The Zen of Moving
Posted on November 17, 2008 - Filed Under adventure, brain farts, breathe
I know that most people hate to move, and I am certainly among them. You get used to being in a certain space and surrounded by certain familiar objects and material possessions. Even if you aren’t particularly happy in that space or with those possessions, there is a security in the constancy of it.
When you decide to move you introduce change into the scene and even though it will be better for you in the long run, the short term does get to you. There is all the initial having to move things around, boxes, trucks, yard sales, all the not so fun stuff. Your once peaceful space becomes chaos and it’s easy to feel like your life is chaos too, even though it really isn’t. It’s simply changing.
No matter what people say or think they think, the truth is, we don’t like to change, not if there is any effort involved. We like things to stay the same, stay predictable. I know in my case that is true - at least in my living arrangements. I like that sameness and not having to think about it much. It enables me to go and do other things, things I deem more important and interesting. Know what I mean?
However, there is another aspect to all this change and moving that is interesting to me. I find that once I get through all the effort of getting my butt into gear, get into action about things, that a kind of nice change comes over me. A sort of zen experience if you will. There is something good for the soul, I think, to every now and then get rid of everything that isn’t absolutely essential in your life. It’s very freeing and you can even feel physically lighter. As though you have much more mobility and aren’t tethered or harnassed. And I have to say that’s a pretty cool thing.
And as I now am rapidly approaching the actual move date and I’ve condensed my belongings down to one pretty small pile, I feel myself lightening up. Feeling a bit freer and more open to change and new adventures. In this case, for me, that certainly will be the outcome.
Sure there will be more effort - the drive, moving all our stuff into the new place, finding stuff that we need, arranging and rearranging and then the settling into the safe predictable space once again. But for now, I’m grooving on the zen and it ain’t bad. Ain’t bad at all.
Are You Lucky?
Posted on October 7, 2008 - Filed Under adventure, amazing, breathe, joy, my opinions
Is it possible that one thing can change everything? One moment, one realization, one person, one event? I’m beginning to think that maybe it can. While I consider myself a realist I am also a closet optimist. I like to be real and honest but I also think life is nothing without hope and the faith that there is at least the promise that something wonderful is always possible.
We spend our day to day lives fighting traffic, arguing politics, bemoaning our bills and missed opportunities and it’s hard, folks, to step back from that and unentangle yourself from the mess. But every now and then something wonderful does happen, unexpected, smack-you-upside-the-head, never-saw-that-coming wonderful - and if we still have a brain left in our heads we grab it. And we’d better, because it doesn’t happen everyday - sometimes it doesn’t even happen every year.
For all the ‘bad luck’ that I have unearthed this year in particular - the worry, grief, frustration that has seemed to be the constant landscape of my life - some little kernel of light stayed alive in the back of my mind because I have been lucky most of my life. In big ways and small ways, unexpected ways, delightful ways, suprising ways. So I knew my luck would return to me. And it has.
But I think too that luck has a lot more to do with us, ourselves and how we think and what we think. If we walk around believing that our luck is gone, good things don’t happen, we don’t deserve it, etc., etc. then I think that’s what we get. Conversely if we walk around believing that it’s there, that it belongs to us, that we deserve it then anything is possible, the most amazing things are possible, often times things that are beyond what we dare to wish for.
And so my friends a little word of advice, never doubt your luck and never believe it has left you - because it’s always there, waiting to deliver. I promise.
Reconciliation
Posted on August 4, 2008 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, breathe, in my head, only dancing
An interesting word. One with many nuances and layers but in the end is about coming to terms and restoring that which was. I have had a lot of time to consider this word and the action of same. And to see how very difficult it can be and all of the reasons why it is so difficult and yet so easy to do, to offer, to want.
Mistakes are made, words are uttered and regretted, or worse, unspoken and left to the imagination to grow into disportionate size and significance - and that which was so simple five minutes ago is suddenly a raging beast with its sites set on you, while you were only just going along minding your own business. It can be a shock to the system and the source of much confusion and distress.
Ah, I wax philosophic and speak in circles, yes, I admit it because I’m looking for the truth of it and quite honestly have not found it. And I want to. It is important to me to understand what is true in my own and in the lives of others I care about. But maybe too important to me about others because I have a tendency to worry less about myself and more about others and go so far over the limit to help, to comfort and console that I forget that I need these things too. And in the forgetting stumble upon land mines that I had no idea were there.
It would be so easy to just shrug it off, forget it, move on. I like going for the easy route because it is more comfortable and makes for a smoother ride and then you aren’t really required to look at the dynamics at play and how you had a part in them. In the end though, you always do have to examine those and come to grips and do what you can to learn from them and move on. So, I am trying to do that in my own haphazard way while always keeping my eye on the very beautiful things in my life - the large and the small things, not let any of it miss my notice and acknowlegement. And though I don’t think things will ever be as they were - I do hope that perhaps in a way they will be better with a deeper understanding and a stronger ability to forgive and forget.
Thanks for indulging in my talking out loud piece. I do apologize if it makes no sense to anyone but me.
Calgon…Take Me Away….
Posted on July 27, 2008 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., Holiday, breathe, empty head, my opinions
Hey everybody, you may have noticed I’ve been a bit scarce the last few days. Frankly, I’m exhausted. This past week has been very intense and there has just been a lot going on. In a phrase, I’ve blogged myself into a frenzy. So, I’ve decided to take a few days off. Feel the sunshine, walk my dog, smell the roses, sleep in, eat some good food and just generally recharge.
A lovely bevy of bloggers has agreed to do a few guest posts and of course I will have a post for Theme Friday - so please treat them kindly and come and read them, they are all great and fun and I’m sure you know all of them. They are doing me a great favor, the favor of time and I really appreciate it.
Have fun, have a good week and I’ll see you all next week - hopefully recharged, rested and relaxed and maybe even with some decent posts.
Hugs.
Small it Down
Posted on June 18, 2008 - Filed Under breathe, my heart
Small it down. Don’t take it all in. Shut out the things that scream and flap, they aren’t yours. You don’t have to have it all just because you feel it all. It ain’t all yours, no matter what you think. Most of it isn’t, actually. Most of it is just what is. What you can do nothing about. What climbs into your dreams because you leave the windows open and a never ending supply of catfood on the back porch.
Larger than life is good, but you can choke on it. Better to take the small bites and digest slowly, see if it agrees with you. Other people’s plates always look better, smell better, seem fuller and more appetising. But it’s not yours and you have to give it back sooner than later, so why poise your fork in the first place?
Small it down, thin the herd, find the tags addressed to you. Those are the things that belong in your mailbox, the correspondence you need to answer. Learn to listen better, not bigger. Think quieter, not louder. Speak thougthfully, not endlessly.
Prospect the mine on your own property, find the gold that pulses in those veins - they open for you freely and without much cost. Sell the goods from the stores of your imagination and put the faery wings on the clearance table. Inventory is only good if it’s good, not ample.
Small it down. Make it whisper, so it speaks only to you. Make it flutter slowly and catch every frame. Know it as it knows you. Is you. Small it down.
Purple Socks
Posted on May 27, 2008 - Filed Under Uncategorized, brave women, breathe, friends
I put on purple socks today
which made me think of you
I walked them out into the day
and wished the sky to blue
I bought a box of chocolates
and ate them in your stead
I called up God and placed my bets
then uttered prayers in bed
I forced myself to belly laugh
and make it very loud
and gathered lillies along the path
to chase away your clouds
I tried to do the many things
that inform the world of you
in deepest hope that angel’s wings
will fly us back to true
copyright 2008
Now What?
Posted on February 7, 2008 - Filed Under WTF?, back to work, brain farts, breathe
Okay, so lately my adventures have been weird to say the least. I started off on my job hunt and lo and behold my old bosses asked me back. I thought it was the answer to my prayers. I had always really enjoyed working with them and I was ready to come back.
Ooops, I sighed a sigh of relief too soon. Because their business is cyclic and connected to show business (can you say writer’s strike?) things were slow that first week. It made me worry and I resolved to ask them what was up on Monday.
Well, it wasn’t good news - not at all. So, once again I find myself on the job market. Which really makes me feel like a week old steak on sale in the clearance meat section.
I don’t know what it is about looking for a job that is so depressing and demoralizing but man does it get me down. I have to promote myself to strangers and try to convince them that they would be a fool not to hire me, when in fact, I often wonder if I really even want to work at their establishment. It’s a quandry - one must work in order to survive in the basic sense and yet working for others is about the last thing in the world I want to do. Am I lazy? Maybe. I’ve been reflecting on that a lot lately. But I’m thinking that isn’t really it. I think the real problem for me is that I’m just sick of office politics and being at the mercy of another person for my survival.
I have often considered starting my own business but can’t really come up with anything that seems feasible enough to generate enough income and frankly it’s confusing and overwhelming. I am in awe of those who do manage it though. I mean, how do they come up with this stuff? It makes me feel as though I am missing some vital brain cell or initiative gene because I can’t seem to do it.
The multi-level marketing thing is a no-go - aside from it smacking of being a scam, I just can’t see myself doing it and feeling right about it. The scams are everywhere and one starts to feel wary of most of it. Still, I do have a set of skills that should be marketable and should be able to be parlayed into some sort of going concern.
So, I ask you, dear readers - any ideas? Any tips or tricks you care to share with me?
A befuddled and confused WC.
Lessons Learned
Posted on December 27, 2007 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., breathe, joy
During these last few weeks, my mind has decluttered, my jaw has unclenched and I’ve been able to see a few things - or maybe realize a few things. And possibly understand what people mean when they talk about lessons that life presents for one to learn. It’s been nice to get to know myself again and this few weeks has been more than getting some much needed rest.
I’ve learned that
- I’m not a morning person. Even though I tend to wake up early, I’m only good for coffee and reading until about ten o’clock. No wonder I always groaned when the alarm went off.
- I don’t like being the boss, which is not to say I don’t like being in charge. But being the boss is that horrible crappy job of being between the workers and the owners and it’s terrible. No one likes you, everyone protests what you want them to do and in the end you can’t save people from themselves, despite the fact that that is what you were hired to do.
- I don’t like stress. While this seems obvious, no likes stress, right? Well, I used to think that I did. In fact, I believed that I thrived on it - controversy, being on the edge, pushing the envelope, all that exciting stuff really got my blood and adrenaline pumping. What I didn’t realize is that it was eating me up too. It isn’t actually exciting to live a life filled with conflict and opposition, it’s debilitating.
- A long walk cures just about anything. Put a pair of sneakers on my feet and leash up the doggie and we’re ready. I’ve been forcing myself to walk everyday since I started my ‘vacation’. And despite my grumpy voice protesting its head off and trying to keep me sitting on my fat arse, I somehow manage to get out there each morning. After about 10 minutes, my muscles stop protesting, my breathing regulates and my mind declutters. I start to see what’s all around me, feel the fresh air on my face, in my lungs and the sunshine dancing along my shoulders and it feels good to be alive. Just to be alive.
- Life is too short to be unhappy. Period. It’s a waste of time and energy to live an unhappy life and there is no good reason to do it. Not for friends, family or anyone. No one is served by being a martyr. If you’re in a bad situation, get out of it - it won’t get any better and no one will appreciate your sticking it out and suffering in their behalf.
- Money doesn’t matter all that much to me. I only need it for the things that I need, which isn’t much. It’s better to make less money and be happy in your work, with a heart and mind at peace than it is to have to practically kill yourself to have lots of money so you can have lots of things. Who needs things?
- I have my own pace and rhthym. I don’t like to hurry or to hit the ground running. I like to wake up the way a flower opens to the sun, slowly and deliberately. I want to see the day that is unfolding in front of me, not rush past it in my race to get to somewhere that I can see nothing but the next task to be done.
- I like myself. I really didn’t know that and maybe I didn’t believe that. But I know it now.
- I am truly loved. Again something I didn’t know or believe- but now I do
I suppose I could go on and on, as things like this tend to do so but I’ll leave it here. How about you, what have you learned lately?
Annie
How Hot Is It?
Posted on August 22, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, breathe, california
Words drip, sweat and
mix metaphor with similie
syntax liquid in its oozing
ekes with panted breath
fire combusting from
sun parched ideas
into molten lines
of nonsensical sentences
shrieking for waves
of cool, clear thoughts
floating on frozen
dacquiries and donning
umbrellas to shield
the mind from mean
summer smog-choked
concepts and dream of
winter’s words and
woolen coats whose pockets
are filled to the brim
with stories that
warm the heart.
Copyright 2007
Silence
Posted on June 7, 2007 - Filed Under breathe, imagination, in my head, joy of creating, motivation, my opinions, possibilities
I was thinking about silence last night. It’s an odd thing to think about because on the face of it, it seems like nothing. But it really isn’t. It’s a big something. It’s like a promise of what could be. As a writer, I have always enjoyed being alone. I like to think, thinking, pondering, considering, imaginging. All of these things are solidary actions.
Though, I’ve been able to do them in crowded rooms, noisy bars, on busses, at work, wherever - because somewhere along the line I’ve learned to create a bubble of silence in my own head, my own space. It produces an interesting sensation, almost like floating and looking out at what is or isn’t happening around you. All of that is distant and the silence settles in.
I know that some people don’t like silence. They hurry to fill it up with words, sounds, music, televisions, aimless action, in order to avoid it or hide from it. I think that’s a shame. I think that they are missing out on something. The opportunity to hear who they are. To see what they think. To know what they feel.
Someone much smarter than I said, “A person is only as valuable as they can serve others.” I agree. But I also think that one can’t serve others, bring joy, happiness, help or peace to others if they cannot bring it to themselves. And that to do that for yourself, you need that silence. That time with just you. Not to become self-absorbed or create a nifty little altar to the greatness of you - but know yourself, your beliefs, what’s important. It’s very revitalizing to take the time. Even (or maybe especially) if you don’t have it to take.
That television will be re-run again, that ballgame will be written about in the sports page tomorrow, that cheeseburger will have another one just like it the next time you go through the drive-thru.
So next time you find yourself getting nervous by the silence around you, whether you are in a room alone or standing on an overcrowded train platform - reach out and grab it for yourself. Hang onto it. Let it take over for a minute. You may learn something you never knew about you before. And it might make all the difference.
That’s what my silence is like, what’s yours like?
WC
PS: There is an excellent post on this topic here. I highly recommend it.
