Why Conspiracy Theories are Fun
Posted on June 30, 2008 - Filed Under Just For Fun, adventure, dasterdly deeds, my opinions
Ive always been fascinated by conspiracy theories. In fact, in my early twenties I was constantly reading books on the topic. Anyone remember, “None Dare Call it Conspiracy”? Though now, I can’t remember a single detail of that book, it served to wedge into a corner of my mind that there are conspiracies everywhere. Naturally, one of my favorite movies is The Conspiracy Theory. I only wonder why it took so many years for them to make it.
The great thing about conspiracy theories is that there is one for every paranoic thought that exists. From disenfranchised voters to age discrimination. In fact, without conspiracy theories, Snopes would be out of business. Not to mention other booming businesses, hundreds of thousands of websites and blogs, publishing companies, most newspapers and magazines and television shows.
In the words of Muldaur, The truth is out there. Or is it?
Following, are some of the most popular conspiracy theories - my editorial comments in italics.
Dinosauroid-like Alien Reptiles Dominate the World
Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were Reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift. She may have a point, it could explain why they all look so weird
David Icke’s, a BBC reporter, claims that humanity is actually under the control of dinosauroid-like alien reptiles who must consume human blood to maintain their human appearance. Icke theorizes that the reptilians came here from the constellation Draco. Apparently, this dude has been reading too much Anne Rice
Apollo 11 Moon Landings were faked by NASA
This is an oldie but a goodie and has been around as long as I can remember. It was all a hoax pulled off by NASA and CIA spooks - on some sound stage in Hollywood. The so called evidence includes:
- The astronauts could not have survived the trip because of exposure to radiation
- The photos were altered: the Crosshairs on some photos appear to be behind objects, rather than in front of them where they should be
- The quality of the photographs is implausibly high.
- There are no stars in any of the photos, and astronauts never report seeing any stars from the capsule windows.
- Identical backgrounds in photos that are listed as taken miles apart.
- The moon’s surface during the daytime is so hot that camera film would have melted.
- No blast crater appeared from the landing
- The launch rocket produced no visible flame.
- The flag placed on the surface by the astronauts flapped despite there being no wind on the Moon.
Well, let’s say they have a point - the question I have to ask is why? Why bother? What would be the point? So the martians would know we were hot on their trail?
September 11th: Inside Job
This one gets me personally. Again, why, why, why. Theories are:
- The U.S., Israel or Iraq government orchestrated the attacks themselves. Because?
- The Twin Towers fell straight down, at close to free-fall speed. This is a similar characteristic of a controlled demolition. The dust cloud and its make up are considered un-characteristic of a gravity-driven collapse. Not if you actually read the final report on why it fell that way - not to mention the fact that surely the thousands of people who worked in that building would have noticed great piles of explosives all over the building.
- It is often pointed out that no steel building before or since the 9-11 attack has collapsed as the result of fire.
- The rubble of the Twin Towers smoldered for weeks after the collapse. This claim is meant to point out that steel could only have smoldered as a result of pre-placed explosives.
- Some consider photographic evidence of the plane lying on the grounds of the Pentagon to be ambiguous and unconvincing, citing a visual lack of burnt metal, human remains, passenger’s luggage or seats.
- The Pentagon was struck in a newly renovated, reinforced section. Some speculate this location, the west side of the complex, to be indicative of government involvement, noting it as an attempt to reduce casualties.
- Flight 77 was able to fly in the direction of the DC and Pentagon area for approximately 40 minutes without interception. This is thought to be unusual given the Pentagon’s close proximity to Andrews Air Force Base.
- There are claims that anti-missile batteries at the Pentagon should have intercepted Flight 77.
- The FBI confiscated a video, which may have captured the impact, from a nearby gas station attended by Jose Velasquez. This video has not yet been released. And if it’s not yet released then how does anyone know what’s on it? Eh
Barcodes are really intended to Control people
Some conspiracy theorists have proposed that barcodes are really intended to serve as means of control by a putative world government, or that they are Satanic in intent.
Mary Stewart Relfe claims in “The New Money System 666″ that barcodes secretly encode the number 666 - the Biblical “Number of the Beast”.
This theory has been adopted by other fringe figures such as the “oracle” Sollog, who refuses to label any of his books with barcodes on the grounds that “any type of computer numbering systems MANDATED by any government or business is part of the PROPHECY of the BEAST controlling you.” Frankly, I’m thinking we have plenty of other really obvious attempts of control going on - that to worry about this is too anal for me.
Charlemagne never existed, is a fictional character
Phantom time hypothesis is a theory developed by Heribert Illig which suggests that the Early Middle Ages (614-911 CE) never occurred, meaning that all artifacts attributed to this time period were from other times, and all historical figures were outright fabrications.
One consequence of Illig’s hypothesis is that Charlemagne never existed but is a fictional character. The vast majority of historians believe this theory to be complete fiction, as all cited evidence can be considered circumstantial. So, do you think he believes Batman and Spiderman are make believe too?
Area 51
And speaking of Muldaur…do any of you remember that alien autopsy they showed on public televsion at the height of the popularity of The XFiles? This place is the holy grail of UFO phenom and legend. Highlights of this theory are:
- The storage, examination, and reverse engineering of crashed alien spacecraft (including material supposedly recovered at Roswell), the study of their occupants (living and dead), and the manufacture of aircraft based on alien technology.
- Meetings or joint undertakings with extraterrestrials.
- The development of exotic energy weapons (for SDI applications or otherwise) or means of weather control.
- Activities related to a supposed shadowy world government.
Microsoft sends messages on Wingdings Font
And if you listen to “I am a Walrus” backwards, Satan has a special message for you.
The Wingdings Font included with Windows has a history of controversy. In 1992, only days after the release of Windows 3.1, it was discovered that the character sequence “NYC” in Wingdings was rendered as Skull and crossbones symbol, Star of David, and thumbs up gesture. This could be interpreted as a message of approval of killing Jews, especially those from New York City.
Microsoft strongly denied this was intentional, and insisted that the final arrangement of the glyphs in the font was largely random. Various other combinations of Wingings characters are alleged to have special significance by conspiracy theorists, but these results are likely purely coincidental.
The Nazis had a Moon Base
Esoteric Hitlerists and conspiracy theorists interested in Nazi mysticism and World War II have speculated that the Germans landed on the Moon as early as 1942. I think they need to talk to the folks at the Apollo Hoax Center Hotline
According to other theories it is believed that the Nazis had made contact with ‘half a dozen’ alien races, including the malevolent Reptilians. Or perhaps this is just a smokescreen designed to prevent people from knowing that they were/are the blood sucking reptillian aliens seeking to take over the world?
Princess Diana’s Murder
Within hours of Princess Diana’s death on Aug. 31, 1997, in a Paris highway tunnel, conspiracy theories swirled. As was the case with the death of John F. Kennedy, the idea that such a beloved and high-profile figure could be killed so suddenly was a shock. This was especially true of Princess Diana; royalty die of old age, political intrigue, or eating too much rich food; they don’t get killed by a common drunk driver. Unlike many conspiracy theories, though, this one had a billionaire promoting it: Mohamed Al-Fayed, the father of Dodi Al-Fayed, who was killed along with Diana. Al-Fayed claims that the accident was in fact an assassination by British intelligence agencies, at the request of the Royal Family. Al-Fayed’s claims were examined and dismissed as baseless by a 2006 inquiry; the following year, at Diana’s inquest, the coroner stated that “The conspiracy theory advanced by Mohamed Al Fayed has been minutely examined and shown to be without any substance.” On April 7 of this year, the coroner’s jury concluded that Diana and Al-Fayed were unlawfully killed due to negligence by their drunken chauffer and pursuing paparazzi. As fun as it would have been to be true because, well it would make a heck of a novel - personally, I always thought the Paparazzi should have been thrown in jail instead of skating because the limo driver had been drinking. Suckers!
Subliminal Advertising
This baby has been around since I was a kid. Apparently advertisers, splice in images of coca cola, popcorn, candy and hotdogs into films shown at movie theatres. Naturally, the movie theatre owners don’t mind because that’s where they make their dough. Then over time, it has apparently morphed over to the small screen, broadcast, cable, direct tv, dish tv, the internet. Watch out man, they’re fricking everywhere. Really, why show subliminal advertising when everybody is used to regular advertising?
Paul McCartney’s Death
According to many stories and conspiracy theories that circulated in the late 1960s, Beatles guitarist Paul McCartney died in 1966. The remaining members of the Beatles–along with their manager and others–conspired to keep McCartney’s death a secret, going so far as to hire a look-alike and sound-alike to take his place in the band. Well, kind of: In a case of seriously twisted logic (even by conspiracy theory standards) the conspirators in this case took great pains to keep the press and public from finding out about McCartney’s demise–yet they also wanted fans to know about it, and placed clever clues in album covers and music giving details about McCartney’s death. For example, on the cover of the Abbey Road album, all four Beatles are photographed striding across a zebra crossing, but only McCartney is barefoot, and out of step with the other three. This must mean something, right? Despite public denials by the band, fans couldn’t just let it be, and came together to look for more clues. Once again, start playing “I am a Walrus” backwards - the truth is out there.
Who Shot JFK?
John F. Kennedy was killed in 1963 in a Dallas motorcade. Who killed Kennedy? Most (though not all) conspiracy theorists acknowledge that Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy from a book depository. Beyond this fact lies a vast area of conspiracy theory that has spawned endless speculation and hundreds of books, articles, and films. Was there a second assassin, perhaps one at a nearby “grassy knoll”? And if Oswald did act alone, who gave him the orders? Activists against Fidel Castro? Organized crime bosses? A jealous husband upset with Kennedy’s philandering? Though the Warren Commission report concluded that Oswald acted alone, a 1979 report by The House Select Committee on Assassinations suggested that there was in fact a conspiracy, and likely more than one shooter. In such a complex and sensational case, the conspiracy theories will live on. Yet, we still don’t feel like we know, do we? What is up with that Kennedy family anyway, the strangest things happen to these people.
Protocols of the Elders of Zion
“The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion” is a hoaxed book that purported to reveal a Jewish conspiracy to achieve world domination. It first appeared in Russia in 1905, and described how Christians’ morality, finances, and health would be targeted by a small group of powerful Jews. The idea that there is a Jewish conspiracy is nothing new, of course, and has been repeated by many prominent people including Henry Ford and Mel Gibson. In 1920, Henry Ford paid to have half a million copies of “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” published, and in the 1930s, the book was used by the Nazis as justification for its genocide against Jews (in fact, Adolph Hitler referred to the “Protocols” in his book “Mein Kampf”). Though the book has been completely discredited as a hoax and forgery, it is still in print and remains widely circulated around the world. This one stymies particularly since in the not too distant past Jews were almost anihilated from the planet - and have one of the tiniest countries in the world - yet they are the threat? Interesting.
Pearl Harbor Was Allowed to Happen
This theory states that President Roosevelt (FDR) provoked the attack, knew about it in advance and covered up his failure to warn the Hawaiian commanders. FDR needed the attack to sucker Hitler to declare war, since the public and Congress were overwhelmingly against entering the war in Europe. It was his backdoor to war.
Theorists believe that the US was warned by, at least, the governments of Britain, Netherlands, Australia, Peru, Korea and the Soviet Union that a surprise attack on Pearl Harbor was coming. All important Japanese codes were broken. FDR and Marshall and others knew the attack was coming, allowed it and covered up their knowledge. Gee, this has an oddly familiar ring to it. Makes you wonder, don’t it?
The Philadelphia Experiment
The Philadelphia Experiment was an alleged naval military eperiment at the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, sometime around the date of October 28, 1943, in which the U.S. destroyer escort USS Eldridge was to be rendered invisible to human observers for a brief period of time. It is also referred to as Project Rainbow. The story is widely regarded as a hoax. The U.S. Navy has stated that the experiment never occurred, and furthermore, details of the story contradict stated facts about the Eldridge.
According to some accounts, the experiment was conducted by a Dr. Franklin Reno (or Rinehart) as a military application of a Unified Field Theory. The theory, briefly, postulates the interrelated nature of the forces that comprise electromagnetic radiation and gravity. Through a special application of the theory, it was thought possible, with specialized equipment and sufficient energy, to bend light around an object in such a way as to render it essentially invisible to observers. The Navy considered this application of the theory to be of obvious military value (especially as the United States was engaged in World War II at the time) and both approved and sponsored the experiment. A navy destroyer escort, the USS Eldridge, was fitted with the required equipment at the naval yards in Philadelphia. Personally, I’m a little disappointed that this is a hoax. How cool would it be if we could make our military invisible? I think we could use some of that now.
Flat Earth Society
In 1956, Samuel Shelton founded a society that subscribed to a theory about the shape of the Earth — namely, that it’s flat. Shelton based his theory upon what he called common sense and personal observation. He called the scientific evidence for a globe-shaped Earth “dogmatic,” meaning scientists were making this claim without adequate evidence. Later, when people showed him pictures of the Earth taken by satellites, Shelton claimed the photos were fake. He and the members of his society continued to support the idea that the Earth is flat and that those who disagree are part of a conspiracy to keep the truth about the Earth hidden.
Shelton died in 1971, and leadership of the society passed to Charles Johnson. Johnson led the society until his death in 2001. Without leadership, the society fell apart. Critics of the Flat Earth Society say that its members simply deny any evidence that conflicts with their world view without offering real alternative hypotheses. Well, you can lead a conspiracy theorist to geometry but you can’t make him grok it.
Planet X (didn’t they make a movie about this in the 50’s?)
This theory says that our solar system has a 10th planet (if you count Pluto as a planet, otherwise the mystery planet is no. 9). The planet is supposed to be enormous and on an orbital path that will bring it close to Earth soon. Proponents of this theory cite earthquake and weather data as evidence of this planet’s growing influence on Earth. They also claim that the government is forcing observatories to close to keep the planet’s approach secret and prevent panic. Several astronomers have said that there’s no evidence for the Planet X theory, and that if the planet did exist, humans would be able to see it even without a telescope. Wow, all this time we thought it was global warming that was screwing with our weather and now we find it’s a giant planet with a big red x on it. Who knew?
Illuminati and Majestic
Supposedly, the Illuminati is another secret organization with ties to space. There are hundreds of different theories about the Illuminati, some of which say it’s the organization to which all other secret governments report. In what is possibly the strangest theory on this list, some people claim that the Illuminati are the descendants of the union between humans and an extraterrestrial reptilian race.(Here come those giant reptilian aliens again, anybody else sensing a theme here?) According to this theory, these hybrid descendents have infiltrated the highest levels of government in countries around the world. The supposed goals of the Illuminati range from simple world domination to preparing the Earth for extraterrestrial colonization. Skeptics say there’s no evidence to support the existence of the Illuminati, but conspiracy theorists say that the lack of evidence actually proves the group exists. Believers say the Illuminati is so effective, they’ve erased almost all evidence of their existence. LOL - don’t you love that the lack of evidence is the evidence? Too funny.
Shifting Poles
Some people believe that the Earth’s North and South poles weren’t always located where they are now. They believe the Earth once rotated on a different axis. Others say that the Earth always rotated about its polar axis, but that the Earth’s crust shifts so that the land located at each pole changes. Climate change, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions result from stresses on the Earth’s crust during the shift. Some claim that the Earth will soon experience another dramatic polar shift, and that, as a result, entire continents might sink while new ones emerge from the sea.
The polar shift hypothesis enters the world of conspiracy theories when some claim that top governments and scientists know of the impending shift but refuse to share the information with the public. Supposedly, they’re keeping it a secret to avoid causing a panic. Well, I guess Algore has let this one out of the bag, eh?
The Dead Cosmonaut
Model of the Russian satellite Sputnik I on display at the Soviet pavilion during the 1958 World’s Fair.
During the 1960s, the Soviet Union and United States raced to become the world leader in space exploration. The winner would be able to claim technological superiority over the other. The Soviet Union had the early edge: In 1957, it launched Sputnik, the first man-made satellite. In 1961, the Soviet Union dealt the American space program another blow when cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first human in space. But, according to the Judica-Cordiglia brothers from Italy, Gagarin wasn’t the first.
The brothers set up a listening station in Italy to intercept communication transmissions between ground operations and spacecraft for both American and Soviet missions. Weeks before Gagarin’s successful flight, the brothers claimed to have detected and recorded radio transmissions of a cosmonaut slowly dying while adrift in space. The Soviet Union denied the brothers’ claim. Supporters of the theory believe the Soviet government hid the cosmonaut’s death to preserve the country’s reputation as a leader in space exploration. The truth remains a mystery, though the recordings are available online, if you’re curious to hear for yourself. Gosh, do you think the Russians really might have lied? I’m stunned.
Jimmy Hoffa
Jimmy Hoffa earned a reputation amongst peers as a tough and effective negotiator. After negotiating the union’s first national contract with trucking companies, the Teamsters Union membership grew to more than two million under his leadership. With time, this raised the ire of many, as Hoffa became the subject of many government investigations and prosecutions that ultimately led to his imprisonment in 1967.
Hoffa left prison in 1971, but disappeared four years later. The last time he was spotted was at Machus Red Fox restaurant in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, and we have no reason to think that it was the food that killed him. Eight years later, he was finally declared legally dead. And as Angie the loan shark likes to say, ‘he’s swimmin’ wit dah fishes, now.”
While I’m sure I didn’t hit all the conspiracy theories out there, I think we got a good cross section of crazy, whacky, large scale paranoia from the above. How about you? What’s your favorite conspiracy theory?
Don’t Swoon For Me Argentina
Posted on June 29, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun
You know, of late, I’ve noticed a disturbing sexist pattern of behavior in some readers of blogs I visit. Swooning, crying and apparently, in some cases, fainting. Pass the smelling salts, will you? Said swooning and likewise super girlie behavior can usually be found on the blogs of men. Hence the sexist aspect of this widespread epidemic. And frankly, this has me a little flooped out.
I mean, what am I, chopped liver? Yes, it’s true, I’m jealous and feel more than a little left out. There is nothing more disheartening than visiting one of my buddies blogs only to see an inordinate amount of female commenters, swooning, moaning and fanning themselves. It’s just not fair.
I don’t get any boy readers over here, clutching their hankies and dabbing at their tears (while silently vowing their undying love for me) reading my posts. No, usually it’s “Great post, WC” a smack upside the head and they’re off. What’s up with that? Seriously, why is it the guys get all the good lovin’ in the blog world? Have you ever wondered about that, ladies? Haven’t you ever sat back and thought, “Gee, I wish somebody would come and whimper over some of my good stuff!” (Not to mention a couple of tear stained emails.) And then stamp your foot in dismay, whilst smoothing out your pinafore?
Barring nude and alluring photos of ourselves on every blog post, how are we supposed to get some of that good lovin’ like the guys get - and in copious amounts, I might add? Does having some ‘junk’ in the box (as it were) automatically transcend the reader into a quivering mass of emotional jelly? Can pheramones actually exude through a computer monitor? Does three day stubble make all the difference? Cuz I can do that, just not on my face.
Or is it simply the nature of men and women? That despite all of our evolutionary advances, high tech, equal rights, women’s rights, the new age, global warming and the Constitution, girls are still girls and boys are still boys and ne’er the twain shall meet? As simple as girls cry and emote and men scratch themselves in public and grunt their approval? Can men only safely express their emotions during the SuperBowl and gut-wrenching sex? Or are they just holding out on us? Lapping up the love but not so much as giving out a batting eyelash?
Seriously, what’s a girl blogger gotta do to get some of that lovely, weepy, swoony bloggie love? And oh yeah, I demand a recount. 
Welcome to Self-Hosting! You Idiot…
Posted on June 28, 2008 - Filed Under Blogging, Just For Fun, adventure, blog gods
Did you ever wish for something, daydream about it and get those nice warm fuzzy feelings at just the thought of having it? Then by some miracle it actually happens and then find yourself in a constant state of Gobsmackedness by how it really goes? Gone are the gossamer images of the perfect life and skipping across the perfect, still lake like a happy little stone.
Welcome to self hosting. Cripes! Until I started the whole self-hosting adventure, I considered myself to be an intelligent person. Quick on my feet, able to multi-task and always prepared with an answer. Well, I can forget all that, now that I own this blog. Suddenly, all of my complaints about Wordpress don’t seem so valid anymore. Truly, I took for granted what they offered and how easy they made it for anyone with an opinion about anything to publish to the world at large.
Are you thinking about self-hosting? Wanting to break out on your own, maybe make a little money, create your own brand? Well, despite all the thousands of Ebooks floating around and the bagillions of cheap hosting companies, it’s not quite as easy as you may think. In fact, without the help of several friends I’d never have gotten this far.
First of all, you have to get a domain name - easy you say? Well maybe…but if you have an even remotely familar name it’s probably taken - Writer Chick dot com for example was taken - so we had to add the talks on the end of it. Not my first choice but my first choice was taken by someone who basically doesn’t really have anything more than an advertising site. Bummer. Then there is the hosting. Too complicated and unconfrontable for me, so once again, Moe to the rescue. I do have the information, sent in an email, but the need for translations is vital and desperately needed.
Then we move onto the software - luckily you can get it from wordpress, so the format is familar and things are similar…but have you heard of Filezilla and ftp files and can you read CSS, edit themes, widgetize themes, download plugins, know you API key code? And does anybody out there know why Google Analytics refuses to work on my blog? Then of course we move onto adsense (which by the way, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense) affiliate programs, adbrite, turtlewax and cake recipes… So much to learn so little time. Once again, without friends to guide me, I’d be suicidal by now.
So, okay by some miracle it gets all set up but after a few days I don’t like the theme, which btw, I spent hours going through thousands of themes to find - and it has some weird little bugs that are making it difficult to do the simple things - like post a video for example, change headers, blah blah. So onto another theme, tweak, tweak, tweak. Nah, not really crazy about that one either. Okay, let’s peruse another thousand themes just for fun. Oh thank god, they created a pretend site where I could fiddle with this stuff - oh crap this theme make the widgets go psychotic, that one just disappeared my blogroll, that’s just butt ugly. Okay, let’s check again. Finally, we find the theme we are looking for, it works like a charm, I can see my blogroll again and people can actually read it. Yay! Still, Google analytics won’t work no matter wtf we do. Screw it. Who needs it? Not, I, apparently.
Oh and by the way, what happened to my page rank? Gone, you say? I’m starting over so Google is making me start over? Ditto Technorati, every blog directory you’ve listed with and also lots of your readers are still going to the old site where you haven’t posted in weeks. Current page rank for new blog N/A - yup, not even a zero yet. Great!!!! I’m really loving this whole self hosting thing, big time. Kind of like being Ebenezer Scrooge at the boarding school around Christmas time. A little lonely. “But I’m still here,” I chirp to massive echoes and no one there. *Whistling* *Playing Solitaire* Helloooooooooooooo?
Hundreds of emails swapped, late night google chats, hours and hours of figuring out how to find that dang plugin you read about 6 months ago. Yep, we’re having fun now.
Okay, so you’re probably wondering why on earth I decided to do this, given all the stuff involved. Well, first, I didn’t realize all of the many things that were involved, which was probably good because I probably wouldn’t have leapt. So, in this case, ignorance was bliss. Though despite all that and the above, I guess the real answer is that I wanted something that was just mine. Maybe that isn’t a good answer but it’s my answer. It’s a hard thing to explain but I suppose like home ownership, sometimes you just want something that is just you through and through, where you are home and nobody and no thing can do anything without your approval or agreement. Where you are free to create anything that your heart desires and where you can make a true reflection of yourself, good, bad or ugly. Despite the frustration, tears, anger and insanity, I don’t regret it. I revel in it. The possiblity for creativity is endless and I revel in that too. True, it’s not for the faint of heart - but it’s an adventure and sometimes that’s only thing that matters.
Theme Fridays - Park Bench
Posted on June 27, 2008 - Filed Under Writers, joy of creating, theme fridays, writing
In my travels as a blogger, I’ve had the pleasure of encountering some great women writers and have thought it would be fun to do a sort of Writer’s Circle (cooperative project ) with them. Recently, during a casual conversation I mentioned this to Jess and Christine and in no time flat, Theme Fridays was born. The idea is simple - pick a theme and each write a piece based around that theme. We hope to make it a regular feature and add other women writers to the circle as time goes on - in fact, any women writers out there who might be interested, please shoot me an email. We hope you enjoy this new adventure into literary fun. Visit Jess’s park bench and visit Christine’s park bench . Oh, and don’t forget to pick up some cotton candy, hot dogs and ice cream while you’re at the park.
She sits upon me and waits. Looking up as they pass by and wondering who will stop. Will anyone stop? Does anyone see the lost in her eyes, the shine in her heart, the arms that reach out for the life that passes her by?
I whisper but she does not hear my consolations, commiserations, salutations. I tell her the stories that have come before, so she will know she is not alone in her yearnings - not a solitary soul but one of many.
“I’m not special,” she writes again and again in her journal. The ink soaks the page, deep and black.
“Yes, you are!” I hover over her shoulder, whispering loudly.
“No one will ever see me,” the pen assaults the tender pages and the tears smear the words.
“I see you,” I long to sprout arms that can embrace.
“What’s the use?” The journal and pen fly from her grasp and land at my feet. She stands up and the chill splinters me.
“Come back,” I call to her but she drifts away, into the crowd - a blur of black and white, folding into the other invisibles in the noon day sun.
He bends down and retrieves the journal and pen, then sits upon me. He reads her words and looks about. He takes the pen and writes, “I’m not special…”
BAd jOkEs
Posted on June 26, 2008 - Filed Under Joke Time, Just For Fun, my opinions
There must be something in the air lately - I’ve had multiple friends send me batches of bad jokes. Of course to me, there is nothing better than a bad joke. The badder the better. If a joke elicits a big groan from me then it’s high on the joke meter. Not being one to be selfish, I thought I’d share the latest bad jokes floating around.
Remember…the bigger the groan the better the joke. H.T. to Ger and Marli.
- What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
- What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
- Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
- Why is air a lot like sex?Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any
- What do you call a smart blonde?A golden retriever.
- What do attorneys use for birth control?Their personalities.
- What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs
- What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
- What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife
- Why do men want to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.
- Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
- What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ‘Are you sure it’s mine?’
- Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
- Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA.
- Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
- Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
- What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.
- What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time ..’ -A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this S**t….
Puns, anyone?
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception
was excellent. - A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don ‘t start anything.”
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
- “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home!’”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
Well , “It’s Not Unusual.” - An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
were nothing to look at either. - Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
- A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t - I’ve cut off your arms!” - What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kay ak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can’t have your kay ak and heat it too. - A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in
an open foyer.” - Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…(get ready to groan)… A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at leas ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Six Words
Posted on June 25, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, hope, life metaphor, my opinions
Michael over at Smoke and Mirrors tagged me for this meme, which originated with Bookbabie. It’s taken hold of the blogosphere and it’s possible, thousands of bloggers are embracing it, apparently, they’ve lost count - and how cool is that?
The rules are:
1. Post a six word memoir
2. Link to the person who tagged you.
3. Link to the originator of the meme, in this case Bookbabie
4. Tag 5 other bloggers
I went through endless possibilities for the memoir, I mean for Heaven’s sake, it’s only six words - a little restrictive if you ask me. I like words so much that I didn’t want all the other words to feel left out…still, you must choose at some point, yes? So…
I lie awake, looking for truth
Now, as to the tagging, I’m not big on that and the chances are good that most everyone has done this but I’ll throw some names out there anyway. I tag….
So, take it away, ladies.
The Air Car & Other Green Stuff???
Posted on June 24, 2008 - Filed Under Current Events, imagination, possibilities
Well, it’s been a busy week for new green solutions for the price of gas. Though I hate that term green solutions - how about non-tyranical, got you by the balls, solutions? Yeah, I like that better. Anyway, I give you the Air Car! Tada!
(here’s the scoop) The Compressed Air Car developed by Motor Development International (MDI) Founder Guy Negre might be the best thing to have happened to the motor engine in years.
The $12,700 CityCAT, one of the planned Air Car models, can hit 68 mph and has a range of 125 miles. It will take only a few minutes for the CityCAT to refuel at gas stations equipped with custom air compressor units. MDI says it should cost only around $2 to fill the car up with 340 liters of air!
The Air Car will be starting production relatively soon, thanks t o India’s TATA Motors. Forget corn! There’s fuel, there’s renewable fuel, and then there’s user-renewable fuel! What can be better than air?
For more info, check out the website here. (HT to Marli)
And Zelda sent me this:
From The Times
June 14, 2008
Scientists find bugs that eat waste and excrete petrol
Silicon Valley is experimenting with bacteria that have been genetically altered to provide ‘renewable petroleum’
Some diesel fuel produced by genetically modified bugs
Some diesel fuel produced by genetically modified bugs
Chris Ayres
“Ten years ago I could never have imagined I’d be doing this,” says Greg Pal, 33, a former software executive, as he squints into the late afternoon Californian sun. “I mean, this is essentially agriculture, right? But the people I talk to - especially the ones coming out of business school - this is the one hot area everyone wants to get into.”
He means bugs. To be more precise: the genetic alteration of bugs - very, very small ones - so that when they feed on agricultural waste such as woodchips or wheat straw, they do something extraordinary. They excrete crude oil.
Unbelievably, this is not science fiction. Mr Pal holds up a small beaker of bug excretion that could, theoretically, be poured into the tank of the giant Lexus SUV next to us. Not that Mr Pal is willing to risk it just yet. He gives it a month before the first vehicle is filled up on what he calls “renewable petroleum”. After that, he grins, “it’s a brave new world”.
Mr Pal is a senior director of LS9, one of several companies in or near Silicon Valley that have spurned traditional high-tech activities such as software and networking and embarked instead on an extraordinary race to make $140-a-barrel oil (£70) from Saudi Arabia obsolete. “All of us here - everyone in this company and in this industry, are aware of the urgency,” Mr Pal says.
Related Links
* Biofuel: a tankful of weed juice
What is most remarkable about what they are doing is that instead of trying to reengineer the global economy - as is required, for example, for the use of hydrogen fuel - they are trying to make a product that is interchangeable with oil. The company claims that this “Oil 2.0″ will not only be renewable but also carbon negative - meaning that the carbon it emits will be less than that sucked from the atmosphere by the raw materials from which it is made.
LS9 has already convinced one oil industry veteran of its plan: Bob Walsh, 50, who now serves as the firm’s president after a 26-year career at Shell, most recently running European supply operations in London. “How many times in your life do you get the opportunity to grow a multi-billion-dollar company?” he asks. It is a bold statement from a man who works in a glorified cubicle in a San Francisco industrial estate for a company that describes itself as being “prerevenue”.
Inside LS9’s cluttered laboratory - funded by $20 million of start-up capital from investors including Vinod Khosla, the Indian-American entrepreneur who co-founded Sun Micro-systems - Mr Pal explains that LS9’s bugs are single-cell organisms, each a fraction of a billionth the size of an ant. They start out as industrial yeast or nonpathogenic strains of E. coli, but LS9 modifies them by custom-de-signing their DNA. “Five to seven years ago, that process would have taken months and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars,” he says. “Now it can take weeks and cost maybe $20,000.”
Because crude oil (which can be refined into other products, such as petroleum or jet fuel) is only a few molecular stages removed from the fatty acids normally excreted by yeast or E. coli during fermentation, it does not take much fiddling to get the desired result.
For fermentation to take place you need raw material, or feedstock, as it is known in the biofuels industry. Anything will do as long as it can be broken down into sugars, with the byproduct ideally burnt to produce electricity to run the plant.
The company is not interested in using corn as feedstock, given the much-publicised problems created by using food crops for fuel, such as the tortilla inflation that recently caused food riots in Mexico City. Instead, different types of agricultural waste will be used according to whatever makes sense for the local climate and economy: wheat straw in California, for example, or woodchips in the South.
Using genetically modified bugs for fermentation is essentially the same as using natural bacteria to produce ethanol, although the energy-intensive final process of distillation is virtually eliminated because the bugs excrete a substance that is almost pump-ready.
The closest that LS9 has come to mass production is a 1,000-litre fermenting machine, which looks like a large stainless-steel jar, next to a wardrobe-sized computer connected by a tangle of cables and tubes. It has not yet been plugged in. The machine produces the equivalent of one barrel a week and takes up 40 sq ft of floor space.
However, to substitute America’s weekly oil consumption of 143 million barrels, you would need a facility that covered about 205 square miles, an area roughly the size of Chicago.
That is the main problem: although LS9 can produce its bug fuel in laboratory beakers, it has no idea whether it will be able produce the same results on a nationwide or even global scale.
“Our plan is to have a demonstration-scale plant operational by 2010 and, in parallel, we’ll be working on the design and construction of a commercial-scale facility to open in 2011,” says Mr Pal, adding that if LS9 used Brazilian sugar cane as its feedstock, its fuel would probably cost about $50 a barrel.
Are Americans ready to be putting genetically modified bug excretion in their cars? “It’s not the same as with food,” Mr Pal says. “We’re putting these bacteria in a very isolated container: their entire universe is in that tank. When we’re done with them, they’re destroyed.”
Besides, he says, there is greater good being served. “I have two children, and climate change is something that they are going to face. The energy crisis is something that they are going to face. We have a collective responsibility to do this.”
Power points
- Google has set up an initiative to develop electricity from cheap renewable energy sources
- Craig Venter, who mapped the human genome, has created a company to create hydrogen and ethanol from genetically engineered bugs
- The US Energy and Agriculture Departments said in 2005 that there was land available to produce enough biomass (nonedible plant parts) to replace 30 per cent of current liquid transport fuels
***
Now, I don’t know if any of this spells solutions but I do think it’s nice to know that there are those out there looking for solutions and trying to get us there.
UPDATE: Ger sent me a link to a vid for another company called Tessler Motors they offer this car:
Which is fully electric, power efficient and fast - plus there is a solar option which means it is energy positive - and according to their website they have already worked out the recylcling issues for both the tires and battery which is built into the purchase price. Though, I’d be curious to know if they have included the safe disposal of the battery acid as well, since that is my particular concern with electric vehicles. If they have managed to find a way to reuse the batteries, as is the case with current standard car batteries that would make me happy. There isn’t enough data on their website to answer this question, however.
Between Friends - Interview with Anonymum
Posted on June 23, 2008 - Filed Under Just For Fun, friends
Most of you are probably aware that Moe has been doing interviews like a mad woman on a Harley over at the Nook of Oz. If you don’t skedaddle on over there and check them out. Today, my interview is up - or should be going up soon. I thought it only fair though, that we turn the tables and get a little chatfest going with our very own Baba Wawa.
I found Moe’s answers honest, candid and in some cases, a little surprising. I think you’ll find it all very interesting and perhaps it will give you a look into another layer of a woman, so many call Mum. And with no furthe adieu…
1. What is the greatestest injustice you have ever suffered in your life and have you forgiven the perpetrator?
When my sister gave evidence in the family law court for my then husband, during a custody battle. Her testimony was that I was an unfit mother and didn’t deserve to have the girls live with me. It created a siutation where I didn’t speak to her for over 20 years, and it’s only in the last 18 months I’ve come to the conclusion it was time to let it be. I can be somewhat pigheaded at times. Most of me has forgiven her, yes, a part of me will never forgive her and it will never, as long as I live be forgotten, nor will it be understood how you could do that to a family member. Did no fucking good anyway, I ended up with the girls when it was over. I had the last say in the end.
2. What is the biggest lie that people tell themselves and do you tell the same lie to yourself?
That past wrongs against them have been forgiven and forgotten, and that nothing has ever affected them long term. The more I see of people, the more I believe it. Every person alive has issues with one thing or another. To deny it is an outright lie. Yes, absolutely I’ve been guilty of it, just not so much these days. Time and age bring a self awareness and the freedom to admit there have been past events which continue to haunt you no matter what. Everybody has demons. It’s just that some of us are more willing to admit it than others. It’s not an easy thing to admit you’re not 110% well adjusted. I’m there right now, so I speak from first hand experience.
3. What one unanswered dream are you still unwilling to let go of, no matter how improbable the realization?
This was a hard one, Annie. I had to think extra hard about it. Truth be told, owning a boat to live on. That, to me, represents the ultimate in personal freedom. When you get sick of one place you up anchor and find another. You cant do that with a house. Someone said to me once that I would never be happy staying in the one place for too long no matter what. It would seem from this answer they were right. The idea of going from one place to another as the fancy takes me is one I’ve had for as long as I can remember.
4. If you could make time stand still and keep one moment from your past, what moment would that be?
This question gave me pause, and in fact I had a different answer, then changed my mind. The original answer was far too contentious to be verbalised if that makes sense? I weighed up the pro’s and con’s, and the very first time Mark kissed me would win hands down! This husband of mine has a way of kissing me passionatley that makes me feel like I’m the only person on earth he’s EVER kissed, and the only person he ever WANTED to kiss. I tell him regularly he has the softest, most fuckable mouth I’ve ever come across {yes, pun intended!} and I’ll stand by that till the day I die. That first one was an absolute doozy! If it was possible to physically relive it over and over again, I would.
5. If you could ask anyone in the world (whether living or dead, celebrity or common man) one question, who would it be and what would you ask?
JFK. Did he ever suspect he would be assassinated and if so, would he have avoided that place on that fateful day? Yeah, that’s close to 2, but the answer to one without the other bit would be useless I think. I’m greedy. What can I say? Besides, if I had the opportunity, I’m not passing it up!
6. If you could have anything in the world that you wanted, which wasn’t a material item, what would it be?
The ability to sing, and sing well. No hesitation here. I would love to be able to move people with songs.
7. What does blogging fulfill for you - or does it?
This was hard because I’ve never seen it as fulfilling anything. Having said that, it brought me you, Michael and Evyl, all 3 of whom are extra special to me, plus many other people I can relate to. Perhaps that’s the fulfillment and I simply never realised it until now?
8. What is your favorite made up word (by you) and give us its definition.
I have to go with snortle. It’s a term I use to describe when Mark is asleep beside me, snoring his head off! He’s snortling!!! Now that’s a real Morkyism!
9. If you had met Mark earlier in your life, do you think you would have had the good sense to marry him then or would you have blown it?
I’m not convinced Mark and I would have what we have now had I met him earlier. We both needed to experience what we had to that point, in order to understand the way the other thought, and why each of us were as wary of the feelings that engulfed us at the time. Mine and Mark’s story is one that defies any logical explanation. Many, many people speak of love at first sight, we experienced it. It’s like there was “something” that physically maifested itself the minute we spoke on the phone. The first call ever lasted more than 5 hours and by that time I was close to being in love sight unseen, and he says the same. The minute we laid eyes on each other, we were both gone! I’m not 100% convinced it would have been that way had me met before we both went to hell and back a couple of times. In fact I don’t think we would even have liked each other before that. At the time I met him, I was looking for a fuck buddy, nothing more, nothing less. 6 months later we married in a cloud of love that has never really dissipated. It seems to get lost among the daily grind of life now and then, but when I look around the problems hard enough and really make the effort? I still see the cloud. It’s a love that endures, and I’m not sure if we had been any younger that we would have found the type of love and connection I speak of.
10. What situation or action would cause you to accost and bitch slap a total stranger, regardless of the consequences?
If they threatened my husband, children or grandchildren in any way shape or form. There would be NO hesitation. They’d go down like a bag of shit!!! And in fact I’ve done it. No shock there I guess?
Thanks, Moe, for your candid and very interesting answers - you’ve impressed me once again, with your utter lack of guile and your trademark straightforwardness. And…you even surprised me on a couple of these - in a fun way. Love ya!
The Many Faces of Blogging
Posted on June 22, 2008 - Filed Under Blogging, Just For Fun, brain farts
While blogging is all the rage and pretty much everybody does it now - at least I think pretty much everybody does it - I thought it would be fun to ponder the various types of bloggers who write them. We all know there are types of blogs: Mommy blogs, techie blogs, picture blogs, writer blogs, food blogs, celebrity blogs, political blogs, blogs about nothing (think Seinfeld), sad blogs, happy blogs, silly blogs, dark blogs, photo blogs, confessional blogs - you name it, if it’s got a topic you can rest assured there is a blog about it, for it, in honor of it, talking about it.
So…then…one has to wonder who writes these blogs? What motivates them? What is the gray matter and driving force behind them? Here’s my list:
1. The Theme Junkie: This is a blogger who has gone through every theme in the free blogging universe and is still restless and unsatisfied with the look of their blog. Whether it be graphics or function, they simply can’t get their proper jones with any acceptable themes in a free blog forum and so are driven to GoDaddy to set up a self-hosting account and then spend, hours, days, weeks, perhaps months looking for just the right theme, often crashing their blogs in the process. Going to their blogs is sometimes like going to a house where the owner is constantly repainting the livingroom. The great thing about Theme Junkies is that they are adventurous, flexible and love to try new things.
2. The Bi-Polar, Tri-Polar or Quad-Polar Blogger: This is a blogger who has more than one blog and may have what I call Multiple Blogger Personality Syndrome. This blogger cannot say everything they have to say on one blog. It simply isn’t possible. There are so many topics and so little time. They spend at least six hours a day on their many blogs and whenever a new idea hits them, they start a new blog. Some of them may eventually settle on one blog or find that there is one blog from which they gain the most satisfaction - but they are reluctant to relinquish their other blogs, just as they would not relinquish part of their personality. And it may well be that seven of the blogs on your blogroll right now, are authored by a BPB - did the hair stand on the back of your neck, there? The great thing about the Bi-Polar Blogger is that they are multi-taskers, they think on their feet, can do several things at once, have an over-abundance of post ideas and are always up for a meme.
3. The Rantasaurus: This is a blogger who has an ongoing disagreement with life. They use their blog as a forum to tell the world what the hell is wrong with it. They complain sometimes about a wide range of subjects or sometimes choose one particular rantable subject and let her rip. They often gain a large audience because they say what other people think but are afraid to opine in public. If you have a rant you aren’t up to posting on your blog, you might be able to do some ghostwriting for your neighborhood Rantasaurus. The great thing about the Rantasaurus is that they are candid, tell you what they really think and they have a blog and aren’t afraid to use it.
4. The Blogoholic: This is a blogger, while similar in mindset to the Bi-Polar Blogger and may have several blogs, is still its own type because of the obsessive compulsive nature of their addiction to blogging. They think blogging 24/7 and would think it more if there were more hours in the day. They wear t-shirts emblazoned with logos like: I’m so blogging this; I’m a blogger; and I blog because I am. Everything is seen through the prism of blogging and everything is bloggable. The blogaholic will likely blog til the day they die and never use their keyboard hand during sex. The great thing about blogoholics is that they are often amiable and frequently help out newbies start their own blogs - in fact, they are a main recruiter for new blogs and without them we would have several less million blogs and bloggers. A sub-category of the blogoholic is the Blog Whore, not exactly the same, but a close cousin. Probably the greatest distinction between the two is that the Whore will use both hands during sex and allows himself two naps daily.
5. The Fluxoramus: This is a blogger who is in flux. Perhaps they started a blog and it was going well for a while but then they decided to change things. They started to experiment with different topics or approaches and then suffered a stat crash. Desperately, they try to replicate what worked in the past but that ship has sailed. They start over, using secret blogs to test pilot different approaches or they go back and forth between one approach or another. They just aren’t sure which approach they like best. They also can’t decide on chocolate or vanilla. The great thing about the fluxoramus is that they are open to new approaches, often are ahead of trends without realizing it and can assume many blog viewpoints at once.
6. The Widgetizor: This is a blogger who is a cousin to the theme junkie. They are totally in love with sidebars, often displaying two or even three sidebars, in order to accomodate their huge blogrolls, interests, directory affiliations, badges, awards and pet causes. This is a blogger who never met a widget they didn’t like. If they are a self-hoster, they also have a love for plugins and are constantly trolling the plugin directories for cool little functions they can play with on their blogs. The great thing about the widgetizor is that they are big kids at heart, they love toys and gadgets and are always looking for ways to play. A sub-category of the widgetizor is the Plugin Wizard, one who has grown bored with widgets and has gone full force into plugins.
While I’m sure there are many more faces of blogging out there - this is my list. What’s your blogger face? Feel free to add to the list if I’ve missed any.
Gobsmacked - Scammed Again
Posted on June 21, 2008 - Filed Under bad hair day, copywriting, dasterdly deeds
I consider myself an intelligent person, so whenever someone manages to trick me I feel utterly gobsmacked. A couple of months back, I was contacted by an internet marketing company to which I’d submitted a resume. The man I spoke to was charming, funny and you got a sense right off that he was regular folk. Someone you could be friends with. Good, right?
After we hung up, he immediately sent a contract and some tax forms, which I filled out and sent back the next day. Then I didn’t hear from the fellow for over a week - just when I was about to give him up for lost. Again, he was charming and offered reasonable excuses which I accepted. After all, I wanted the work and he complimented me quite a bit on my blog which he said he had been reading.
Then a couple more weeks went by and again, as I was about to give him up for lost, the phone rang. He had work for me. And wasn’t I delighted to hear about that? He offered me a price, which I accepted and told him to send the info and it turned out to be a pretty healthy chunk of work, which I finished in about three days. They were press releases, not the main type of work he had called me about but some ‘extra’ work that he thought he’d throw my way. He also told me there would be no delay on the pay and that I had only to send him and invoice and as soon as he got it, he would write me a check and send it off. Okay, this is the part that gets dicey. A few days go by and no check. He is only two states over from me and 5 days certainly should have been enough time, since I emailed him the invoice with the last press release. Oh, and he’d already assured me that the client loved the work. So, what was the problem?
The client was out of town and they hadn’t paid him yet - but oh the other work was going to be a go in a few days and again being the anxious writer I was, I let the fact slip that our agreement was that he would pay the invoice on delivery, not when his client paid him. Stupidly, I began the other work and worked on it flat out for four days and go it to him 4 days ahead of schedule. No acknowledgement, no thank you for the work, nothing. When I finally called him he said he hadn’t had time to look at it - which was odd since the deadline he’d given me had passed. If that was the deadline wouldn’t it have made sense for him to have looked at it/edited it? I started to get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach but I’d invested time and work (all of which he had) and I had to continue to believe this was all going to work out fine.
The next day he sent me the pages with his edits, but he also sent me the pages of the other writer on the project and I saw that our pages were vastly different. It worried me that he hadn’t mentioned it - he hadn’t given me any guidelines, though I’d asked for them. But since he seemed okay with the pages I let it pass. He told me that once the client approved, he’d send out a check (which was the agreement). I also asked him about the check for the previous work and he said he was still waiting for his client to pay me.
Then I got a somewhat hysterical call from him two days later, saying the pages were wrong and claiming I’d lifted copy off another dentist’s website - which not only shocked me but made me feel sick to my stomach, as I didn’t lift anything from anywhere. I assured him that wasn’t the case and I offered to rewrite the pages more to the style of the other writer and he said okay. I rewrote the pages (50 of them) in about 36 hours. Just as I was ten pages from completion he called again and apologized for being so worked up and claimed he’d quit smoking and that’s why he’d been so anxious. I told him not to worry about it and finished the pages. I sent them the next day.
The day after that I recieved a cc of a mass email sent to all the writers saying payment had been scheduled and would be sent out Monday. Well, as it turned out it took 10 days for the payment to reach me and it was only for the previous ‘extra’ work - not for the pages.
When I called him again, he said the client was paying on the 15th (of May) and he would cut the checks the next day. The 15th was only few days away so I agreed, even though he’d had the pages for three weeks and they were already on his client’s website.
Well, and the rest of the story is this, after continually calling and emailing and getting false assurances that the check is on the way time and again, there is no check and I’m pretty sure there won’t ever be a check and that he never intended to pay me in the first place. Quite possibly the only reason he paid me the first check was in order to get me to do the work on the bigger project, realizing he couldnt’ stall me any longer and I wouldn’t deliver on the bigger job if he didn’t pay me the small check.
After reading this, you’re probably thinking, duh. And you’d be right to think so. You’d think that all the signs were pointing in the wrong direction and I should have seen them. And I did, sort of…but the guy was just so darn likeable and I just didn’t want to believe he was a shit. I just didn’t want to believe that somebody I liked would do something so shitty - that I’d been so naive and easy to take in.
So, what I’ve learned from this experience as well as a few others is this: Writers are often treated poorly, especially those who are striking out on their own newly and needy for work, the pay offered is close to being an insult and then not getting the small amount offered is even worse. From here on out, I don’t care if the person is charming or not, in fact, I may just shy away from charming perspective clients, I may just look for the just the facts, kind of client who sticks to business and keeps his word. And I will never ever work again on spec - if that means I get less offers than I guess it does. If that means I get no offers, that’s fine too because I can always go get a conventional job if I have to. But from here on out, a deposit is required for my services.
My advice to any writers out there, looking for work, don’t fall for this type of scam - they treat you nice and act like your friend but all they really want is work for free - even if he does utlimately end up paying me, it’s now been seven weeks since I completed the work and turned it in to him, yet he was paid by his client over a month ago. Is this the kind of client you want? I don’t think so.
As a writer you have to value your own work before someone else will. This writer has just begun doing that, as of now. I hope you do too.
keep looking » 
