Hair and Spray- Guest Post by mJ
Posted on July 31, 2008 - Filed Under Guest Post, Humor, adventure
Hi, I’m mJ from Not a Housekeeper and WC asked me to pinch hit for her today.
I was a clumsy kid.
I was the kid no one wanted on their dodgeball team because it was inevitable that I’d ball one of my own teammates in the back of the head.
I was the kid, when playing volleyball in PE class, who’d serve the ball. And instead of actually smacking the ball over the net, I’d miss the ball held in my hand with such verve and force that I’d flop onto the floor, the ball rolling into an unoccupied corner.
Kids groaned when I was the one left to be chosen for sports teams. I groaned too. I should have felt left out, or sad, but I didn’t, because I knew just as well as they did that I was an absolute disaster in any kind of coordinated team activity. Put me in a pair of ballet slippers, and I was fine. But anything that involved other people? Disaster.
In ninth grade, I went to a private school. We had these grey wool pleated skirts, and white oxford button-down shirts, and maroon cardigan sweaters. We could wear any shoes we wanted, as long as we had on knee socks or tights. I wore penny loafers, or purple Doc Martens. Because I was such a dichotomy, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be punk or prep. It was Jersey, so it didn’t really matter much, as long as I had The Hair.
For some reason, in fifth grade, I decided to cut my hair short. In a kind of funky surfer girl do, with the hair a little longer on one side so I could swing it out of my face as needed. I looked absolutely asinine, because I have thick, curly hair. Thick curly hair needs to be long enough to weight itself down, or it looks like a head of broccoli. And I sure did look like a piece of broccoli.
Since my hair was so ridiculously unruly, I used hairspray. We didn’t have product in those days-AquaNet or Stiff Stuff was as good as it got, so I had both. And used them judiciously. I decided to grow my hair longer, so by the time I was in ninth grade it resembled a mass of bird’s nests rather than actual hair.
My hair grows outward. Not down.
The amount of hairspray I used on any given day didn’t help, nor did the fact that instead of allowing my curls to air dry, I instead hit them with a blow dryer.
It was the end of my ninth grade year, and it was hot. And sticky. And humid. And it was that time of year for the PE fitness tests, which meant an entire week of being outside daily. Does anyone know what thick, curly, hair sprayed hair does at the end of a week of being outside?
It poofs. Significantly. So, on Friday, the last day of PE tests, I used an extra dose of hairspray to counteract the effects of the humidity. Which basically meant that my hair was immobile. A helmet, as it were. My hair wasn’t going anywhere.
I’m on the track, running my mile, when a bee stopped by. The scent of my sticky-sweet hair must have attracted him, because he decided to hang around for awhile. Which I didn’t care for, and responded by swatting and dodging and running crazily. Which the bee didn’t care for, so he responded by attempting to sting me.
And he did. Right in the scalp above my left ear.
And then he died, in my hair. Because I had so much hairspray creating a helmet, that the bee couldn’t fight his way through the jungle to get out and die in peace. Of course, this horrified me, so I was sent to the school nurse, to get the bee out.
She wanted to wash my hair. At school. And I didn’t have any hairspray.
So I told her “no”, went back to PE with a dead bee in my hair, finished out the day, and went home. With a dead bee in my hair.
My parents grounded me from hairspray that month. Took all of it away, and made me go to school with UN-HAIR SPRAYED HAIR. I, of course, sneak-hair sprayed, until one day when I learned the value of air drying.
I still don’t use hairspray, and have an unhealthy fear of bees.
Thanks Annie, for having me hang out at your place today!!
(Thanks mJ, I’m still laughing over this one!)
Twenty Vs. Twenty - Guest Post by Panther
Posted on July 30, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, love, possibilities
Hi, I’m Panther from the Urban Panther’s Lair and I was so thrilled when Annie asked me to come on over to be a guest blogger, I foolishly gave her the opportunity to pick the topic. I even gave her carte blanche to make it challenging. Well, you know our Annie, she put on her thinking cap and came back with a doozie!
Do you feel that modern relationships (the 20-somethings) are fundamentally different when you and I were in that age group?
Well, I was 20-something, about, um, 20-something years ago. And I have three children who are 20-somethings. While this doesn’t make me an expert, it certainly means I can have a heck of a lot of fun extemporizing on this topic!
In my children, and their friends, I have observed three major differences on their approach to relationships from how my friends and I approached them at the same age.
1. Caution
I dated my boyfriend for six months, got engaged, and was married within a year. I was doing a scan of my friends from that time period, and stories I have heard from other people my age, and this rapid romance seems to have been quite common. We were certainly all married before our 23rd birthdays. My children, and their friends, are taking a much more cautious approach. D1 dated her boyfriend for four years before she moved in with him. She’s 23 and he’s 27. D2 has been dating her boyfriend for almost a year, most of that at a distance because they were in universities over three hours away from each other. In the Fall, she’ll be heading to another university over an hour away, and then heading off to Europe to do a placement in a museum. Their friends also seem to be taking time before moving in with their boyfriend or girlfriend. And marriage? Add another year, or two, or three, of living together before that is even a consideration.
2. Stick-to-it-tiveness
When my friends and I were dating, if we broke up, we broke up. Maybe one ’second chance’ but that’s it; NEXT! What I have found fascinating is the willingness, mainly on the part of the young women, to wait it out. In what I think is pretty typical fashion, the young males panic when they start to ‘get too close’ to their girlfriends, and hit the highway at a run. Then they realize they actually miss their girlfriends and come back. This Panic, Run, Return pattern repeats itself several times. Sometimes, children are even created during the Return stage, triggering yet another Run. The young women aren’t sitting around pining for their man, and do carry on, but they open up their hearts and homes during the Return stage. Eventually, the young men deal with their fears and commit themselves to the relationship.
3. Screw the man
No, not that way! I mean screw The Man. For the most part, we were chasing the all mighty dollar. Long work hours, training courses at night, volunteer hours to build contacts, etc, etc. We were always seeking the next promotion. This meant time away from our loved ones. Not my kids and their friends. Yes, they are getting an education, and yes they want to live comfortably, but when they leave work, they leave work. They are willing to live on less materially, in order to enjoy each other, their friends, and eventually their kids.
So, why the above three differences? This is where I am totally taking a wild guess, but here’s my theory. Caution…heck, I’m on my third long term relationship. My kids lived through my first two, which weren’t all that pleasant. Especially the second one. No wonder they are taking time to really get to know their partners. Sticking it out? I was divorced by the time I was 28. Most of my friends and acquaintances were divorced by 30. These kids are working out their differences and growing into each other first. And if that means times apart from each other for personal growth, so be it. Screw The Man? I am sure a lot of the 20-somethings of today grew up watching one or both parents giving their all to work, only to have the plug yanked unexpectedly after 20 or 30 years of dedicated service. Missed dinners, missed school concerts, missed bedtime stories? Not what these young people want for themselves and their families.
Despite the difference in approach to building relationships, I know my kids want the same thing that I want. To live happy, fulfilled lives, with someone who loves and respects them. And I believe, while the initial stage seems slow, they actually stand a better chance of finding that person faster than I did.
(Woo-hoo, Panther, you really rose to the challenge here and wrote a great and insightful post. Bravo!)
The Ebay Skinny - Guest Post by Darla
Posted on July 29, 2008 - Filed Under Guest Post, adventure, heads up, really cool shit
Hi, my name is Darla of the Ultra Beauty Boutique blog, which Writer Chick calls “Free’s Beauty Shack. 
WC asked me to talk a little bit about my eBay success. So I thought I would start at the root of how it began.
I had just decided to null my contract with a multi-level marketing business I had been in for almost 15 years and I was selling off my prizes, extra products, samples, etc. At that time, I participated in a blog where I talked about how I was getting rid of all my of excess. I didn’t give eBay as a “job” a second thought until someone asked me to sell their stuff for them. I said, SURE and that started my consignment business.
Just so you know I no longer do consignment (for the most part) but will share with you the ins-and-outs of what I learned while doing it (I currently ONLY liquidate products).
1. Have EVERYTHING that you will and will not do in writing.
2. There will always be people who expect you to put their items first even if you tell them upfront you are a month behind.
3. Know EXACTLY what you will and will not take and in what condition (i.e. one of the last consignment jobs I did, I found the items were so filthy with mold and dirt that I had to literally scrape & Lysol wipe them off).
4. There will always be those people who will promise you they won’t try to micromanage you, but they will. Don’t be afraid to give the product right back to them at their expense. You are not their slave.
5. Some people have specific places to drop off consignment items, I chose to have people mail them to me, since many items come from quite a distance (longer than a car ride).
6. Decide upfront who pays the fees and the % or the fee you will charge per item.
7. Keep a detailed spreadsheet for the client, listing all fees, selling price, etc. so there is no question of your honesty. PERIOD.
8. There will always be people who think their items should bring more and want you to “pull” the auction toward the end. Decide early on that this is NOT the way to conduct your business. I would also strongly encourage you to put that in writing (I know it sounds like a no-brainer but trust me there are people out there who will try this trick).
The rules for being a trading assistant on eBay can be found here:
If you have any specific questions or suggestions (I’m sure I forgot something) you can leave me a comment here or e-mail me at darla@werlivingfree.com
(Thanks Darla, for those little tricks and tips - I never knew this stuff.)
Beauty is only skin deep? - Guest Post by Teeni
Posted on July 28, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Guest Post, beauty
Hi, my name is Teeni from the blog The Vaguerian Tea Room. First, I’d just like to say how honored I was that Annie asked me to do a guest post. I thank you, Annie, for giving me a different audience to try out a subject that has lately made me wonder how others feel about it. What I’ve been considering lately is beauty versus attractiveness.
We all know the saying that beauty is only skin deep. But also, we all have our own ideas of what beautiful is. I’ve often wondered about the words beautiful and attractive and what they mean to other people. According to dictionary.com, the two words are almost identical in definition, although attractive appears to carry a more sexual connotation.
To me, natural human physical beauty, always meant possessing physical qualities which made others desirous of them or to want to look like them. Again, everyone has their own opinion of what is beautiful. For instance, Angelina Jolie is often touted as the world’s most beautiful woman. Personally, I do think she is naturally beautiful but I don’t think she is the most beautiful woman in the world and that title just means nothing to me because each person has their own standards of beauty.
Now as far as what is I think is attractive for a human, here’s my thinking. I’ve always considered attractive to be the ability to make oneself appealing to others in a physical manner, the ability to attract, whether considered beautiful or not. For instance, Sarah Jessica Parker is by no means what would be considered a typical natural Hollywood beauty. However, I think she is extremely attractive - she knows how to play up her good features and always appears clean and is neatly attired. Angelina Jolie also shines in this category - when she wants to, that is. Sometimes she looks dirty and skanky to me (think back when she was with Billy Bob Thornton), but she cleans up wonderfully (most public appearances with significant other, Brad Pitt). And some people are both beautiful AND attractive, in my opinion, such as Aishwarya Rai.
But now, inner beauty, in my opinion, transcends the physical level. For some it is harder to find because we are so easily blinded by physical traits. Inner beauty would enhance any physical beauty and turn mere attractiveness into ravishing beauty. It’s like a glow that emanates from within, but becomes noticed by those around. It is something that grows the more you get to know the person because it has more to do with an attitude, a concern for others, a love of life. It’s a goodness that isn’t extinguished when the flame of youthful physical beauty dies out.
I can’t point out famous people who I feel have this inner beauty because I don’t personally know them. But there are a few that I suspect have it. People like Halle Berry, Drew Barrymore, and Jennifer Garner seem to me to be the type that would also be beautiful people underneath their outer beauty as well. Again, I don’t know for a fact that this is true, as I don’t personally know these actresses but they are an example of some that I think would be a pleasure to know and have as friends, not just to be pretty faces to look at. I try to consider how they treat others, and how they behave themselves when they don’t know they are being watched.
Whenever I see magazines and shows put together lists of people they feel are the tops, I always feel some people are left off or some just don’t even belong there. So I wonder how other people feel about this whole beauty and attractiveness thing, especially when so many pretty faces are in front of us in movies and on television and in advertising. I know I generally think of women when using the word beautiful but this could equally apply to men. What do you all think and what are your definitions of beautiful and attractive when considering people?
(thanks so much Teens for a great post)
Calgon…Take Me Away….
Posted on July 27, 2008 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., Holiday, breathe, empty head, my opinions
Hey everybody, you may have noticed I’ve been a bit scarce the last few days. Frankly, I’m exhausted. This past week has been very intense and there has just been a lot going on. In a phrase, I’ve blogged myself into a frenzy. So, I’ve decided to take a few days off. Feel the sunshine, walk my dog, smell the roses, sleep in, eat some good food and just generally recharge.
A lovely bevy of bloggers has agreed to do a few guest posts and of course I will have a post for Theme Friday - so please treat them kindly and come and read them, they are all great and fun and I’m sure you know all of them. They are doing me a great favor, the favor of time and I really appreciate it.
Have fun, have a good week and I’ll see you all next week - hopefully recharged, rested and relaxed and maybe even with some decent posts.
Hugs.
Swimming Pool - Theme Fridays
Posted on July 25, 2008 - Filed Under adventure, favorite writers & poets, head exploding, my opinions, theme fridays
The swimming pool was a beast with black tile eyes and chlorinated breath. The Loch Ness of high school gymnasium – filled with sack-clothed fishes and whistle-blowing whales. Splashes that told the truth with thunder unlike doctored scales and fingers shoved down throats.
Littered with forged supplications for pardons of a dozen bevied beauty queens whose synchronized menses assured perfect hair and makeup for math 101 and lunch room frolics.
Dank and smelly, I tasted the mildew as I sucked in breath, spied the perv janitor as I bent awkward in my embarrassment, nauseous in anticipation of hitting the ocean of germs that promised to suck me into its chasm of death.
Go, Rodgers!
I sprung like a coil, rusted and stiff, crashed through a surface of unyielding blue and dropped like a Buick over a cliff. Toes skirted the scum and like rockets they propelled me toward the light. Arms flailing, choking and gasping for air, I crawled out, half dead, rubbing my aching head and uttering voodoo curses at anyone who looked my way.
Yeah, welcome to high school.
To take a dip in Jess’s pool, go here. If you want to do the backstroke with Christine, go here.
Women + Blogosphere = Impact - Part III
Posted on July 24, 2008 - Filed Under Blogging, brave women, my opinions, women, women bloggers
Okay, now it’s my turn on the hot seat and honestly, I don’t mind one bit. Several of the ladies who participated in this post were curious as to what my answers would be to these questions, so if for nothing else, this is for them:
1. What do you believe is the difference between men and women bloggers - e.g. approach, subject matter, readers, etc.
While there are male bloggers who can do the sensitive thing and female bloggers who can do the kickass thing, I do believe that women bloggers are more personally interested and caring about their blogs, their readers and how whatever topic they are writing about will affect the people who read it. It may be the inborn nurturing nature of women who brings this about – but to me it is very obvious.
2. Do you feel men bloggers have a greater impact in the blog world than women - such as more readers, more loyalty, wider range of topics/interests, greater appeal to male and female readers alike, etc.
I do think that male bloggers are taken more seriously. Regardless of topic. Even the ones who write poetry or prose or the touchy feely stuff – perhaps especially, because you know it’s like a big deal when a man reveals his deepest feelings, right? But not so much when women do? WTF? I mean, seriously - why is this?
3. When you decided to start blogging - did you have a particular effect/impact you wanted to create? If so, what was it? Did it change once you started blogging?
Primarily, I wanted to get writing more regularly, wanted to create something that would demand I give time to writing and quite honestly, I wanted to know if strangers would respond to what I wrote. Has it changed since I started? Yes and no - it certainly does demand I write regularly, lest I have an empty blog with no posts. But I am finding that I have an urge to write more meaningful posts, explore new topics, ideas and approaches. Blazing new blogging frontiers? Probably not, but maybe new writing fronteirs because long before I was a blogger I was a writer and honestly that’s all I really consider myself to be.
4. Regardless of whatever effect you set out to create by blogging, do you feel that you’ve had an impact by being a female blogger? If so, how and/or in what way? Who/what did you impact?
I do believe I’ve had an impact, in many ways. There are people who have flat out told me that something I wrote made them think, change their perspective, help them face a problem they were avoiding, feel good, laugh. It’s very gratifying when someone tells you that you made their day in some way. Writing something that touches another human being and somehow helps them is the stuff that reaches straight down into my guts and grabs ahold tightly. Was the impact brought about because I was a woman? I don’t know - I think that who I am has a lot to do with being a woman because that’s my paradigm and were I a man I’m not sure I would have written many of the posts I have written - so I guess that’s a yes.
5. What contribution to the blog world do you feel women bring to the table that male bloggers do not? Or is there no gender gap between male and female bloggers?
I don’t know if I’d call it a gender gap – I don’t really like that term but there doesn’t seem to be another to replace it – but I will say that women do bring something special to the table – their humanity, appreciation for all the small pieces of beauty in the world and a sense of community that I don’t think is native to most men. Not that men are all uncaring bastids, that’s not true at all (I happen to think men are quite the lovely creatures, actually) – I just think women are more likely to reach out, help, nuture, care, worry about you if don’t post for a week, and just generally, notice the details.
6. Are women bloggers held to a different standard than male bloggers? If so, what is the difference - e.g. what is taboo to a female blogger but okay for a male blogger or vice versa? Inequalities??? Not taken as seriously?
Yeah, I think they are. Particularly when it comes the baudier content. Men can pretty much get as gross as the day is long and people will throng to their blogs and get a hoot out of it. Women though, I think have to approach it a little more carefully, set the stage a bit longer and develop a readership first. And too, I don’t think women are taken as seriously as men with certain topics, like politics for example. I sometimes do political posts and I have had some serious ambushes from readers who really challenged me as though I were an idiot. If I’d been a man posting the very same thing, I don’t believe that those attacks would have come about – there might have been some lively debate but it would have been good hearted instead of mean.
7. If you could change anything in the way female bloggers are regarded in the blog world, what would it be?
I would like to see women bloggers just be thought of as bloggers. That a female power blogger doesn’t have to be a Dooce clone to be that. And honestly, no offense to Dooce, but what’s up with that standard? We have to be rude and outspoken to be taken seriously and be read? The problem I see in general in the blogosphere is that there is way too much pandering to the crowd. Meaning, we spend all this time trying to figure out what will bring in the big stats and start writing to that, rather than writing what means most to us and bringing ‘the crowd’ up to our level. Believe me, I’m as guilty of it as the next blogger and every time I do it, I want to kick myself. We shouldn’t be so seduced by the stat counters and the anylytics programs, unless really it’s just about the attention and frankly you can get more attention getting drunk with B list celebrities than going to all the brain strain that the pandering entails.
8. If you could have your wildest dreams come true as a blogger and create whatever impact you wanted, because you had thousands of undying loyal readers, what would it be?
I have to say, I love to inspire dialogue with people. I love to get people thinking, not necessarily what I think, but just thinking. I believe that a thinking person makes the world a better place. There would be so much less reactionary crap from high school shoot outs, to road rage, going on, if people thought more and were more thoughtful. Also, too, I want a fucking book deal. If the cat guy and the stupid white people guy can get one, then hell, it’s my turn.
9. Anything else that you feel separates female bloggers from male bloggers that you want to expound on?
Just a casual observation that female bloggers seem to be coming into their own and perhaps male bloggers are dwindling. Or maybe there always were more women bloggers but they used to be a lot quieter? Hard to say. It just seems that way to me. But I’m happy to report that I think women have finally found a good use for the internet.
And so concludes our not too scientific women’s study on blogging, bloggers - male & female and all things good and wise. I really had fun with this. I hope you did too. And I wanted to throw out this idea - I would love it if any of you lady bloggers out there had similar ideas for posts such as this and would like to do a cooperative project. So, if anybody has an idea they want to shoot over to me - please feel free. I think that addressing women’s issues, blogging and otherwise are important to our community and a lot fun too. Thanks!
PS: And this is a special p.s. to Gerry - if you can get 14 men bloggers who want to do the same questions, etc. I’ll do a post and give equal time. Never let it be said that I am not an equal opportunity blogger. Or, if the mood strikes you, do it yourself and let me know when the post is up. 
Women + Blogosphere = Impact - Part II
Posted on July 23, 2008 - Filed Under Blogging, brave women, classics, my opinions, women bloggers
So, yesterday, we talked about the survey and who the players are. Now we get to the interesting part - below the consensus as well as the quotable quotes I promised (in ital)
1. What do you believe is the difference between men and women bloggers - e.g. approach, subject matter, readers, etc.
59% said that women bloggers wrote more about personal issues, their feelings and about life as opposed to men who wrote less subtle, less personal subjects & topics
25% felt there was no significant difference
17% felt it varied from blogger to blogger despite their gender.
I suspect women write more from the heart, talking more about feelings and emotions than men. Women are more insightful and intuitive about other people.
I believe that men and women pay attention to different things. Though both men and women may blog about politics, I think sometimes the focus will be different because the concerns are different. I tend to believe that several women are a little more careful in speaking their minds- not always! And that’s not a bad thing.
I found that in general (there are always exceptions!) the sites written by men were blatantly crass. The sites written by females, however, seemed to be funny in a much more subtle manner.
Men talk about specific subjects. Women talk about LIFE.
I feel women bloggers are more attached to their readers and are faster to respond to their readers comments and posts. I also feel that female bloggers are more willing to talk about their family and love lives in greater detail than male bloggers.
Perhaps me noting a stereotype, I don’t know.. only based on LIMITED exposure. I find that there are TONS of blogs by guys about technicial things - how to do this, how to do that related to IT, programming, software, etc. It’s like this blogosphere is an extension of their garage as they tell their neighbours and everyone else, how to fix cars, (except instead, they talk about how to fix computer-related things.)
I tend towards a certain flavour of blog and so I find men and women that write within a certain genre and I honestly don’t see that much difference between the two. For example, I read a few
poetry blogs and I honestly can’t tell the difference between the female writers and the male writers in terms subject matter, readers,etc.
Men seem to write what they think will attract the most readers. Women are more inclined to write what they think
There are exceptions of course, but I haven’t seen many male bloggers that include a lot of personal details about their lives.
2. Do you feel men bloggers have a greater impact in the blog world than women - such as more readers, more loyalty, wider range of topics/interests, greater appeal to male and female readers alike, etc.
34% felt women had a greater impact
34% felt men had a greater impact
17% felt it depended on the individual blogger
15% felt men were taken more seriously
Your opinion is, or should be, more important than your gender. If you also have the readership, wide appeal, and reputation, the impact should naturally follow.
Men, but I think that readers take them more seriously because it’s ingrained in us to take what men say more seriously.
I see many more male bloggers get book deals, get famous, etc. Look at Perez Hilton. He’s even been on a reality tv show.
Both have a great impact on their readership. I do think women are more diverse where men tend to stick to one topic.
I am personally more impacted by topics that I can relate to and being a woman, I find that I relate to a lot of discussions, thoughts and ideas that take place in the female blogging arena.
Quite the opposite actually. Again, men seem more inclined to write on topics that attract people as opposed to what they want to write. I’ve known more men guilty of writing for others rather than for themselves than women. Yes, some women do it, but overall it’s mostly men
My view of the blogosphere is completely skewed because I read mostly women’s blogs. So in my eyes, women rule the blogosphere.
3. When you decided to start blogging - did you have a particular effect/impact you wanted to create? If so, what was it? Did it change once you started blogging?
47% started blogging for reasons to do with personal growth/outlets
39% started blogging for exposure to their writing, feedback and/or to start writing regularly
9% started blogging in order to have a positive impact on others
9% started blogging in order to just have an outlet and blow off steam
23% said that their original focus changed
77% said that their original focus is still the current focus of their blogs
I’ve always kept journals but didn’t want to go public with anything that personal, so I drifted more into commentary. If I’m harboring any illusions now, it might be that there are fewer people out there blogging from my perspective, age-wise, so maybe that works to my advantage.
I wanted to get feedback on my fiction. I wanted people to read it and be haunted, demand I write my book right away, quote me.
I also think i write just what is expected of me. I don’t know how I feel about that.
I would create a safe place for others to be real. To be real and perfect and fragile and failing and wonderful…all at the same time. I try to ‘teach’ by example.
I started to blog because I was a frustrated writer. My goal is still to give people a good chuckle, but solely now based on the ups and downs on male/female interactions.
I just wanted a creative outlet to help myself feel validated (as in, see, I DID do something today).
All I was trying to do was to start writing again in some fashion.
I wanted to record things that happened in my life that were important, funny or that I wanted to remember.
I write to share what works for me, I write to tell of my journey, I write in the hopes that someone may find value in what they read, but if it doesn’t happen, I’m good with that too, because my heart is in simply writing for me and it feels wonderful!
I started blogging as therapy thinking no one would read my blog but my sister and maybe my daughter. I just didn’t expect so many people to read my blog.
I started as a way to connect with my friends and distract myself from my job. Over time, blogging evolved for me into something completely different. I am still grappling with what that is.
I’m a blogger blagger. My blog today is more like a personal journal I share with the world. It’s where I wake up and sit and ramble on to myself. Quite risky really. I write all the posts and write all the comments to. On one of my co-dependancy posts, I’ve wrote something like 80 comments. That post has actually saved my life.
All I wanted to have was somewhere to get the thoughts out of my head and come up with maybe a few good posts. That hasn’t changed
Began as a place to blow off creative energy and share my children with family members and friends. It’s still that blog, in a way. But in other ways, it’s so much more. It’s the record of our lives, albeit slightly colored through the lens of the blog. It’s definitely helped me hone my writing skills, and enabled me to feel a little more comfortable within my own writing skin.
4. Regardless of whatever effect you set out to create by blogging, do you feel that you’ve had an impact by being a female blogger? If so, how and/or in what way? Who/what did you impact?
77% believe they have in fact had an impact of some sort by blogging
23% don’t believe they have had any impact by blogging
If I were to have an impact, I would hope it would come from what I had to say rather than whether I was a woman.
I would love to discuss women in the world, how our bodies are used against us, how our focus and priorities are seen as light, fluff and when we try to be edgier, we’re not feminine or we’re trying too hard.
Fortunately, I do feel like I’ve had a positive impact by blogging. It seems that I’ve had equal impact on the guys and gals – the one thing they DO seem to have in ‘common’ is a desire to grow and mature into more loving ‘awake’ people.
Absolutely! Again, based on what I write, I bring the female perspective to the table. And in general, women are more outspoken in their empathy. While men may relate to someone’s story, they don’t necessarily say too much about it. When I am reading other people’s blogs, I comment when what they write about triggers an empathetic story in me. I rarely write one-liners when I comment. I want to share my knowledge and learn from theirs. I think men tend more towards networking, which is sharing information. Women lean more towards building communities, which is sharing wisdom.
Yes because I show that you can have a gabillion mis-haps (ever seen me with an appliance?) and I’m not any less of a woman/mom than anyone else. I think people need to see that.
At the very least I shed to light to issues that affect women, such as health issues and the struggles women have while looking for work. I see that not only do my faithful readers learn about these things, but people are searching for these health issues that mainly affect women. I’ve even impacted myself as I discover and read other female bloggers sharing about their own diseases.
If I’ve had an impact, I hope that the people who read my blog will look at the world just a little differently. Maybe not take themselves or life situations so seriously all the time, and be able to laugh at themselves a little. I also want people to appreciate the little things, and to look for what is really important to them in life. I want people to notice what is going on around them.
Have I made an impact on her life? Absolutely! Did being female having anything to do with it? I think the only way is that she relates to me. She’s also a mother, also busy, also all kinds of things we all are, and she’s been able to see how I can juggle all my balls, and still be incredibly happy and living life fully.
I don’t ever discuss politics or religion. Not that there is anything wrong with that but I don’t want to debate about what I write. I hope that my humor puts smiles on people’s faces.
In a weird way, I think I have had somewhat of an impact by being a female blogger. I know that when my baby twins died and I blogged about it and my grief, a lot of people emailed me and some of them
thanked me for being so honest about my emotions because it helped them in their loss.
I’m not convinced I’ve had any impact at all. I’ve perhaps generated a little traffic for those I think others will enjoy, but that’s certainly not what I set out to do.
I hope I make an impact. I hope that people read my blog and laugh. I also want people see that Stay at Home Moms are smart, articulate, and educated. And did I mention damn funny? I hope my blog reflects that. We are Stay At Home Moms by choice, not circumstance.
5. What contribution to the blog world do you feel women bring to the table that male bloggers do not? Or is there no gender gap between male and female bloggers?
70% believe there is no gender gap in the blogosphere and that it is the individual who brings whatever they bring to the blogging table.
30% believe there is a gender gap and it is tilted in the direction of men
Humanity. Compassion.
Oh, there is certainly a gender gap. This is why Hillary didn’t get the nomination people. Men love their power and I see discrimination every day towards women, and not just in the blog community. Look at the top 100 Blogs on Wordpress and just see how many of the top bloggers are male. And look at the latest blog to get a book deal Stuff that White People Like - ran by a male blogger.
I think women are not afraid to show their emotions. Some men can write with feeling, but I find that blogs by men are more straightforward, while blogs by women can be more emotional.
Women bring a more personal note to the table. Men seem to hold back on the personal stuff where a woman will be more open and let her true feelings show. I have read a few blogs by men who do show their feelings but certainly not as many as woman bloggers do.
6. Are women bloggers held to a different standard than male bloggers? If so, what is the difference - e.g. what is taboo to a female blogger but okay for a male blogger or vice versa? Inequalities??? Not taken as seriously?
59% feel that men/women bloggers are on equal footing, no double standard
41% feel that there is a double standard and that men can ‘get away’ with more than women
Men, boys, all of them have free reign. Whatever is practiced in society is definitely going to translate into cyberspace- friendship, classism, a sense of community, sexism, racism, thirst for knowledge, a need for art and creative release, etc.
I’m looking to make a positive impact on somebody’s life, simply by retelling my own life experiences…I’m trusting that God will draw the ‘right’ people and the ‘right’ time, for connection.
I’m no expert, but I feel that people are more drawn to certain types of blogs because they are written by males. I don’t have the answer why this happens, but it happens. There are plenty of very very funny female bloggers out there, but I just see enough of the ladies profiled as often as the male bloggers are. Historically women were never taken seriously. I work at a job where all of the men hold all of the power making decisions .. and I always hear stupid comments like she is just on her period or just being a chic or you know how women are … It’s so offensive, but it happens all the time.
I wonder if men are a little more fearless when it comes to blogging. However, I believe blogging gives women a chance to say things, especially anonymously, that they would never dream of saying out loud in their day to day life.
7. If you could change anything in the way female bloggers are regarded in the blog world, what would it be?
34% want to make changes that are personal themselves and their needs
18% feel huge strides have already been made and should continue
17% wanted to eliminate bias against women
17% want to eliminate any standards not the blogger’s own
17% want an equal playing field
My only ‘change’ would be how the female bloggers regard THEMSELVES!!
I am going to step out on a limb here, but I personally do not like the term Mommy Blogger. The women who are slotted into the Mommy Blogger category have so much more to say and contribute than that. It’s about supporting and sharing and teaching and learning.
I think they are making HUGE strides. The way it’s going now, in the next year, I think we’ll be light years ahead of what men have done in the last 5 years combined.
I wonder if some people think that female bloggers mostly blog about their children, families, religion or weight loss. Really, there are so many fantastic female bloggers out there, and it is a shame if they are all put into the same category.
8. If you could have your wildest dreams come true as a blogger and create whatever impact you wanted, because you had thousands of undying loyal readers, what would it be?
70% have the goal of inspiring/impacting/influencing people’s lives for the better
23% want to entertain
8% want personal recognition for their writing
I’d love to have a book deal drop into my lap, like what happened to the guy at “Stuff White People Like.” (That way you skip the whole write-submit-pray-cry-repeat cycle). And people might say of me, “Wow, she’s deep” or quote me because I’d said something so well. I’d use a pen name, of course, because all that attention would embarrass the hell out me.
I’d want something positive, thought-provoking and/or beautiful. I’d want to inspire others to move, to act, to examine themselves and question everything.
“Please, God. Just for today, let my life positively impact the life of another. Thanks.”
To influence how men and women view each other. The genders are different in their thought processes and approaches to life. I think we tend to fight against that instead of embracing it.
To show women it’s ok not to be perfect and you can be happy being yourself.
I really just want to entertain and educate my readers … and I hope I do!
I want people to love, educate, discipline and appreciate their children. I want people to enjoy their lives, even while tackling the most mundane tasks. Make lemonade out of lemons, I suppose.
I would love to change one life. I would love to change two or more. If I could make people happier, more satisfied, take control of their lives and learn that simply being is a wonderful way to live, aren’t we all better for it? Imagine removing one more angry, grumpy person from cutting you off while driving… we can only start with ourselves, right? And then hope to expand that message to others. It starts with each of us.
Make people smile. It seems to me that people don’t laugh and smile as much as they used to. There’s so much in the world that is depressing and I don’t want to write about it. Enough people do that. I just want people to visit my blog and hopefully get a good chuckle.
I would like to spread kindness, generosity and inspiration for others to truly be who they are and aspire to follow their dreams. i am all hokey like that, its true.
To make people see that poverty and hunger in a world rich with food and money is ludicrous, thus prompting those with much to give some to those who have little. Sounds dicky I know, but it’s one thing that really makes me shake my head
I would convince all of my readers to convince the rest of the world that fat is the new skinny . .. And then I would tackle World Peace, m’kay??
9. Anything else that you feel separates female bloggers from male bloggers that you want to expound on?
40% feel that women, rather than men, use their blogs as a means of self expression
40% would like to see men be more expressive about their personal feelings on their blogs
20% feel we should all celebrate our differences
I would guess more women than men have the time, and take the time, to blog. Also, I suspect women, more than men, turn to writing as a means of expression
Women and men are different, and we will always think a little bit different from one another. Our differences should be celebrated and not looked down upon.
I’d like to see male bloggers write about their families more. I know about 7 or 8 male bloggers but really know nothing of their families. I know a lot of female bloggers and know a lot more about their families. They talk about their kids and grandkids and husbands but the men don’t.
So, there you have it - the results of my not too scientific study and some very quotable quotes which I hope brought some new insight. Thanks again to my wonderful participants, 30, Panther, Darla, Joanie, Gracie, Daisy, Christine, Girl, Mrs. V., Moe, Jade, Di, Ramblin & Darlene.
Tomorrow, if you’re still with me, I will post my answers to the questions, in part three.
Women + Blogosphere = Impact
Posted on July 22, 2008 - Filed Under Blogging, brave women, free speech, my opinions, women bloggers
Not long ago, I did a post making light of the fact that many male bloggers seem to get the bloggy love in the most expressive ways while the ladies do not. If you missed the post it’s called Don’t Swoon for me Argentina. To my surprise, many took it rather seriously despite the fact I was sure I was being tongue in cheek and had written it to be funny and amuse my readers.
Though the response got me thinking in a less brain farty way. I started to seriously ponder the impact that women have on the blogosphere/internet. Some of the discussion on the above post centered around a survey done a few years back, whose results seem to state that mostly women blogged about food and mommy stuff. This made my neck snap in one of those wtf double head jestures and I thought, “Oh no, I don’t believe that. I really don’t.”
While I will cede that there are hundreds, thousands, perhaps tens or hundreds of thousands of mommy blogs and cooking blogs - I truly don’t believe that is where we begin and end in the blogosphere. While I have absolutely nothing against mommy blogs or cooking blogs both of which i have in my reader and enjoy often - to say that’s all we do in the blogosphere I think gives us short shrift.
For example one of the best poli-bloggers I’ve ever seen is Angie - and believe me, she is all woman. She puts a great deal of work into the research of her posts and always inspires very lively and pertinent debate on whatever issue she is posting about. While she is relatively new to the blog world, she blogs like a veteran who has been there and done that. And like all of us, she has personal challenges that she overcomes on a daily basis, yet you’ll never meet a more cheerful and up blogger. She is candid, funny and oh so smart. And in my humble opinion, a must read.
Another blogger who seems to be one of the best kept secrets in the blogworld is my buddy 30 – she is one smart cookie and has been around the proverbial block many times. She has a BA in Journalism, worked for thirty years in newspapers, as a writer, editor, proofer and more. Her blog discusses the issues of the day in her own quiet, yet direct manner and provides a rare and down to earth perspective on those issues. While she and I part ways politically on many fronts, I find her opinions to be well thought out and worth a look. Always polite and often bitingly funny, it’s a pleasure to visit her blog and have a chat.
So, my pondering gave birth to an idea. I thought it would be hoot to contact a few of my female blogger buds and do a survey to see what came of it. To see if there really was a difference between male and female bloggers and if so, what that difference was/is. My volunteers for the survey are all great bloggers in their own right and cover the gambit as far as topics and genres. I was amazed at the variance of backgrounds and experience of these women and quite impressed and since I want you to be amazed and impressed too, I’ve given a short bio of each below:
30 (aka Piedtype)
Is a 65-year-old retiree, originating from Oklahoma City but currently residing in Colorado. She has BA in journalism and worked for 30 years at several newspapers, as a textbook publisher, a typesetter, a printing company, and as a medical association managing editor. Married and divorced twice, she has a grown son and two grandchildren and assorted nieces and nephews. She describes herself as “ an animal lover, a passive environmentalist, a vacillating voter and a humanist. Excruciatingly shy, I was taught “always-be-a-lady, never-make-a-scene.”
Panther
Panther is a Canadian born and raised in Toronto, and has lived all her life in Southern and Eastern Ontario. She has recently transplanted herself to Quebec to be with her beloved Urbane Lion. She is a mother of three grown children but assures us she had her children very young in life and is still quite the hottie. Currently, she works in Information Technology as a systems project manager. A writer all her life, her brother recently introduced her to blogging and the Urban Panther’s Lair was born. She loves espresso, chocolate and writing about the wacky world of male and female relationships.
Darla
Darla is a an all-American Iowa girl who is all about family & friends and having fun. Wife to the Chief-of-Police for almost 16 years and mom to an 11-year-old son. Currently she works from her home as an accountant and also as a silver power seller on eBay. Decorating, saving money and finding STEALS is her passion. She and her husband also build and flip houses for fun. She blogs about a variety of topics including, decorating on the cheap, steals & deals, recipes, family life & mis-haps.
Joan
Joan is a 59 year old retiree, who had for many years owned and operated a health food store with her dad until he passed and continued to do so for an additional 6 years. She retired early due to health problems and went through some personal dark times. In the past year she has made some dramatic changes in her life and has lost 84 pounds, become “happy” started seeing a therapist, and invited her daughter and son-in-law to move in with her. Her days consist of cooking for the family, shopping, errands and blogging. For Joan, her family comes before everything except blogging. She is patiently waiting for grandchildren and nowadays can find humor in almost everything.
Gracie
Gracie is a 51 year old native Southern Californian, who has been writing for pleasure, purpose and the odd publication since the early 60s. Her primary focus for writing is spiritual in nature, with an emphasis on alchemy: Taking the painful experienes we all have and using them to create a life characterized by love, hope and serenity. Her greatest pleasure is to help someone else feel encouraged, less ‘alone’ in the world, and inspired. To date, Grace considers her two greatest ‘achievements’ to be her son, Adam and daughter, Chelsea - and rumor has it that she’ll become a grandmother next March. She works as the marketing manager for a property management and development firm based in Irvine.
Daisey
Daisy lives in the Toronto, Canada area with her husband, 5 year old son, a dog and cat. In her spare time, she works at a full-time career; teaches fitness classes, and also writes occasionally. A current goal is to get a tattoo that says “may contain nuts.” She warns that she enough information to make her dangerous to society. She endeavors to have fun every time she teaches, frets over grey hairs on her head and considers herself a 7 on a 1-10 scale on green awareness. She currently works for an Energy Services company whose parent company is investing time, money and effort on sustainable solutions for the residential and business markets. Though she doesn’t expect to change the world she is trying to share strategies and thoughts and stories in the hopes of moving us all forward.
Christine
Christine is 35 years old, married and the mother of two daughters spunky and creative children. She is a recent transplant from the Los Angeles area to rural Oregon, where she writes very unique and soul stirring fiction. Shy when speaking of herself, she lets her creative side speak for her.
Girl
The Girl from the Ghetto has been a feminist since she was six and learned that boys always picked on the weakest girls of which, she was one. By the time she reached third grade, she stopped wearing skirts, united all of her female classmates, and formed a gang called HOT LIPS after her strong role model on MASH, Hot Lips Hooligan, and had a t-shirt made up that said “I’m With Hot Lips.” Her gang begun to beat the crap out of the boys, and slowly gained respect on the playground. Besides being a feminist, she is a college graduate who can’t find a career, a blogger and wanna-be writer, a photographer, and defied society by waiting until age 35 to get married. She also did not have a wedding reception and spent $15,000 on a kick-ass honeymoon. She is also a step-mother to two children.
Mrs. V
Mrs. V is a 39 year old, wife, mother, and school teacher. She’s been married for 17 years, a mother for 12.5 years and a preschool teacher for 6 years. She hails from the midwest and likes the lifestyle there, so it doesn’t look good for her moving to New York or L.A. An avid reader she started her own book group 3 years ago to share with other avid readers, although she may be more avid than most, saying that if there are words around, she will read them, even if they are upside down on a cereal box. Plus she states she reads blogs more often than watching TV. Though a newbie to blogging, she usually finds it rewarding, and a great way to record her thoughts. When frustrated she takes a step back, and spends time reading other blogs - for the enjoyment of “meeting” other people and getting a glimpse of what they might want the world to know.
Anonymum
Many know her as A-Mum or just Mum and some of us call her Moe. She is an Aussie on the edge, has a blog and isn’t afraid to use it. An outspoken and plucky Aussie who will never leave you wondering what side of any issue that she stands on. She’s generous to a fault but will bitch slap you if you get out of line. A wife, a mother and even grandmother – she’s had many ups and downs in her life, including losing her mother at a very early age, at times, raising her daughters on her own and two previous marriages. One of the kindest people you’re likely to meet, with a wicked sense of humor. (Note: she left me to write the bio since I know her so well. LOL. How’d I do?)
Jade
Jade is a New Yorker with a Bachelors Degree in Liberal Arts. She works for the New York Central Library, and has helped curate a handful of art exhibits. Much of her poetry, prose, haiku have been published on line and in print, she currently writes for three blogs. Also, she is currently collecting material for an Anthology, comprised of female poets and writers. Jade is a pen name. One of her obsession besides the ultimate cup of coffee is making chokers, which she feels inhabits the qualities of the hay[na]ku poems,elegant simplicity.
Di
Di is a 43 year old woman, mother of two and grandmother to an adorable three year old boy. She’s traveled the world and on her last trip visited, Texas, Mexico and Australia. She is quite candid about her history of drug dependancy and has a good knowledge of different treatments in the recovery world. Her job when is as a group worker for addiction. She makes her home in in a small costal town in England and has an irrepressible love of people. She frequently goes to festival’s and likes to sleep under the stars, sharing journeys, singing, dancing and eating with friends in the sunshine. She says she is not a writer but a rambler. She wakes everyday as the sun rises and writes without knowing what she will write about but rather letting the writing take its own course. She claims it would be fradulent for her to call herself a blogger but I respectfully disagree.
Ramblin
The Rambling Housewife is a former Special Education teacher, current freelance writer and Stay At Home Mommy, and as she likes to joke, “future certified, rambling idiot.” She began blogging in November of 2007 as a way to blow off creative steam, and connect with other women in the writing community.
Darlene
Darlene is a published photographer and poet who lives with her musician husband and sports minded son in the diverse landscape of Western Canada. When she is not scribbling in her notebooks or playing with light, she can usually be found playing with paints, twisting up jewelry designs, creating culinary vegan delights or puttering in her garden. She has an English Literature degree and a Secondary Education degree. She continues to take art and photography classes and hopes that she will continue to learn, grow and change as the years go by. She is grateful for: family, the light that casts beauty across shadows, music that lifts emotions, a little house and garden filled with colour and love, friends and inspirations, the beauty of nature, the ocean’s cold spray, the soft barnacle skin of the grey whale and the possibilities that exist in life.
Now that you know the players, here are the questions I put to their ever so agile minds:
1. What do you believe is the difference between men and women bloggers - e.g. approach, subject matter, readers, etc.
2. Do you feel men bloggers have a greater impact in the blog world than women - such as more readers, more loyalty, wider range of topics/interests, greater appeal to male and female readers alike, etc.
3. When you decided to start blogging - did you have a particular effect/impact you wanted to create? If so, what was it? Did it change once you started blogging?
4. Regardless of whatever effect you set out to create by blogging, do you feel that you’ve had an impact by being a female blogger? If so, how and/or in what way? Who/what did you impact?
5. What contribution to the blog world do you feel women bring to the table that male bloggers do not? Or is there no gender gap between male and female bloggers?
6. Are women bloggers held to a different standard than male bloggers? If so, what is the difference - e.g. what is taboo to a female blogger but okay for a male blogger or vice versa? Inequalities??? Not taken as seriously?
7. If you could change anything in the way female bloggers are regarded in the blog world, what would it be?
8. If you could have your wildest dreams come true as a blogger and create whatever impact you wanted, because you had thousands of undying loyal readers, what would it be?
9. Anything else that you feel separates female bloggers from male bloggers that you want to expound on?
They all had their own approach to answering the questions, there were points of agreement and points of non-agreement. Which I found both surprising and comforting. Surprising because I guess I was under the impression that we women are all still feminists at heart and that in many ways things haven’t changed and yet comforting in the fact that women (to my immense pride) have really found their own place and are much more comfortable in their own skins these days than they were when I was young and beautiful.
Rather than give all the answers in full, I have chosen to quote some quotable responses to each question. A choice I made because 1) many answers were very similar and 2) you probably don’t have that much time to read a post as long as it would surely be if I printed all the answers.
Tomorrow, we address the general consensus of the surveys and the quotable quotes in part two. Stay tuned.
Miracles Do Happen!
Posted on July 21, 2008 - Filed Under Family, Touchstones, brave women, friends, hope, my heart, wishes
Some of you may know that this past May, a very close friend of mine was in a really bad car accident. So bad in fact, that I wasn’t sure she was going to live. To say this turned my world upside down puts it mildly, the last time I was this grief stricken was the day my father died, if that puts it in perspective. Kelly is one of those really special people who lights up a room whenever she enters. She is kind, caring, funny and will do anything for anybody.
Not long after the accident, I flew to Seattle to help in whatever way I could and to join the literally hundreds of other people who knew and loved Kelly in a massive prayer chain to bring her through this catastrophe and give her back to us. It was a very rough week for me and I was in no way prepared to see what had happened to her and to realize how very little I could do for her. Much of the time I spent just trying not to cry and to keep her gorgeous girls occupied. Really, it was in God’s hands and all we could do was pray and send her our love and hope for the best. There wasn’t much sleeping or laughing going on but there was a lot of love and a sort of instant kindredness among all us. Lots of hugs and tears and smiles and hand squeezes. We all wanted the same thing - for our Kelly to get well and weather the storm.
The day I returned to L.A. from Seattle I discovered Kelly said her first words. And fittingly they were to her mother, Charlene. She said, ‘thank you’ when she saw Charlene straightening up her hospital room. Somewhat startled Charlene went to Kelly’s bedside and and looked closely at her daughter and said, “Do you know who I am?”
Kelly said, “yes.”
Charlene asked. “Who am I?”
Kelly said, “Mom.”
And that was the beginning of the miracle. Not only had she lived through a 60 mph impact into her standing still car, she spoke and she remembered her mother. Over the ensuing weeks, I read her brother’s email updates on her progress and it was amazing, lesser men would have died. But Kelly with the spirit of a team of Clydesdales pushed through to each next level with flying colors. Still, I have to admit, I was worried and wondered how much of her memory she had lost. If she had sustained any serious or long term brain damage. If she would be Kelly again. I knew while I was there she didn’t know me. In fact, I’m not sure she has any memory of that week at all. I worried (selfishly) that maybe she would never remember me and we would have to find our way to friendship in a new chapter.
I worried too about her young daughters, her brothers, her parents, her husband - if they too would get their Kelly back.
Today, my prayers were answered. I called her mother to get an update and to see where I could send cards and such to Kelly (since she’s been constantly been transferring to new facilities) and Charlene told me that Kelly now has a cell phone that she is talking to friends on. Charlene gave me the number and of course I called it immediately. Unfortunately, I got the voice mail and left a message.
For hours afterwards, every time the phone rang, I jumped and grabbed it, hoping to hear her voice. When I finally gave up the hope that I’d hear from her, she called. When she said my name I started to cry from pure joy. It was my Kelly. It was really her. The relief and gratitude I felt I simply can’t describe. We talked on the phone for nearly an hour and it was just as though nothing had happened. I have my friend back. I didn’t lose her after all. And I’m so glad because I just couldn’t have imagined life without her.
So thank you, a million times to all of you who prayed for her, hoped for her and her family. Who sent out your love to a stranger, only because I asked you to. Your prayers have worked and have helped to create this wonderful miracle.
keep looking » 
