Hugs,
Annie
Brilliant! Especially number 9! I did a wedding meme and I was so chuffed with it but I swear it sank like a stone, like it’s not even in the public domain!
Ah well.
Cheers
BC
I know what you mean about number 9 - chaps your hide, don’t it? There is just no figuring it out.
Annie
APPLAUSE!!
*bowing* I’d like to thank my mother, my father and all the little people without whom my brain would not be obsessed with blogging…..
A
I’d have to agree with everyone else - that was simply brilliant! I haven’t been doing this very long, but already I’m scratching my head at some of those truisms.
My favourites: 6,9,10,17
And of course, 21 - I think I’m hooked!
Thank you so much for letting me know everything I’m going through is oh-so-normal!
Hey Daisy,
Welcome to the world of obsessive outflow.
You’re welcome, but I’m pretty sure these were universal truths, that I just happened to write down. Is it possible I was the first? LOL - now, that would be something. I have to admit, 6,9,10 & 17 are my personal favs too. Ain’t bloggin’ a beotch?
WC