At Last - Theme Fridays
Posted on October 31, 2008 - Filed Under Family, Life, love, original fiction, theme fridays
At last, I sent my final breath into the atmosphere and I was free. The smell of antiseptic and the squeak of rubber-soled shoes couldn’t touch me anymore. And the colors of the stars were foreign sparklings in the sky that loved me.
I was a child again, teeming with energy and bright ideas. The world a playground and no longer a prison of tubes and pain killers, lethargy and waiting.
All the thoughts and concerns I’d not been able to voice at the end vanished and I couldn’t remember what the worry was in the first place.
Did you know that the moon does look like swiss cheese, close up?
Giddy with freedom and panoramic vision, I turned sommersaults in rarefied air. Giggling so much that if I’d still been stuck in that meatball of a body another drug for hysteria would have been prescribed.
But something pulled me back like flowers to the sun and I found myself hovering once again, in that familiar chamber of death. My lifeless body a curiosity - how shriveled and pale it had become. I felt no longing to return to it. Oh, but a longing I did feel. She was there. My bright girl, a huddle of tears and regrets. “Oh Daddy!”
“It’s okay, Kate,” I whispered in her ear but she could not hear me.
“What will I do without you?” she clutched the white, cold hand that was once mine.
“You’ll go on. You’ll get out of this hell-hole and see that life is out there, waiting for you, my darling girl.”
The nurse tried to pry Kate loose from the hospital bed and that sad room that tried to be happy with flowers and crayon drawings from the grand kids, family photographs, cards and boxes of chocolates dressed in gold lacy bows but never eaten. “Get away from me! I won’t leave him,” Kate threw off the woman’s hands.
Kate always had a fearsome streak that could wilt the steeliest of wills. The squeaky shoes hightailed it out of the room and enclosed Kate in my living tomb and I ached to release her from her chains. “You have to let go, dear,” I whispered again. “It’s time to let me go.”
Kate lasered a sharp look at my still body.
“That’s right, I’m here,” I said a little louder.
Alert mahogany eyes scanned the room. “Who is that?” she rasped.
She could hear me but would she listen? “It’s me, honey.”
More darting eyes, tears rose and threatened to spill over. “Daddy? Where are you?”
“I am in the ether and next to you. I am free. I’m in the air that you breathe, the sun that comes through the open window, the clouds in the sky. I am everywhere.”
And then Kate smiled and let go of my hand. She drew the sheets up to my chin and tucked me in and then planted a sweet kiss on my forehead. “Good bye, Daddy. I love you. I will always love you.”
And I saw the color rise again to her cheeks and her spine straighten as she stepped to the door, then paused. Kate turned back and looked at the shell that was once me and smiled. “You’re free, at last.”
copyright 2008
Christine’s at last moment here and Panther is at lasting here
Ghosts, Goblins & Other Stuff…
Posted on October 30, 2008 - Filed Under my opinions
I know that a lot of you are really into Halloween. Me, not so much. The only significant thing about Halloween to me is that my parents’ divorce was final on Halloween and I never have good costumes. That could be my problem, costume envy. Pretty much, once I got too big to have strangers give me candy for no reason other than the fact that it was October 31st, I lost interest. But for those of you who still enjoy, some toons thanks to Ger.
Scribblers and Scribes
Posted on October 28, 2008 - Filed Under Blogging, Writers, awards, writing
Wow, imagine my surprise when somebody laid this award on me. Superior Scribbler?? See and mom thought my doodles would never get me anywhere. The lovely folks over at Eternity Road added me to their list of illustrious candidates for this lovely little award. And I thank them dearly for it. They had this to say:
Duyen suggested The Writer Chick, and a fine suggestion it is. WC is considerably less concerned with politics and so forth than us here at Eternity Road, which makes her site a refreshing change of pace for us. Her stylistic grace and close engagement with strong emotional themes are most noteworthy.
Stylistic grace, I really like the sound of that - not sure what they are referring to, perhaps that one of my many lists? LOL.
Okay all kidding aside - I get to choose five folks to pass this along to and so they are:
Christine at All the Elbows because quite honestly she never ceases to amaze me and her words have always had that effect on me. She is original and honest and has the most unique way of painting pictures with her words.
Michael at Smoke & Mirrors because his landscape is beautiful and touching, albeit often sad, and so very real that his words can touch as no others can.
Teeni, who is a communicator par excellance, regardless of topics whether it be avatar wars, cancer, painting, or life in general, this girl says it in the gentlest, realist way possible.
MJ, a new addition to my blogroll, whose witty and down to earth style endears and informs and who really needs to be read more because she has some very interesting things to say.
Last but not least, Dube - a woman not afraid to tackle the big topics as well as sci-fi conventions or whatever else hits her radar - the real deal in the scribe trade who puts me to shame but still for some reason likes to read here. She is something.
The rules are easy - link to the person who nominated you, select five candidates and link to the originating post here.
Thanks again to the folks at Eternity Road - a very nice and lovely surprise.
Users, Abusers & Losers
Posted on October 27, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, dasterdly deeds, evil bloodsuckers, temporary insanity
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a few notable “users” in my journey through life. They are very wiley creatures and often hard to spot. Mainly because they have the ‘dodge’ down pat.
Some of them are so good that it seems no matter what they do to you (or others) they always receive forgiveness. Only to do it all again. And again. Because you see, they have perfected the ability to use your good intentions against you.
My most notable user was a woman, let’s call her A, okay? We met while working in the same restaurant and the woman was absolutely mystifying to me. She had a certain charm and wisdom about her that drew people to her and I was one of them and soon became one of her disciples. Spitting out chunks of her philosophy at everyone else in my life. Alienating several real friends, who, thank God, later forgave me my insanity.
This particular connection was years long and there were several attempts on my part to break away. Crazy as it may sound, I felt powerless to remove her from my life even though I knew I had to, I just couldn’t sever the tie. It was as though, despite all the abuses (such as constant demeanment, selling my possessions, telling others I was untrustworthy, criticisms of my goals, informing me that my dream of being a writer was ridiculous, among others) I feared I would somehow cease to exist if I broke away from her. Co-dependent does not begin to describe this relationship.
The final straw came when I arrived home (we were room mates) to discover that many of my possessions were in the driveway being tagged for sale. While I’d been at work, she took what she thought I didn’t need and was adding those things to her pile of stuff for a garage sale the next day. Something just snapped in me and I saw this woman for what she really was - a self-absorbed, conscienceless creature who would do anything to anyone to feed her need for self-importance. Someone who would never be truly happy unless everyone around her was under her control.
A user and abuser, but in truth a loser because she would never understand, appreciate or experience true friendship and mutual respect.
After that, it was easy to break away and never feel the inclination to reconnect. Although it took years to repair the many bridges I’d burned with others, I was happy to make amends to my real friends and God bless them, for their forgiveness.
And I’m here to tell you, having a person like this in your life can ruin it and you. Life is too short and too wonderful to have this type of person around. And while I’ve encountered a few others of this ilk since then, their shelf life was considerably shorter because I saw them for what they were. Moving them out of my life without a thought, which resulted in the almost instant return of my well being and joy in life.
How about you? Any of these folks in your life? If so, maybe it’s time to clean house.
Love Her or Hate Her…
Posted on October 26, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, Politics, candidates
Sarah Palin, the pubbie VP candidate is certainly the topic of discussion around the old water cooler. Personally, I dig her for a variety of reasons but this is not about that. Well maybe it is a little. Click the link and watch one of the best Saturday Night Live skits I’ve seen in a while.
UPDATE: For those of you who can’t get the first link to work try this one - apparently YouTube is blocking all the Sarah Palin vids???? Strange, eh?
You have to give her a little credit on this one and it’s pretty damn funny. Have a good weekend. 
Awake - Theme Friday
Posted on October 24, 2008 - Filed Under love, original fiction, theme fridays
I lie awake. Listen to the rain tap gentle fingers against the pane. My breath raises and lowers my breasts. Drifting in light slumber, twirling in an ethered waltz to the moonlit breeze. Always. Every night. The same.
In the darkness I look for your eyes, wait for your footsteps. Search for your smell, crave your taste, feel your glancing touch. Ache for the weight of your body on mine, your twining legs, your sighing heart. He will come back for me, I tell myself again and again. He will come back for me.
And I wait some more. And the stars chase the sky toward morning and then come back again with the moon. I wait still more but the days and the nights blur. The weeks and months fuse. The years convince me of my mistake and I start to forget.
And look for your love in others’ eyes but they are empty and turn me away. So I turn to another to feed me the same punishment. And the years drag past like sodden leaves in Autumn storms and I turn to no one for no is there. No one is you. He is not coming back for me.
I forget about love and time makes a partner of ticking clocks and empty moments. But friends distract me and I am happy to watch their love from a distance. My time has passed. I accept. I forget. I reconcile to being the half of me that I am. I relent and the breeze is still.
But stillness brings a dream that whispers a secret I can not yet hear - a song I can not remember follows me. The door opens and rose petals flutter to my feet and the light brings the image back to me. And I remember. My eyes open - I am awake and you have come back for me.
What keeps Panther awake? Is Christine awake too?
Does Time Matter?
Posted on October 22, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, adventure, life metaphor, possibilities
Through the ages mankind has always had an issue with time. I know I have and I’m part of mankind so there is at least some truth in the above statement. Much of our lives are built around time too, time clocks, alarms clocks, pocket watches, Times Square, lunch time, break time, quitting time. Aarrrgggh time, time, time controls us and we don’t ever have enough of it for the things we want.
It pervades our language - the clock is ticking, time waits for no man, the time has come, all in due time,
in the nick of time, marking time, time is running out, just in time and many more examples exist. Face it kids, we’re stuck in time - oops there’s another one.
It makes me wonder if this universe is rigged with this time thing, you know? I mean maybe the great god of creation or whatever Supreme Being you happen to believe in set it up so we could just get things done. An arbitrary measure or adversary against which we could race, bet, think, do? It’s possible. Because really what is the point of time? What does it really mean in the longrun? That you can only have so many days to do something, to get something to create something. That once that arbitrary measure runs out so does your opportunities? It’s true that bodies age and with that so does our sense of time, possibly our inspiration to do things, achieve things or maybe we just get tired? On the other hand there are those out there who seem to defy time, look and act years younger than they are.
So maybe time has some aspect of agreement involved in it? You know like, you agree that time passes and things age as time passes and things change as time passes and stuff like that. But do they really? Is that really true or just a little game we’ve made up as part of the bigger game of life? I can think of dozens of examples of when I bent time so to speak.
Like I was running late and I had to, had to, had to be at a place at a certain time. Magically all the lights were green, the traffic disappeared, a parking spot appears right in front of the building. Or mom is coming over in fifteen minutes and somehow I’ve managed to clean the house before she gets there, or the man of your dreams finally calls and you’re showered, shaved and wriggled into that sexy little black dress in ten minutes flat. The fireman that manages to get the baby out of a burning building despite the impossiblity of it? And a million other examples that I’m sure you could think of in your own life.
More and more I’ve started to think that time is the enemy but not in the classical sense - not that it is going to beat me but my belief in its importance is going to beat me or us. It’s more a matter of the thinking, that it’s too late for a goal to be realized, for love, for happiness, for change, for a clean start, for anything really. I don’t believe that anymore and I’m glad. I think that time is starting to become my pet instead of the other way around. I will treat it nicely if it behaves and if it doesn’t then no desert for it.
How about you?
Insomnia or I Wish to Hell I Could Sleep…
Posted on October 20, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, brain farts, crap!, i dunno
Yup, I’ve got it and I’ve had it most of my life. My mother said it was because I was born a night owl, whatever the hell that means - apparently it’s genetic or something. But unlike the fact of being ‘trained’ out of being left handed as child (lest I grow up to be a maniacal killer or something) there wasn’t any Dr. Spock on this.
When I was kid, I used to just daydream at night when I was supposed to be sleeping. I’d imagine myself in all kinds of mystical and magical places. From William Tell’s dinner table to the Taj Mahal. I led a rather exciting life in my imagination as you can probably guess. And just as I began to her the chirpy little birds begin to wake is when I would finally drop off. Only to be shocked awake by Ma yelling for us to wake up. Breakfast was waiting, school was waiting, life was waiting. Me, I was nodding.
I also used to try reading under the blanket with a flashlight. That didn’t work out too well because I could never really get the right angle on the flashlight and we had those weird blankets that had that kind of open weave so the light was just broadcasted in a kind of prism pattern on the wall and could easily be seen at the bottom of my door. Then Dad would be grumbling about how kids ought to be asleep. Other times I’d sit in my window and watch the moon, as though it would do something like a little Fred Astaire number or perhaps a song. Ever wake up with you face on a cold window sill on a winter morning? Nope, not a pretty sight.
As a last ditch effort I would sneak out to the livingroom with my lame blanket, jack up the thermometer and sleep on the floor next to the heater vent. Something about intense heat could always make me nod off. As a teen I slept my way all the way through American History and Civics - who knew I’d grow up to be a rabble rouser and a political junkie???
Over the years I’ve more or less come to grips with the fact that I just don’t sleep all that much or all that well. Which for a while worked. Still I could never give up the ghost of finding some solution to it. I started running in order to help my sleep dysfunction - it did help and was really great for my thunder thighs and big ass - but then a car accident messed that up. Don’t you love it when a driver on crack doesn’t see you and forces you and your old Buick through a red light? Mighty exciting. Well then, talk about not being able to sleep - yeah that took couple years to get back to sleep after that but I must say the xrays of my reverse vector neck were quite pretty.
Eventually I kind of found a system of getting some sleep. A certain combination of vitamins, cutting back on caffiene, drinking more water, exercise and watching really boring television seemed to work pretty well. Some nights I could manage to get as much as seven hours.
Then there were those good years when all of sudden I could actually sleep for no reason at all. Those were fine but when they started and when they ended I couldn’t tell you. This year hasn’t been good for sleep. Too much excitement. Too many changes and this and that. But especially these last few weeks. It’s a good excitement and I’m happy about it but is it right that happiness should keep you up nights? That just seems unfair if you ask me.
Anyway, feel free to leave any tips, tricks or remedies you may know of - I’m desperate, and will try just about anything. Meanwhile, I’ll try crawling back into bed and see if I can just pass out from exhaustion.
Sunday Haha’s
Posted on October 19, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun
New Stock Market Glossary:
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
Redneck Joke:
Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”
“Yes. What can I do for you?”
“I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.
He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood!
Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, twelve Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.
“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd….Did the Sheriff come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they split you r firewood?”
“Yep!”
“Happy Birthday, buddy!”
Pass the Jim Beam…
Posted on October 18, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, brain farts, funny pics
A very good argument to keep drinking, I’d say, wouldn’t you? H.T. to Ger for the image.
keep looking » 
