Insomnia or I Wish to Hell I Could Sleep…
Posted on October 20, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, brain farts, crap!, i dunno
Yup, I’ve got it and I’ve had it most of my life. My mother said it was because I was born a night owl, whatever the hell that means - apparently it’s genetic or something. But unlike the fact of being ‘trained’ out of being left handed as child (lest I grow up to be a maniacal killer or something) there wasn’t any Dr. Spock on this.
When I was kid, I used to just daydream at night when I was supposed to be sleeping. I’d imagine myself in all kinds of mystical and magical places. From William Tell’s dinner table to the Taj Mahal. I led a rather exciting life in my imagination as you can probably guess. And just as I began to her the chirpy little birds begin to wake is when I would finally drop off. Only to be shocked awake by Ma yelling for us to wake up. Breakfast was waiting, school was waiting, life was waiting. Me, I was nodding.
I also used to try reading under the blanket with a flashlight. That didn’t work out too well because I could never really get the right angle on the flashlight and we had those weird blankets that had that kind of open weave so the light was just broadcasted in a kind of prism pattern on the wall and could easily be seen at the bottom of my door. Then Dad would be grumbling about how kids ought to be asleep. Other times I’d sit in my window and watch the moon, as though it would do something like a little Fred Astaire number or perhaps a song. Ever wake up with you face on a cold window sill on a winter morning? Nope, not a pretty sight.
As a last ditch effort I would sneak out to the livingroom with my lame blanket, jack up the thermometer and sleep on the floor next to the heater vent. Something about intense heat could always make me nod off. As a teen I slept my way all the way through American History and Civics - who knew I’d grow up to be a rabble rouser and a political junkie???
Over the years I’ve more or less come to grips with the fact that I just don’t sleep all that much or all that well. Which for a while worked. Still I could never give up the ghost of finding some solution to it. I started running in order to help my sleep dysfunction - it did help and was really great for my thunder thighs and big ass - but then a car accident messed that up. Don’t you love it when a driver on crack doesn’t see you and forces you and your old Buick through a red light? Mighty exciting. Well then, talk about not being able to sleep - yeah that took couple years to get back to sleep after that but I must say the xrays of my reverse vector neck were quite pretty.
Eventually I kind of found a system of getting some sleep. A certain combination of vitamins, cutting back on caffiene, drinking more water, exercise and watching really boring television seemed to work pretty well. Some nights I could manage to get as much as seven hours.
Then there were those good years when all of sudden I could actually sleep for no reason at all. Those were fine but when they started and when they ended I couldn’t tell you. This year hasn’t been good for sleep. Too much excitement. Too many changes and this and that. But especially these last few weeks. It’s a good excitement and I’m happy about it but is it right that happiness should keep you up nights? That just seems unfair if you ask me.
Anyway, feel free to leave any tips, tricks or remedies you may know of - I’m desperate, and will try just about anything. Meanwhile, I’ll try crawling back into bed and see if I can just pass out from exhaustion.
Bone Tired
Posted on July 16, 2008 - Filed Under bad hair day, brain farts, crap!
Ever hear the term? The first time I did was from my friend Vicky who explained it to be an exhaustion so utterly deep that it went right on down to the bones. Okay, so if you looked that up in the dictionary you would see my dragging ass pictured there. I. Am. Bone. Tired.
I have had many long and romantic dances with insomnia in my life and after a while had come to accept that there would always be periods in my life where I simply couldn’t sleep. No matter how many vitamins I took, potions I drank or exercise I did. No tips or tricks have ever had any lasting workability and I think I’ve tried them all. Even booze, an old favorite isn’t a good one for me because it makes me so dizzy that that keeps me awake.
But I have to say of all the insomnias I’ve had, this week quite possibly gets the prize. Between the shit that is flying here and there, I’ve also had some particularly intense and great conversations with friends, a creative jag that has had me scribbling over anything that could even remotely considered a writing surface and then there was a massive canibal incident in the frog swamp that got me going.
I know you folks haven’t seen much of me around - and for that I am sorry. I keep meaning to get by - wanting to read and inter-relate but by the time I get to it, my eyeballs are bleeding and my head is stuffed with mental cotton candy. I’m hoping tonight is the night I actually get some sleep. That I’m not wondering around the house again at 3a.m. just like a zombie out for their nightly bloodfest.
Cuz, let’s face it, things do seem better when you can actually comprehend the world around you.
Anyway, like the saying goes…’if you see something dragging, don’t step on it, cuz that’s my ass.’
bAd BlOg dAY…
Posted on February 27, 2008 - Filed Under Blogging, brain farts, crap!
Take this blog
and shove it
I don’t know why
I love it
It drives me
up the wall
I might as well
just crawl
my endless rants
just fall
like acid drops of gall
and I won’t
just play ball
So I’m tagging
up the hall
With gra-feet- tee
Take this blog
and shove it
I’m sad from
dreaming of it
Am I now
above it??
Below it???
Tell me if you
know it…
My words are all
just nothin’
No fruit inside
the muffin
My mind can’t
stand the huffin’
Cuz I don’t get
no lovin
From no-bod-dee
Take this blog
and shove it
Find a box
and stuff it
in the drawers
of fluff-it
Cuz mine are
more than empty
And nothin’s
gonna tempt me
to spew,
to sputter
to simmer
or stew
gone…
copyright 2008
The Hunt is On
Posted on January 20, 2008 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., adventure, crap!
Hey Everybody - well, I’m sad to say that the fun and games are over and it’s time for me to actually go get a job now. So, you probably won’t see much of me for the next few days or maybe longer. Wish me luck.
Annie
Agent Update
Posted on November 1, 2007 - Filed Under Dear Readers..., back to work, crap!, update
Hi Guys,
Well, I didn’t want to say anything until I had something to report. A few weeks ago, I received an email from one of the agents I’d submitted and my gut clenched, expecting it to be a, ‘no.’ To my surprise they requested the full manuscript. To say I was jazzed puts it mildly.
Like a good little writer, I printed off a fresh copy of the manuscript, wrote a letter on my nice stationary and sent it off. The weeks passed. About a week ago, I emailed the agent toe ensure they received the manuscript. She assured me they had and they were still in the ‘review process’ and would let me know when they had decided. Again my hopes were bouyed and I allowed myself to be happy about it.
Today, I received another email and as it turns out they said, no. The language was politely vague and the bottom line seemed to be that they didn’t fall in love with the book like they wanted to. Now this was a little weird because there was another rejection on a story I submitted that used the same language. Apparently this is the new no. I didn’t fall in love like I wanted to with the story. Apparently, my book isn’t a good enough lover. Maybe it needs more foreplay? Or should rent one of those love making videos and learn a little new technique? I dunno.
So, it’s back to the drawing board and more submissions. Arrrggghhh.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know and say thanks for all your good wishes and prayers which I knew were there. I really appreciate your support and interest and it makes a difference to me, more than I could ever say.
Annie
I Want a Do-Over!
Posted on June 18, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, bad hair day, crap!, good wishes, head exploding, little rants, my opinions, rat bastards, really stupid shit, temporary insanity
This past week at work has been unbelievable. Besides the usual sniping, blind-siding employees that seek to ruin my life - it seems the whole fricking universe wants to get into the act too.
Okay, Monday was okay and Tuesday started out okay but then - somebody asked me something which I needed to check on the Internet. Ooops. No internet. Crap. Have everybody check their computers to see if they are having the same problem. Yep. We’re all screwed for that. Oh well, life goes on.
A little while later, somebody said the fax wasn’t working. I noticed a message saying the cartridge was low, so I sent someone to go get a new one. Nope, that didn’t fix it. Hmmm.
I called the IT guy we use and told him the problems we were having. Naturally, he insisted in doing one of those ‘let me walk you through it’ things that never work. So, he said he’d come over. He arrived later and checked this and that and nope, we simply did not have an internet connection.Crap.
So then I spend an hour trying to figure out who the provider is because nobody knows. Since we have an Earthlink account which we pay every month, I assumed it was them. After an hour on the phone with them I realize that it probably isn’t them. Is the bookeeper any help? You know, the one who is in charge of such things as vendors - uh..duh…nope. I grab the phone bill and discover yes, my dear friends at AT&T provide the service. Okay, we go through the whole bullshit routine with them. You know the one, where the Tech guy on the other end of the line just knows it’s a user problem? Sweet. And he’s asking me which line it is - we have 15 lines mind you. And I’m thinking ‘how the hell should I know? they installed it, why can’t they just look it up on the computer?’
Finally the guy figures it out after forcing me to read a 20 page phone bill. Ah yes, it’s the fax line. So, let me get this straight - my dsl is on my fax line and so that then means they are both out, right? Crap! At least I have my backup fax line. Ah…no…that one is out too.
When can they come to fix it? Tonight at 7 p.m. What? We’ll all be gone by then you dope - this is a business, not my house, which should be pretty obvious since I have 15 phone lines, doncha think?
Okay, tomorrow between 9 & 1. It sucks but I can live with it. We just need to hang on until then. Oh by the way, the receptionist just told me the credit card machine doesn’t work either. Okay, call the company. Shit, you need an internet connection for that too? And guess what? Most of our transactions are on credit cards. So now the receptionist is writing down numbers and other pertinent info so she can run the charges the next day.
So, Wednesday I call up the company to get an update and make sure they are really coming. Guess what? The tech guy tells me that it’s actually a bigger problem and my repair ticket has been canceled because it’s actually a whole grid that is out and it will take days. Days! Probably not til Monday.
So, long story short - we spent the rest of the week without internet, faxes or a credit card machine. And I don’t even know if it’s going to be working when I get in this morning.
Oh yeah, and the doc told me she’s going on vacation in two weeks and we’ll just have to reschedule all the patients and make the associates take care of things.
Oh yeah, and the bookeeper actually twigged that if we don’t get things fixed we may not be able to do payroll on Tuesday.
Oh yeah, then there was this crazy patient who had filed some stupid ass complaint and so we had to run around trying to find stuff that we could fax…ah…er…send over to the board, so they would know she is just a nut job who threatened to off herself at the office a couple of months ago.
Oh yeah and the attorney who is (bumbling) handling a legal case of grand larceny for us - is calling me every two minutes from the police station to help him with stuff I gave him months ago.
Yep, a do-over. I deserve one and need one. Or at least have things back to normal. Wish me luck - I just know I’ll need it. Crap!
WC
Bastard!
Posted on April 11, 2007 - Filed Under Rants/Opinions, WTF?, burn in hell, crap!, dasterdly deeds, little rants, my opinions, rat bastards
Okay, so this weekend was kind of odd and surreal. The weather was like something out of an Emily Bronte novel - in fact, I could almost hear Cathy and Heathcliff whispering to each other - so I immediately went into a sort of hibernation-stasis mode.
To my delight, my friend J was in town and we had dinner and some great conversation and were up til all hours. I caught up on some posts and reading and things seemed, well…okay.
Then I decided to drag my sorry ass out to put gas in the car because of course, I didn’t want to try that on Monday morning. What did my eyes see? Broken tail light glass shattered in the middle of the street. I thought, I better pick that up because I don’t want to drive over that. Which I did…and then some little voice said, oh-oh. I didn’t want to, no, I really didn’t but I walked back to look at the back of my car. There is was - a big gash and broken tail light. My beautiful car has been hit and then they ran.
Bastard, bastard, bastard all to hell! Shit, damn, fuck! I cried a little because my beautiful car had been marred. It was perfect and now it isn’t. No note. No, I’m sorry. No, nothing. Sonofagun!
Roomie helped me retrieve as many of the pieces as we could and is as we speak out there with handyman-guy trying to put the pieces back together. It could be worse, yah, it certainly could be worse - but damn!
Because I didn’t see anything the only thing the police would do is take a phone report for the insurance company. Yeah, like I’m going to tell them about it. Sigh. It’s always something. Crap! Please God, let the tail light still work and just have the cover need replacing. And please God, let my mechanic know some body shop guy who can fix it without it being too painfully expensive. And thank you God, for letting the auto parts place be open so I could buy that stupid red tape to cover it up for now.
I guess that $200 filling is going to have to wait, eh?
Like I said, it could have been worse and I’m thankful it wasn’t too bad. Now, I guess my car is like me - kind of pretty but definitely flawed.
WC
Things Change
Posted on April 1, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, WTF?, adventure, brain farts, classics, crap!, double yoiks, funny bone, laughs, my opinions, really stupid shit, satire
Damn it!
WC
Really Stupid Shit Part Deux
Posted on March 26, 2007 - Filed Under AIDS, Current Events, Deep thoughts, Humor, Just For Fun, Life, Politics, Random Thoughts, WTF?, acts of idiocy, adventure, american idol, brain farts, california, classics, clueless, crap!, dasterdly deeds, double yoiks, favorites, funny bone, head exploding, i dunno, in my head, laughs, little dictators, little rants, my opinions, philosophy & politics, possibilities, rat bastards, really cool shit, really stupid shit, sarcasm, satire, voices in my head, yoiks
I know you’ve all been out there waiting with baited breath for a sequel to this really popular post because when you get right down to it, you just can’t get enough stupid shit. But I like to change things up lest I end up in a rut, so rather than favorite stupid shit - I think we’ll go with annoying stupid shit this time out.
Ready? Good. Here we go
Stupidest remaining Idol Contestant: Tie. Sanjaya the bad singer with the good hair and blindingly white smile - who couldn’t sing if his life truly depended on it. He is only still on the show because weeping pre-teens can’t tell the difference between love and their impending hormones. It’s sweet in a real icky kind of way. But I hate to break it to you folks, he is one of the Top Ten. Any arguments that maybe they should have stopped at season 5?
The other ‘idol’ vying for the title is Chris Sligh (Sly? Are you kidding?) who is the self-appointed “Taylor” contestant for this year. He acts like a dark horse (he thinks), sings the same songs/material as Taylor (tries to Christ-i-cize it?) and just goes off key and nasal, does the fro thang, strolls through the crowd but looks like he wants to slap them out of his way rather than interact. Oh and his fans are calling themselves the Fro-Patrol. Excuse me while I puke. This kid is about as sincere as Paris Hilton while she is hanging out with her girlfriends’ boyfriends unchaperoned. He is the biggest phoniest jackass of a contestant I’ve seen on the show. I’ll bet the voice isn’t really his - he probably pipes it in through his ass from some high tech Ipod mike accessory. Pass the barfbag.
Stupidest Title for a movie - Mimzy or some shit. I don’t CARE if it is good. You just don’t call a movie Mimzy if you expect anyone over the age of three to go see it. Hey Joe, see any good movies lately? Oh yah Marge and I saw Mimsy - it was really fabulous. Jeez - come on!
Stupidest Talk Show Host: Rosie O’Donnell. What her producers seem to be missing is that talk show hosts are supposed to encourage the guests to talk. Not to slap them, gag them and force feed them their personal, commie, leftie, eco-whacko, insane-o views. Or am I missing something?
Stupidest TV Show: Oh there are soooooooo many but let me pick one from the new batch of shows. Now, mind you I am not going after any reality shows since in my mind they really aren’t tv shows but more like amatuer contests that are televised. No, I’m going after real, shows that are supposed to be real. Okay - Studio Sixty. I mean, hello? What the frick are they thinking here? First of all is Amanda Peet really going to go for Bradley Whitford? The guy has a huge head, it’s even a little scary. Imagine that coming at you ladies for a little good night smooch. Oh yeah. And then Matthew Perry is so schizoid he needs at least 10 offices for all his personalities and the girl he is supposed to be in love with is just too normal to ever really be attracted to a malignant narccissist like him and all his self-righteous spewing crapola. And remember folks, this is supposed to be a comedy, which means funny, right? While really all they are doing is tripping over themselves to spout whatever political ‘message’ is cool and p.c. and see who can talk the fastest. In a phrase it SUCKS!
Stupidest Rock Star: Hands down Bono: Where oh where do I begin? Okay, first of all is he really even that good of a singer? He is ugly as sin - so ugly in fact, he has to wear sunglasses everywhere he goes so the ugly rays do eat the flesh from his face and that of his fans. But what really makes him suck is this pompous, sanctimonious world peace faux world leader act of his. Does he really think anybody (who doesn’t want to get free tickets to rocks concerts populated by other pompous egotistical rock stars) is even remotely interested in his world plan? Sorry bub, but you actually have to get elected by people who know they are electing you, in order to have a say in what my country is going to do about anything. And by the way champ, get the hell out of the U.S. and U.S. affairs, who the hell asked you? How do you get off even hinting at what my tax dollars should be spent on? How dare you take my tax dollars and take credit for what they buy. Kiss my grits, dude. Big time.
Stupidest shit people do to their kids: A picture 
is worth a thousand words. It’s not bad enought that this child is probably going to be raised by some doped up biker dude and biker chick, they have to turn him into some sort of mini me before he can even learn the words to protest. This mirror image approach to child rearing is just another disease of the yuppified self-absorbed. They don’t want to have children for the joy of having them and raising them to be their own man or woman - but rather they want to raise little clones of themselves so that they will be immortal.
Stupidest phrase: Politically Correct. What in the hell is correct about talking gibberish. I mean under what set of rules, grammar or otherwise does any of this doubletalk even begin to be correct? As for politics - we all know politics are lies and run by the lying liars who lie to get into office. So if something is politically correct isn’t the translation something like perfect lying?
Stupidest Shoes: Those sneakers that are really skates, no they are sneakers no they are skates, no they are sneakers that are skates - they are two, two, two shoes in one. What they are is an accident waiting to happen. It’s bad enough some fool came up with the idea but people are putting them on 6 year old who barely have enough sense not to play in the street much less navigate skating shoes down shopping market aisles . Which of course they don’t and they run smack into you and glare as though you are the cause of all their unhappiness. Between junk food, computers, Ipods and the fact that poor little Johnny shouldn’t have to actually walk to anyplace in the world (not even bed) this ain’t helping in the fight against adolescent obesity.
Stupidest Disease: Again, sooooooooooooooooo many to choose from but let’s go after restless leg syndrome. I mean, come on is this really a disease? From what I’ve read it’s just a magnesium deficiency, which I’d guess you could fix by taking magnesium. Why does every little thing that happens have to be a disease or a genetic defect? Why in the hell isn’t there one damn thing that people are supposed to be responsible for?
Stupidest News Story: The paternity of Ana-Nicole’s daughter. Come on folks, is this really news? I mean are things out there in the big, wide world, so easy going and calm and uneventful that who fathered an aging sex symbol’s daughter gets the headline banner. Not just once but for weeks? Really? So, like world hunger, world peace, tornados, beheadings, none of that takes precedence? Just what I thought all journalists are pussies and idiots who didn’t get their parents’ moneys worth on those fancy prep schools they all attended.
Other things that are just plain stupid pisser offers:
1. People who are too afraid to drive their cars. These are the folks who cause accidents and claim to be in them.
2. Claiming the price of gas is all because of the evil oil companies, with no mention of the taxes, initiatives, regulatory fees and every other little piece of garbage that is added to the price of gasoline which is hidden. No…let’s not tell the truth, let’s blame the guy that provides the goods.
3. Property taxes. Explain something to me, if you own something why would you pay someone else a tax for owning it? What Einstein thought this one up and why the hell does anyone pay it?
4. Giving anyone too young to pay for one on their own, a cell phone. What is the matter with parents today? They give 8 year olds cell phones and Ipods and then wonder how they get hit by cars. Aren’t kids absent-minded enough, you really have to give them things that will completely blot out the world around them? Why not just invest in that Matrix Condo Development now?
5. That cashiers can’t count. You know a bagillion years ago I worked as a waitress and often had to take money at the cash register. So if the bill was $2.26 and they gave you a five so you would count their change back to them like this: 27,28,29,30, 40,50,75, $3, $4, and $5. These days, they take the receipt and pile the bills and the change on top of that and jam it into your hand while peeking at the register to see how much they gave you. Not to mention the fact that they expect you to get the hell out of the way because the guy behind you is about ready to explode because you want to put your change back in your wallet before you grab your bags.
6. Restaurant workers who don’t speak english or have such a difficult time speaking it you cannot understand a word they say - especially at the drive through window. Sorry, but if you’re in America I believe you must speak English well enough to be understood - because if you can’t speak my language do you really think I’m going to trust in the fact that you’ll get my order right or my change? Get real.
7. The cigarette police, the fat police, the second hand smoke police (take your pick) they are the self-appointed assholes who must save society from itself while getting a whole of power for themselves too. Personally, I’m holding out for the bullshit police. I’d love to have some yahoo come along and save all of us from the bullshit that we’ve had shoveled on us from day one. I mean, have you ever asked yourself why it is that despite the trillions of dollars that have been donated and funded into heart disease, cancer, AIDS and so on that there is still no cure for any of it? Don’t you wonder why? Seriously? I’ll tell you why - it’s because they are now cottage industries that hire tons of people who would actually have to find work if cures were found. Most of that money never gets to the level of those who honestly want to find cures or solutions - it gets stuck at the administrative level. Please go save someone who needs saving and leave me alone. I am willing to accept responsibility for my actions.
8. Social Security and Medicare: Is there anyone of my generation out there who has any dillusions that they will collect one cent of the social security and medicare we have funded over our working careers? Anybody? Cuz if so, I have a bridge in Brooklyn you might want to take a look at.
Alrighty then, that’s about all my wee brain can come up with today. Feel free to add to the list.
WC
It’s Official - They Hate Me
Posted on March 20, 2007 - Filed Under WTF?, bad hair day, clueless, crap!, head exploding, introspection, my opinions, temporary insanity, voices in my head, working stiff
Okay, so you all know that the new job has been rough from the beginning. But today was the ultimate - one of my staff informed me that they all hate me. Just call me office road kill. Imagine my joy at the news.
Followed by the doctor getting in my face about something, followed by the consultant making fun of me for being upset. I don’t think I’m going to make it there.
I think I am just the wrong person for the job. I have no one to talk to - and feel like such an outsider there it is just misery.
The worse part of it is - that my blogging has really sucked since I started the job too - which really pisses me off.
I don’t know what I’m going to do - I don’t even know what I can do. Tomorrow I have lunch with the doctor and the consultant - during which I expect them to get on me about whatever - so that will be a meal I won’t be eating.
I never knew I was so unlovable and in fact detestible. Gives one pause, you know? Sorry for the whining but it’s the only thing I can really think about right now. Can you say, ‘head exploding’?
WC
