Mortality
Posted on October 23, 2007 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., Deep thoughts, Life, california, hope
In the last two and a half days I’ve had a chance to really examine my own mortality. It’s a strange sensation really - to think about the world without you in it. To think about your friends, family, pets, possessions, home no longer being there when they were just there a moment ago.
This morning when I awoke, there was a thick grey cloud of smoke just over the hill. I knew it came from the three fires blazing and threatening to merge, just a 20 minute drive from me. There are quite a few miles between me and ‘it’ but with gale force winds, an ember can fly a pretty long way. Our house is butted up against the “Wash” which is a dry riverbed that comes off the Angeles Crest National Forest. Lots of dry brush more than happy to make itself fuel for any fires that might want to visit. Indeed, I have seen fires just up the side of the mountain which is at the end of my block. I’ve heard the helicopters and seen the planes that drop the water many, many times. Believe me, folks, it’s unnerving.
Though wherever you live you come to accept whatever the natural disaster of that region is and tend to live your life - go about your business. I’ve lived here a long time and seen a lot of fires, a lot of mud slides and quite a few earthquakes. But, I’ve never seen 12-15 fires raging at once, never seen our spectacular firefighters stretched so thin and so far. So maybe that is why I decided to stay home from work today. My gut told me to stay. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would feel if I came home to burned down home or dead pets, from smoke inhalation. Melted and fused possessions (precious few, I admit, but still mine).
My boss was none too happy that I decided to stay home. She essentially told me I was nuts to worry about it. She kept saying it wasn’t going to come and nothing was going to burn down. But I wouldn’t relent and I’m glad I didn’t. The winds have died down, which is good news. And it sounds as though a few of the fires have gotten a bit under control. Even the big cloud of smoke has dissipated. They say that the on shore winds should start tomorrow, which will throw moisture into the air and somehow help the firefighters fight the monstrous flames.
And I’m safe in my home with my pets and my things. Unlike 500,000 of my fellow Californians, many of whom who have lost everything except whatever they were able to take with them.
In view of all of this, the job doesn’t matter a damn. Nor does what my boss wants or whether or not she thinks I’m nuts to think or feel what I think and feel. Jobs can be replaced, so can bosses for that matter. In fact, I wouldn’t trade my job or job security for even one of my pets or my computer for that matter.
It’s times like these that you have to just stop and figure out what matters to you and then do your best to protect it. And so I am.
Thanks for all the well wishes. I am fine. I’m worried and frankly a bit scared, but okay, nonetheless. Keep praying for everyone else out there. There are millions of us and many of them need your prayers.
WC
Anyone interested in helping here are a few links:
http://www.directrelief.org/SupportUs/WaysToGive/WaysToGive.aspx
http://wcbstv.com/topstories/california.wildfire.donations.2.411576.html
http://networkforgood.blogspot.com/2007/10/southern-california-fires.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21444274/
How Hot Is It?
Posted on August 22, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Just For Fun, breathe, california
Words drip, sweat and
mix metaphor with similie
syntax liquid in its oozing
ekes with panted breath
fire combusting from
sun parched ideas
into molten lines
of nonsensical sentences
shrieking for waves
of cool, clear thoughts
floating on frozen
dacquiries and donning
umbrellas to shield
the mind from mean
summer smog-choked
concepts and dream of
winter’s words and
woolen coats whose pockets
are filled to the brim
with stories that
warm the heart.
Copyright 2007
Really Stupid Shit Part Deux
Posted on March 26, 2007 - Filed Under AIDS, Current Events, Deep thoughts, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Politics, Random Thoughts, WTF?, acts of idiocy, adventure, american idol, brain farts, california, classics, clueless, crap!, dasterdly deeds, double yoiks, favorites, funny bone, head exploding, i dunno, in my head, laughs, little dictators, little rants, my opinions, philosophy & politics, possibilities, rat bastards, really cool shit, really stupid shit, sarcasm, satire, voices in my head, yoiks
I know you’ve all been out there waiting with baited breath for a sequel to this really popular post because when you get right down to it, you just can’t get enough stupid shit. But I like to change things up lest I end up in a rut, so rather than favorite stupid shit - I think we’ll go with annoying stupid shit this time out.
Ready? Good. Here we go
Stupidest remaining Idol Contestant: Tie. Sanjaya the bad singer with the good hair and blindingly white smile - who couldn’t sing if his life truly depended on it. He is only still on the show because weeping pre-teens can’t tell the difference between love and their impending hormones. It’s sweet in a real icky kind of way. But I hate to break it to you folks, he is one of the Top Ten. Any arguments that maybe they should have stopped at season 5?
The other ‘idol’ vying for the title is Chris Sligh (Sly? Are you kidding?) who is the self-appointed “Taylor” contestant for this year. He acts like a dark horse (he thinks), sings the same songs/material as Taylor (tries to Christ-i-cize it?) and just goes off key and nasal, does the fro thang, strolls through the crowd but looks like he wants to slap them out of his way rather than interact. Oh and his fans are calling themselves the Fro-Patrol. Excuse me while I puke. This kid is about as sincere as Paris Hilton while she is hanging out with her girlfriends’ boyfriends unchaperoned. He is the biggest phoniest jackass of a contestant I’ve seen on the show. I’ll bet the voice isn’t really his - he probably pipes it in through his ass from some high tech Ipod mike accessory. Pass the barfbag.
Stupidest Title for a movie - Mimzy or some shit. I don’t CARE if it is good. You just don’t call a movie Mimzy if you expect anyone over the age of three to go see it. Hey Joe, see any good movies lately? Oh yah Marge and I saw Mimsy - it was really fabulous. Jeez - come on!
Stupidest Talk Show Host: Rosie O’Donnell. What her producers seem to be missing is that talk show hosts are supposed to encourage the guests to talk. Not to slap them, gag them and force feed them their personal, commie, leftie, eco-whacko, insane-o views. Or am I missing something?
Stupidest TV Show: Oh there are soooooooo many but let me pick one from the new batch of shows. Now, mind you I am not going after any reality shows since in my mind they really aren’t tv shows but more like amatuer contests that are televised. No, I’m going after real, shows that are supposed to be real. Okay - Studio Sixty. I mean, hello? What the frick are they thinking here? First of all is Amanda Peet really going to go for Bradley Whitford? The guy has a huge head, it’s even a little scary. Imagine that coming at you ladies for a little good night smooch. Oh yeah. And then Matthew Perry is so schizoid he needs at least 10 offices for all his personalities and the girl he is supposed to be in love with is just too normal to ever really be attracted to a malignant narccissist like him and all his self-righteous spewing crapola. And remember folks, this is supposed to be a comedy, which means funny, right? While really all they are doing is tripping over themselves to spout whatever political ‘message’ is cool and p.c. and see who can talk the fastest. In a phrase it SUCKS!
Stupidest Rock Star: Hands down Bono: Where oh where do I begin? Okay, first of all is he really even that good of a singer? He is ugly as sin - so ugly in fact, he has to wear sunglasses everywhere he goes so the ugly rays do eat the flesh from his face and that of his fans. But what really makes him suck is this pompous, sanctimonious world peace faux world leader act of his. Does he really think anybody (who doesn’t want to get free tickets to rocks concerts populated by other pompous egotistical rock stars) is even remotely interested in his world plan? Sorry bub, but you actually have to get elected by people who know they are electing you, in order to have a say in what my country is going to do about anything. And by the way champ, get the hell out of the U.S. and U.S. affairs, who the hell asked you? How do you get off even hinting at what my tax dollars should be spent on? How dare you take my tax dollars and take credit for what they buy. Kiss my grits, dude. Big time.
Stupidest shit people do to their kids: A picture 
is worth a thousand words. It’s not bad enought that this child is probably going to be raised by some doped up biker dude and biker chick, they have to turn him into some sort of mini me before he can even learn the words to protest. This mirror image approach to child rearing is just another disease of the yuppified self-absorbed. They don’t want to have children for the joy of having them and raising them to be their own man or woman - but rather they want to raise little clones of themselves so that they will be immortal.
Stupidest phrase: Politically Correct. What in the hell is correct about talking gibberish. I mean under what set of rules, grammar or otherwise does any of this doubletalk even begin to be correct? As for politics - we all know politics are lies and run by the lying liars who lie to get into office. So if something is politically correct isn’t the translation something like perfect lying?
Stupidest Shoes: Those sneakers that are really skates, no they are sneakers no they are skates, no they are sneakers that are skates - they are two, two, two shoes in one. What they are is an accident waiting to happen. It’s bad enough some fool came up with the idea but people are putting them on 6 year old who barely have enough sense not to play in the street much less navigate skating shoes down shopping market aisles . Which of course they don’t and they run smack into you and glare as though you are the cause of all their unhappiness. Between junk food, computers, Ipods and the fact that poor little Johnny shouldn’t have to actually walk to anyplace in the world (not even bed) this ain’t helping in the fight against adolescent obesity.
Stupidest Disease: Again, sooooooooooooooooo many to choose from but let’s go after restless leg syndrome. I mean, come on is this really a disease? From what I’ve read it’s just a magnesium deficiency, which I’d guess you could fix by taking magnesium. Why does every little thing that happens have to be a disease or a genetic defect? Why in the hell isn’t there one damn thing that people are supposed to be responsible for?
Stupidest News Story: The paternity of Ana-Nicole’s daughter. Come on folks, is this really news? I mean are things out there in the big, wide world, so easy going and calm and uneventful that who fathered an aging sex symbol’s daughter gets the headline banner. Not just once but for weeks? Really? So, like world hunger, world peace, tornados, beheadings, none of that takes precedence? Just what I thought all journalists are pussies and idiots who didn’t get their parents’ moneys worth on those fancy prep schools they all attended.
Other things that are just plain stupid pisser offers:
1. People who are too afraid to drive their cars. These are the folks who cause accidents and claim to be in them.
2. Claiming the price of gas is all because of the evil oil companies, with no mention of the taxes, initiatives, regulatory fees and every other little piece of garbage that is added to the price of gasoline which is hidden. No…let’s not tell the truth, let’s blame the guy that provides the goods.
3. Property taxes. Explain something to me, if you own something why would you pay someone else a tax for owning it? What Einstein thought this one up and why the hell does anyone pay it?
4. Giving anyone too young to pay for one on their own, a cell phone. What is the matter with parents today? They give 8 year olds cell phones and Ipods and then wonder how they get hit by cars. Aren’t kids absent-minded enough, you really have to give them things that will completely blot out the world around them? Why not just invest in that Matrix Condo Development now?
5. That cashiers can’t count. You know a bagillion years ago I worked as a waitress and often had to take money at the cash register. So if the bill was $2.26 and they gave you a five so you would count their change back to them like this: 27,28,29,30, 40,50,75, $3, $4, and $5. These days, they take the receipt and pile the bills and the change on top of that and jam it into your hand while peeking at the register to see how much they gave you. Not to mention the fact that they expect you to get the hell out of the way because the guy behind you is about ready to explode because you want to put your change back in your wallet before you grab your bags.
6. Restaurant workers who don’t speak english or have such a difficult time speaking it you cannot understand a word they say - especially at the drive through window. Sorry, but if you’re in America I believe you must speak English well enough to be understood - because if you can’t speak my language do you really think I’m going to trust in the fact that you’ll get my order right or my change? Get real.
7. The cigarette police, the fat police, the second hand smoke police (take your pick) they are the self-appointed assholes who must save society from itself while getting a whole of power for themselves too. Personally, I’m holding out for the bullshit police. I’d love to have some yahoo come along and save all of us from the bullshit that we’ve had shoveled on us from day one. I mean, have you ever asked yourself why it is that despite the trillions of dollars that have been donated and funded into heart disease, cancer, AIDS and so on that there is still no cure for any of it? Don’t you wonder why? Seriously? I’ll tell you why - it’s because they are now cottage industries that hire tons of people who would actually have to find work if cures were found. Most of that money never gets to the level of those who honestly want to find cures or solutions - it gets stuck at the administrative level. Please go save someone who needs saving and leave me alone. I am willing to accept responsibility for my actions.
8. Social Security and Medicare: Is there anyone of my generation out there who has any dillusions that they will collect one cent of the social security and medicare we have funded over our working careers? Anybody? Cuz if so, I have a bridge in Brooklyn you might want to take a look at.
Alrighty then, that’s about all my wee brain can come up with today. Feel free to add to the list.
WC
Really Stupid Shit
Posted on January 7, 2007 - Filed Under Blogroll, Deep thoughts, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Movies, Opinions, Random Thoughts, WTF?, ab fab costumes, acts of idiocy, acts of valor, adventure, amazing, california, classics, clueless, double yoiks, favorites, funny bone, i dunno, in my head, laughs, little rants, really stupid shit, temporary insanity, that's class, voices in my head
Since the internet is filled with stupid shit, I thought I’d get in on the act. Hence my favorite stupid shit, and stupid shit that is just stupid:
Favorite stupid saying: You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. (How come?)
Favorite stupid movie: Monty Python’s Holy Grail. I especially love the horses they use and their many special effects.
Favorite stupid food: Artichoke, steamed with mayo for dipping. This is a stupid food because 1) who the hell figured out you could eat it? 2) who the hell figured out how to cook it so you could eat it 3) and how did anybody convince anybody that you should all sit around an artichoke, pulling off leaves, dunking it in mayo and the scrape the meat off the leaves?
Favorite stupid sign:
Favorite stupid car: The original VW Bug. First of all, who wants to drive something called a bug? It conjures visions of motorized cockroaches or something. Then there is the engine in the back. And of course, the ever popular heating system (has anyone ever felt warm on an icy day in a VW Bug?).
Favorite stupid song: Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat It.” Nuff said.
Favorite stupid website: Stupid.com - yep there really is a website by this name and you can check it out here. In fact, I purchased many stupid Christmas gifts from them this year and they were a hit. Don’t believe me? Ask Michael at Smoke & Mirrors.
Favorite stupid dance: The pony. For those of you who have never heard of this dance or seen it performed, see if you can find some old American Bandstand reruns. It’s worth it and hysterically funny.
Favorite stupid children’s character: Barney the purple Dragon. Not only is he huge and purple but he is butt-ugly. If I were a kid I’d be afraid of that sucker. And also somebody needs to work on the lyrics for his songs.
Favorite stupid tv show: Friends. A bunch of 20-somethings (who are really a lot older than that) have adventures in the big city. They are all struggling, lost, have career and life issues but live in a really cool apartment in the village, dress in all the latest fashions, go to fancy restaurants for dinners and have problems like jellyfish bites, whether or not to kiss Rachel, getting rid of annoying girlfriends and sibling rivalry. Great fun.
Things that are just stupid:
1. Bicyclists can ride on the open road but cars can’t drive on bike paths.
2. Joggers jog to become more fit and healthy but jog along heavily traveled roads - can you say carbon monoxide?
3. People who don’t pay taxes are pissed that they don’t get refunds.
4. Indecivise customers at fast food restaraunts.
5. Diet coke & chocolate cake.
6. Frisking old ladies at airports in case they’re terrorists.
7. Road construction during rush hour.
8. Cheerleaders at pro basketball games - for that money, they don’t need encouragement to cheer - you bet your ass they’re going to.
9. Pocket protectors - you might as well just stick a post-it on your head that says “Geek & Loser.”
10. Stop signs in California (more like avoid the oncoming car, signs).
Okay - that’s about all the stupid shit I can come up with tonight. I’ll let you know if I think of anything else.
WC
The Reasons…
Posted on November 30, 2006 - Filed Under I gots to have it, Life, autumn, beauty, california, nature, perfect evenings
There are many reasons that I live in California…chief among them is the sense of eternal summer. Well at least compared to the midwest where I grew up - breathing ice in the winter, sludging through mud in the spring and sticky sweltering in the summer (the autumn was nice but way to short). But I’ll tell you when I’m feeling down and everything seems like total shit there is nothing like this to make you feel like all is right and beautiful in the world. 
Kind of neat that I have only to look out the back door or down the street to see this, huh? WC
