“The Nosmo King”
Posted on November 21, 2008 - Filed Under Guest Post, Just For Fun, adventure, little rants
I sell cigars and tobacco for a living.
It makes sense that when I leave at the end of the day that I smell not totally unlike your grandfather or uncle used to if he smoked a pipe or cigars.
While it’s not the finest smell in the world to many, I can think of several colognes/perfumes I dislike much more.
Actually, some reek to the high heavens.
Case in point: I got on the train a week ago and sat next to this princess.
She immediately turned to me and said, “Ugghh… do you smoke?”
I was taken by surprise but I looked at her and said, “Uhh . . . Yyyeah. . . ”
“Well,” she says, extremely irritated, “I’m pregnant!”
I really wanted to say, “Oh, I thought you were just really fat.”
But I bit my lip and in my stupefied state muttered, “Jesus Christ,” before I got up and moved to another seat.
What the hell does the fact that I smoke have to do with being somewhere in this woman’s proximity?
Would the aroma cause some strange birth anomaly?
I’m still shaking my head over this one and wondering if I’m the one in the wrong here.
And I’m still pissed that this chaste, self-righteous and corpulent A-hole basically wanted me to know I was an unacceptable seating partner simply because I smoke.
If I was smoking on the train, yes, I’m an inconsiderate idiot and should be thrown off while the train is moving.
I work in a cigar store where people smoke cigars all freakin’ day, so sue me.
Any thoughts?
Or is it just a total over-reaction from me?
I could use a good smartass Groucho Marx quote right about now . . .
I still can’t believe anyone in the world would ever screw this bitch.
Jesus Krispies.
Comments
15 Responses to ““The Nosmo King””
Leave a Reply
Hi Michael,
First, I have always loved the smell of cigars- my best friend’s (that I am still bff’s with to this day since kindergarten)dad use to smoke them occassionally and I just loved the lingering smell of a good cigar. Anywho…. I’m a mad reactor and probably would have said, “Yes, I smoke” and when she said, “Well, I’m pregnant!” I would have said, “Good for you!If you don’t like the way I smell, go sit somewhere else” …. I think you did a really nice thing by just getting up and moving. You were the bigger person (well, it sounds like she was technically the bigger person here) but you know what I mean. With all that being said, if I were on the train like that, sitting next to you and this ass face said that to you I would have pulled her hair for you (pregnant or not) cuz I become fierce when sticking up for a friend. It can get ugly… she would have gotten a smack down
what a douchebag.
Yeah if you sat next to her and lit up that would be one thing, but sheesh!
I’d have stayed put just to annoy her. lol
This was too, too funny.
I have been dissed in public (once by a woman who reached over my shoulder, grabbed some coins from the “coin return” box of the parking meter I was trying to set and put the coins in for me because she said I was taking too long), but this one really takes the cake!
@JQ
I love that you would have pulled this broad’s hair.
Her disdain for me was so incredibly evident it floored me. Talk about feeling like a leper.
Oh, well . . . can’t please all the people.
Thanks for the comment.
@MistressB
Douchebag? Nail, meet head.
I almost wanted to stay in the seat but this woman was insufferable.
Live and let live.
Thanks for stopping by.
@Marianne
I’ve had folks do this sort of thing as well when I’m parking at the train station.
It’s like, give me a freekin’ break here, okay?
Sounds like this woman need the coins shoved up her keester.
Thanks for the story. (and the comment!)
~m
Hmmmm … being a non-smoker and living in a virtually smoke free city, when I am standing next to someone who clearly smokes, the smell actually makes me gag. Being pregnant, she is even more sensitive. However, you were not actually smoking, so you were doing nothing wrong. Personally, if I couldn’t stand the smell, I would have simply got up and moved. So, yes, she was definitely being a princess.
I quit smoking a few years ago but I really don’t mind the smell of smoke especially pipe tobacco. Actually I would rather sit next to a smoker than a lady wearing too much perfume. To me that can take your breath away. And then again some people just plain stink because they don’t take enough showers. What’s next the “smell police”? Will we have to go through a smell detector before we go into public places. What if that pregnant lady had her baby and it had taken a sh**. I’ll bet she wouldn’t care if you had to sit near her smelly kid.
I think she should have moved if it bothered her so much. It certainly wasn’t up to you to move but I think you were the nice guy to do it though she didn’t deserve it.
The best retort to a smoke Nazi I ever heard was on an episode of Darhma and Greg where Andrew Dice Clay was a guest speaker at some snooty function. During the mixer, some rich woman came up to him and gave a little cough at his cigarette smoke, then said, “You do know that second hand smoke is more dangerous than actually smoking!” To which he blew smoke in her face and replied, “Then it looks like I made the right choice.”
Thanks for giving Annie a hand,
the Grit
I’m not a fan of such smells, but…
She was extremely rude.
You were overly polite.
I like Joan’s Smell Police.
“Hello, 911, we have a stinking on the loose!”
I think you should have gone with the:
“Oh, I thought you were just really fat.”
I WOULD have said I just thought you were fat!
Wouldn’t you love to be able to take these arsewipes and give them a reality check now and then?
Does it show I don’t suffer fools and holier than thou types in any way, shape or form?
Cretins! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t frigging kill ‘em!
Wow. I can understand the whole thing about her sense of smell being heightened when she is pregnant so it may have bothered her more than someone else. But she should have been the one to move then.
It’s not her business whether you smoke or not and it’s not like anyone gets up and gives ME a seat or special parking spot because I have cancer. I don’t understand why some people get perks because they decided to reproduce. It’s nice if people go out of their way for those who are pregnant but it is also nice for the princesses to live like the rest of us. Note: I don’t think all pregnant women act like princesses. But this one obviously did.
She most likely used a turkey baster.
Sorry, but Joan rocked the comment area and it was topped with a cherry by Evyl *still laughing*
I grew up on a tobacco farm, smoked seven years and stopped for my health. Didn’t say I didn’t enjoy it, though. I still enjoy the smell of a good cigar. This young lady is a bit of a bitch and you were way to kind. Blowing smoke in her face would be one thing, but just simply taking the smell of your work home is another. Just be glad you don’t work at a pulp paper mill. She would have been puking.
@Urban Panther
Oh, she was a princess alright.
The situation still had me scratching my head.
Thanks for coming by.
@JoanH
“Smell Police”?
God, they would be quite busy in Boston.
And I’m with you on the perfume thing.
Good God, some guys are more laden with the shit than women.
Thanks.
@the Grit
Oh, dear, the second hand smoking debate.
There’s a downloadable pdf on my blog by the musician Joe Jackson. If you ever have any questions regarding the issue’s non-validity, check it out. The Dice line is classic.
I wish I were that fast on the comeback.
Thanks for coming by.
@PParkour
Yeah, score one for Joan.
The ‘fat’ comment may still be used one of these days. However, you may read about me in the papers if I do.
Thanks, Peter
@Moe
I had a feeling you would feel this way.
I’m thinking Mark might have thrown the broad off the train (gently, mind you)
Thanks for the comment, M and helping our little traveler out.
@Teeni
I’ll be the first to off my seat to a pregnant woman simply because it’s the way I’m wired.
The way this thing went down was so fast that I never saw it coming.
Many folks have said I should have just stayed in the seat but it was the end of a long day and I was in no mood for confrontation.
You hit the nail on the head with the notion that in the end it was none of her damned business.
Thanks, kiddo.
@Evyl
I can think of at least a few places where I would have gladly shoved that turkey baster.
Thanks, bud
@JQ
Yeah, leave it up to Evyl for the *bling
@Jim
How I wish they had a bottle of cologne called, “Eau de Pulp Mill”. I would have doused myself silly with the stuff before sitting down.
Thanks for the visit, Jim
~m
I’d love to smell my Grandpa’s pipe smoke, knowing he was in the next room, just one more time.
Yeah, I know they’re not healthy. I quit smoking in college, and it’s the people I miss.
That woman was being a ditz. That’s my explanation.
I don’t really “like” smoke, but as long as it isn’t being blown in my face, I don’t care.