“The Nosmo King”
Posted on November 21, 2008 - Filed Under Guest Post, Just For Fun, adventure, little rants
I sell cigars and tobacco for a living.
It makes sense that when I leave at the end of the day that I smell not totally unlike your grandfather or uncle used to if he smoked a pipe or cigars.
While it’s not the finest smell in the world to many, I can think of several colognes/perfumes I dislike much more.
Actually, some reek to the high heavens.
Case in point: I got on the train a week ago and sat next to this princess.
She immediately turned to me and said, “Ugghh… do you smoke?”
I was taken by surprise but I looked at her and said, “Uhh . . . Yyyeah. . . ”
“Well,” she says, extremely irritated, “I’m pregnant!”
I really wanted to say, “Oh, I thought you were just really fat.”
But I bit my lip and in my stupefied state muttered, “Jesus Christ,” before I got up and moved to another seat.
What the hell does the fact that I smoke have to do with being somewhere in this woman’s proximity?
Would the aroma cause some strange birth anomaly?
I’m still shaking my head over this one and wondering if I’m the one in the wrong here.
And I’m still pissed that this chaste, self-righteous and corpulent A-hole basically wanted me to know I was an unacceptable seating partner simply because I smoke.
If I was smoking on the train, yes, I’m an inconsiderate idiot and should be thrown off while the train is moving.
I work in a cigar store where people smoke cigars all freakin’ day, so sue me.
Any thoughts?
Or is it just a total over-reaction from me?
I could use a good smartass Groucho Marx quote right about now . . .
I still can’t believe anyone in the world would ever screw this bitch.
Jesus Krispies.
Until We Meet Again
Posted on November 19, 2008 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., adventure, good wishes
Okay everybody, this will be my last post until I get to my new home. Wow. I can’t believe I’m doing this wild and crazy thing but I dont’ regret it for one second.
We’re just about ready and will be hitting the road soon, hopefully after we manage to get my few possessions into what I hope is my big trunk. I’ll try to take some pictures, if I see anything interesting from the car window and if I luck out and stumble upon an internet connection while we’re traveling I’ll check in to give you an update.
In my absence a few of my very good blogging buds have done some guest posts for me. Please drop by and make a comment or two. Thanks to Panther, Michael, Evyl, Teeni and Moe. You guys are the best and I really appreciate your help. And Moe will be keeping an eye on things in my absence, so no food fights or hogging the coffee. Okay?
I love you guys - and I’ll see you soon. Big hugs.
The Zen of Moving
Posted on November 17, 2008 - Filed Under adventure, brain farts, breathe
I know that most people hate to move, and I am certainly among them. You get used to being in a certain space and surrounded by certain familiar objects and material possessions. Even if you aren’t particularly happy in that space or with those possessions, there is a security in the constancy of it.
When you decide to move you introduce change into the scene and even though it will be better for you in the long run, the short term does get to you. There is all the initial having to move things around, boxes, trucks, yard sales, all the not so fun stuff. Your once peaceful space becomes chaos and it’s easy to feel like your life is chaos too, even though it really isn’t. It’s simply changing.
No matter what people say or think they think, the truth is, we don’t like to change, not if there is any effort involved. We like things to stay the same, stay predictable. I know in my case that is true - at least in my living arrangements. I like that sameness and not having to think about it much. It enables me to go and do other things, things I deem more important and interesting. Know what I mean?
However, there is another aspect to all this change and moving that is interesting to me. I find that once I get through all the effort of getting my butt into gear, get into action about things, that a kind of nice change comes over me. A sort of zen experience if you will. There is something good for the soul, I think, to every now and then get rid of everything that isn’t absolutely essential in your life. It’s very freeing and you can even feel physically lighter. As though you have much more mobility and aren’t tethered or harnassed. And I have to say that’s a pretty cool thing.
And as I now am rapidly approaching the actual move date and I’ve condensed my belongings down to one pretty small pile, I feel myself lightening up. Feeling a bit freer and more open to change and new adventures. In this case, for me, that certainly will be the outcome.
Sure there will be more effort - the drive, moving all our stuff into the new place, finding stuff that we need, arranging and rearranging and then the settling into the safe predictable space once again. But for now, I’m grooving on the zen and it ain’t bad. Ain’t bad at all.
Please Buy My Crap
Posted on November 16, 2008 - Filed Under Just For Fun, adventure, brain farts
So, yesterday was the big garage sale. The fact that it was the the hottest, windiest day of the year and a forest fire was blazing just five miles away didn’t stop me. Nope, I was up at 5 am and dragging crap around in front of the house.
Now there is a special way to lay out a garage sale when you’re in 25mile per hour winds. Have to be extra careful of glass items and God forbid you don’t anchor the clothes to the trees, just right. You know? So much for a nice display. I was just trying to keep everything from flying over the hill onto the freeway, lest I be the inadvertant cause of a 20 car pile up.
I was encouraged when I got some early birders who bought stuff right off. But there were long lulls of dry winds and nobody coming by. I listed the sale on Craigslist (everybody knows craigslist, right?) but I doubt any of the people who came by had anything to do with that since you end up so far down the list so fast that it ain’t funny. Luckily Roomie was in a good mood and made signs and kept going out to scout new places to hang them. I’m sure that’s the only reason anyone came off the beaten path to check out my wares. And he kept me company too (for part of the day anyway) which helped.
What was really strange is what sold. I expected things like furniture to go quickly but it didnt. In fact, most of my weirder stuff sold. Like the little elf suit I bought my dog last year so I could take pictures of her in it for xmas. A cheap clip on lamp - my old boom box, purses, costume jewelry, vhs tapes and cassettes.
To my utter shock and dismay nobody bit on the furniture - nobody needed a desk or a hutch or bookshelves, apparently. I guess if it wasn’t weird they didn’t want it. Go figure. God Bless Roomie for loading all that crap up in his truck and dragging it down to the thrift store for me. I have a trunkful of odds and ends to drop myself but there you have it.
Considering few of the ‘big ticket items’ (if one can say such a thing of a garage sale) sold, I did okay. I mean, what can you expect? You are essentially asking people to buy your crap and well if the weather isn’t nice and you’re not on a freeway off ramp, it is rather inconvenient for them to come by and pick through your possessions like black crows on a roadkill, you know? So, I got some pocket money and some gas money and I guess that is something to be grateful for.
The funny thing is that even though it feels a little weird to sell your stuff and sit on the floor in a nearly empty room, writing a post with the keyboard in your lap, it is kind of freeing to let go of all of it. Something about being down to few material goods does something for me every now and then. And really how hard is it to replace things that have no true sentimental value to you?
Though by the time 1 o’clock rolled around I was exhausted and every muscle in my body ached. I slept nine hours last night, which was good since I really needed it. I still feel a little creaky and that I’m too old for the crap but I’ll get over it.
Today, I clean and clean and then clean some more. Yay, one of my favorite activities. At least I’ll have breffy with Zelda first and a quick trip to Target for moving supplies. I love field trips, don’t you?
Anyway friends, I’m that much closer to kissing L.A. goodbye and moving onto my new life. And that’s a good thing.
Road Trip Part Deux
Posted on November 13, 2008 - Filed Under Random Thoughts, Road Trip, adventure, brain farts
The last time I took a road trip was when I had a huge mental lapse and decided to move to Florida. I did write a post about it but I think I was still suffering post traumatic traveling syndrome when I did. Let me give you the Reader’s Digest version. Bad break up, needed a ‘change’, hey, Florida sounds good. Sold everything I owned, including two antique cherry dressers that I refinished myself, my favorite impressionist print of all time, a great chair and blah blah blah.
I cried when I got to Florida and pretty much cried every day until I left. To say I hated it was putting it mildly. My conclusion about Florida was that it was simply a swamp that the critters were trying to reclaim and as far as I was concerned they were doing a damn good job of it. Did you know that mold grows on everthing there? Seriously. My butter even grew mold on it. That’s just scary.
Anyway, so I quickly put everything in reverse and went running back to California and practically kissed the ground when I crossed the border. I decided at that point that the next time I left California (as I knew I would) that it was going to be for a much better reason - and so there is.
Although there are some similarities, such as I’m selling most of my stuff - hey if you ‘re in the neighborhood, drop by the garage sale - although nothing treasured, strictly utilitarian stuff. I am driving but in a much better, more comfortable car and have a driving partner. There are are a lot of ‘unknowns’ about where I’m going. Never been there - don’t know a thing about it, not really. Of course my trusty pets Maggie and Boodie will be coming along, so I’ll have at least two other friends.
The differences of course, are many. For one thing I’m not running away from anything (except maybe smog and bad drivers). It’s not about becoming invisible, it’s about enriching my life, making my life bigger, better. I’m not surrendering, I’m celebrating.
I have a feeling this will be no repeat of Florida actually it’s more than a feeling - I know it won’t be.
It will be a road trip to remember, punctuated with funny stories, new sights, snap shots, and joy. I can’t wait.
Cha-Cha-Changes…
Posted on November 11, 2008 - Filed Under adventure, brain farts, changing seasons
I don’t know about you but I hate change and yet I love it. I love the newness and the excitement and honestly the whole mystery of it. What will it be like, where will I go, who will I meet, what will I see? On the other hand, being the lazy slug that I am, I hate changing anything - sometimes I don’t even change out of my pajamas, especially if it’s cold and the coffee is good and I get involved in something…I can go days just sitting in front of my computer. It’s pathetic really, I didn’t even know who’d been elected until Roomie came home and blurted it out before I could stop him. So see we have your classic love/hate relationship going on with change here.
So what is that all about? Is it simply comfort? We get comfortable with where/how things are and are loathe to alter things because we might have to actually put on our shoes or brush our teeth? Talk to another human being? Have I (we) become incurable couch potatoes? In my case, I suppose the answer would be yes, typically.
However, if I really think about it, this entire year has been all about change for me. Which could account for all my whining and sissy-assed behavior. Things that I always thought would be the same, weren’t. The unthinkable happened to someone I dearly love. Wonderful, surprising things happened that I never could have guessed in a thousand years or believed had someone told me it was going to happen. But more than anything my outlook has changed, it’s definitely more positive and filled with much hope and joy for the future. There is a whole lot more activity going on in the old gray matter - which has sort of had the affect of making me seem like Rain Man’s older sister or something. I laugh a lot more and smile a lot more. Which is really pretty amazing when I consider that a few months ago things seemed awfully glum, terribly sad and even hopeless.
So perhaps I have become an advocate for change. Not just for the sake of the change, I mean I could rearrange the furniture for that - but for new things, good things.
I know most of you are probably scratching your heads and thinking, ‘wtf is she talking about?’ that’s okay too. Maybe I’m just thinking out loud. Bottom line is that one thing, one incident can change everything and maybe that’s the way it’s meant to be. If you ask, it is.
How about you, any good changes happening for you?
Does Time Matter?
Posted on October 22, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, adventure, life metaphor, possibilities
Through the ages mankind has always had an issue with time. I know I have and I’m part of mankind so there is at least some truth in the above statement. Much of our lives are built around time too, time clocks, alarms clocks, pocket watches, Times Square, lunch time, break time, quitting time. Aarrrgggh time, time, time controls us and we don’t ever have enough of it for the things we want.
It pervades our language - the clock is ticking, time waits for no man, the time has come, all in due time,
in the nick of time, marking time, time is running out, just in time and many more examples exist. Face it kids, we’re stuck in time - oops there’s another one.
It makes me wonder if this universe is rigged with this time thing, you know? I mean maybe the great god of creation or whatever Supreme Being you happen to believe in set it up so we could just get things done. An arbitrary measure or adversary against which we could race, bet, think, do? It’s possible. Because really what is the point of time? What does it really mean in the longrun? That you can only have so many days to do something, to get something to create something. That once that arbitrary measure runs out so does your opportunities? It’s true that bodies age and with that so does our sense of time, possibly our inspiration to do things, achieve things or maybe we just get tired? On the other hand there are those out there who seem to defy time, look and act years younger than they are.
So maybe time has some aspect of agreement involved in it? You know like, you agree that time passes and things age as time passes and things change as time passes and stuff like that. But do they really? Is that really true or just a little game we’ve made up as part of the bigger game of life? I can think of dozens of examples of when I bent time so to speak.
Like I was running late and I had to, had to, had to be at a place at a certain time. Magically all the lights were green, the traffic disappeared, a parking spot appears right in front of the building. Or mom is coming over in fifteen minutes and somehow I’ve managed to clean the house before she gets there, or the man of your dreams finally calls and you’re showered, shaved and wriggled into that sexy little black dress in ten minutes flat. The fireman that manages to get the baby out of a burning building despite the impossiblity of it? And a million other examples that I’m sure you could think of in your own life.
More and more I’ve started to think that time is the enemy but not in the classical sense - not that it is going to beat me but my belief in its importance is going to beat me or us. It’s more a matter of the thinking, that it’s too late for a goal to be realized, for love, for happiness, for change, for a clean start, for anything really. I don’t believe that anymore and I’m glad. I think that time is starting to become my pet instead of the other way around. I will treat it nicely if it behaves and if it doesn’t then no desert for it.
How about you?
Are You Lucky?
Posted on October 7, 2008 - Filed Under adventure, amazing, breathe, joy, my opinions
Is it possible that one thing can change everything? One moment, one realization, one person, one event? I’m beginning to think that maybe it can. While I consider myself a realist I am also a closet optimist. I like to be real and honest but I also think life is nothing without hope and the faith that there is at least the promise that something wonderful is always possible.
We spend our day to day lives fighting traffic, arguing politics, bemoaning our bills and missed opportunities and it’s hard, folks, to step back from that and unentangle yourself from the mess. But every now and then something wonderful does happen, unexpected, smack-you-upside-the-head, never-saw-that-coming wonderful - and if we still have a brain left in our heads we grab it. And we’d better, because it doesn’t happen everyday - sometimes it doesn’t even happen every year.
For all the ‘bad luck’ that I have unearthed this year in particular - the worry, grief, frustration that has seemed to be the constant landscape of my life - some little kernel of light stayed alive in the back of my mind because I have been lucky most of my life. In big ways and small ways, unexpected ways, delightful ways, suprising ways. So I knew my luck would return to me. And it has.
But I think too that luck has a lot more to do with us, ourselves and how we think and what we think. If we walk around believing that our luck is gone, good things don’t happen, we don’t deserve it, etc., etc. then I think that’s what we get. Conversely if we walk around believing that it’s there, that it belongs to us, that we deserve it then anything is possible, the most amazing things are possible, often times things that are beyond what we dare to wish for.
And so my friends a little word of advice, never doubt your luck and never believe it has left you - because it’s always there, waiting to deliver. I promise.
A “Bail-Out” Plan I Could Get Behind
Posted on October 4, 2008 - Filed Under adventure, assclowns, bail out, brain farts, creative financing, my opinions
(My friend Jenny sent this in an email - it’s a thought????)
The Federal Reserve is a private company as are those receiving the proposed stolen money on Wall Street. They do not work for us. The Treasury Secretary is from Goldman Sachs. Per USA today, Chris Dodd, Chair of the Senate Banking Committee, has received over $13 million from financial services lobbyists, and a total of over $43 million from all lobbyists. You think he can make a unprejudiced decision?
We all must act now to stop the greatest heist in history!
OKAY YOU ECONOMISTS, AND SMART NUMBER CRUNCHERS WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS PROPOSAL!!!
Are you against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG? Me too!
Instead, give $85,000,000,000 to Americans in a We Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 Bona fide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up…
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.
The plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college – it’ll be there
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – creates jobs!!
Invest in the market – capital drives growth
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves
Enables Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG – liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here’s the rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t. Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.” But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion -We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC. And remember, This plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
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And just in case, that doesn’t ring your chimes, go here to watch a ridiculous video created by a friend of mine who has way too much time on his hand. 
Freddie’s Back in Town
Posted on October 2, 2008 - Filed Under I'm in awe, Just For Fun, adventure, frogs, gardening, really cool shit
Update: Last spring I had a problem with some ever so noisy and annoying crickets screeching outside my bedroom window. So I went in search of a solution. I learned that frogs ate crickets and so began my quest to populate my garden with cricket eating frogs. Not quite as easy as I imagined, pet stores don’t seem to want to sell them and they are mighty expensive too.
So, I opted to created a frog pond and spa in hopes of enticing some frogs to move into the neighborhood. Well, to my delight and surprise about a week after the launch of the spa, I did in fact have three froggies move into the garden. Yay, I was going to be cricket free soon. Well not so much, these were some mighty tiny little frogs and they laid some mighty tiny little eggs in the pond and I had visions of little gremlin froggies everywhere.
The taddies are still there and don’t seem to be becoming frogs, though I’m not sure why maybe they like being the peter pan of tadpoles. Anyway….Freddie my first and main frogasaurus hung out quite a bit and I often saw him around sunset cooling himself in the pool or hanging in the bamboo plant - then one day. Nothing. Gone. Didn’t see him anymore.
It was a little sad because I thought he had moved onto bigger and better ponds. Though I did hear some froggy serenades at night, so I suspected he still came by to hang out. But, the other day, I finally dragged myself out to the garden to confront the jungle it had become. It was not a pretty sight folks, what a mess. Lots of hacking and pulling and weeding and pruning going on. When I finally worked my way to the end of the garden I picked up a trampled eggplant plant and guess who was there? Yep, Freddie! But my oh my how he has grown! He’s an absolute monster now, bigger than a pack of cigarettes and beefy too.
I was so happy when I saw him I oo’d and ahh’d and told him how proud of him I was for having grown so big and beastly and then I put him in the pool for a swim while I finished the garden. He even let me pick him up and pose him for some pictures.
Isn’t he gorgeous? Makes me a little teary eyed too because my little frog has grown up. I suspect he’ll find a wife and move to the Wash where the big pond is - though he is a tree frog and we have lots of trees so maybe he’ll stick around.
So, I guess the moral of the story is, that if you want a frog bad enough, you can grow one, eh?
