Why Dead People Should Vote : Writer Chick Talks

Why Dead People Should Vote

Posted on July 1, 2008 - Filed Under Election 2008, Humor, Just For Fun, my opinions

With the upcoming election looming before us, I started thinking about alternative voting blocs. Ask any poller for a run down of voter profiles and they will rattle off a list of demographics and sub-demographics that is longer than a guest list for a royal wedding. Apparently, there is a demographic for every walk of life and quirky behavior - or is there? I wondered if some voting blocs had been left out in the cold? Dead people came to mind as a seriously under-represented group. Just because someone is dead doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have a voice in who will lead the country over the next four years, does it?

Dead people should be able to vote because:

1. No American should be disenfranchised in the voting process. (No matter how bad their complexion is.)

2. They represent a vast silent majority. (If you exclude the night time banshee-like moaning.)

3. There is currently no lobby for body decay. (Mary Kay? Avon? Anybody?)

4. They don’t care what has happened to the social security and medicare funds and therefore won’t hold it against Congress. (Particularly those running for re-election.)

5. The Republicans need a larger voting bloc. (And besides, the dead will do jobs that living Americans won’t do.)

6. The Democrats need a larger voting bloc. (And besides, the dead will do jobs that living Americans won’t do.)

7. They have gone back to nature and therefore are totally green and should be able to cash in their carbon credits. (Soylent Green is people.)

8. Life has gone on without them and it’s just not fair. (I smell a lawsuit coming on.)

9. Without dead people the whole mortuary business would go belly up. (And do we really need that kind of pressure on the economy right now?)

And finally, and perhaps best reason why dead people should be able to vote is….. (drum roll, please…)

10. They already drive cars and shop at Walmart - and some even have careers on Wall Street and in politics.

As always, feel free to add to the list.

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Comments

13 Responses to “Why Dead People Should Vote”

J on July 1st, 2008 7:05 am

Dude. You are so wrong…
I needed a laugh this morning.

Yeah, J, I am definitely wrong.
A
joanharvest on July 1st, 2008 8:38 am

That was great. My father up in heaven is totally agreeing with you. He’s just trying to figure out how to cast his vote. I’m sure he’ll come up with a way. I’ll keep you posted. And your number 10 is right on point.

LOL Joan, maybe he can temporarily possess some young slacker and get his vote in. And number ten is the point.
Annie
PiedType on July 1st, 2008 9:30 am

So funny! I particularly liked “I smell a lawsuit coming on.” ROFL

Aw, 30, you always get my subtext. cool!

Annie
anonymum on July 1st, 2008 1:52 pm

I thought, with some of the election results, they were already voting???
Just goes to show how wrong a person can be huh??

Been giggling all the way through this! Didn’t spit though, cos I’ve learned NOT to be drinking tea when I click the link….

No, Moe, unfortunately the torture will stay with us until November - and possibly further, depending on who gets voted in - in which case it could be four more years. Ugh.

Thank God, you stopped drinking beverages during your reading time. I’m sure your monitor appreciates it.
A
c on July 1st, 2008 2:40 pm

This was hilarious.
Next, you should tackle the newborn-preteen demographic.

And let us not forget the animals. What about them?

Gee Chica, I don’t know how I’d approach the newborn-preteen demographic - you might be better equipped for that. And I’m pretty sure the animal lobby is covered by PETA - since all of its members have already registered all the animals on earth.
Annie
c on July 1st, 2008 2:40 pm

Sorry, i accidently double posted.
But in this nifty editing time period your site offers, i will say again that this was a smart and funny post.

Well heck, if you’re going to say things like that, then you can triple post. Thanks, chicachica

Annie
Jez on July 1st, 2008 5:44 pm

Loved, loved, LOVED it!

Scary thing is some politician may try your argument!

LOL Jez, I think they already have.
Annie
CGHill on July 1st, 2008 5:56 pm

I’m ready for a “No Taxation Without Respiration” campaign.

And I’ll be your campaign manager.
Annie
Spaz on July 1st, 2008 6:23 pm

I’ve given up wondering how on earth you come up with this stuff.

New, funny, brilliant.

(And let me know what you smoke, yes?)

That’s probably good for your mental health, Spaz. I don’t know…it just hits me and then I’m off to the races - must be genetic.

And all I smoke are menthol ciggies - sorry, no special drug - just nicotene and caffeine. :shrug:
Annie
theramblinghousewife on July 1st, 2008 8:15 pm

This was great!

Pass me the menthols! I didn’t realize they did the trick!

Sure, have one. Apparently menthols are good for something besides discouraging people form bumming a cig (well most of the time). Although, I do think it is the combo of the diet coke, menthol cigs and the smartass gene I inherited from my Dad.
WC
angie on July 1st, 2008 10:03 pm

Hey girlfriend! Where have I been? I thought they were voting..

I loved #10..and heck, I just liked them all, you brilliant little writer chick!

Hugs

Well heck, Ange, somebody has to do the comic relief around here. That last post you did was a stunner.

Annie
Simonne on July 1st, 2008 10:16 pm

Annie, #7 is just priceless!!

Soylent Green is people muwhahahahahaha - I love that line, Simonne.
Annie
Joebecca on July 3rd, 2008 7:08 pm

I loved that!! mix humor with anything and i’ll finally understand it! go me!!

Hey Reggie!
Who knew humor brought about understanding? Go girl!
Annie