For Your Amusement (caution - conservative humor)
Posted on September 21, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, Politics, brain farts
Okay, here’s a few that might make you laugh.
Have a good weekend everybody. 
Tasteless Toons for Sunday
Posted on September 7, 2008 - Filed Under Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, brain farts, my opinions
BAd jOkEs
Posted on June 26, 2008 - Filed Under Joke Time, Just For Fun, my opinions
There must be something in the air lately - I’ve had multiple friends send me batches of bad jokes. Of course to me, there is nothing better than a bad joke. The badder the better. If a joke elicits a big groan from me then it’s high on the joke meter. Not being one to be selfish, I thought I’d share the latest bad jokes floating around.
Remember…the bigger the groan the better the joke. H.T. to Ger and Marli.
- What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
- What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
- Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
- Why is air a lot like sex?Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any
- What do you call a smart blonde?A golden retriever.
- What do attorneys use for birth control?Their personalities.
- What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs
- What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
- What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife
- Why do men want to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.
- Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
- What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ‘Are you sure it’s mine?’
- Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
- Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA.
- Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
- Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
- What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.
- What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time ..’ -A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this S**t….
Puns, anyone?
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception
was excellent. - A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don ‘t start anything.”
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
- “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home!’”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
Well , “It’s Not Unusual.” - An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
were nothing to look at either. - Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
- A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t - I’ve cut off your arms!” - What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kay ak were chilly, so they lit a
fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can’t have your kay ak and heat it too. - A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in
an open foyer.” - Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…(get ready to groan)… A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at leas ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Chicks in dah Hood
Posted on April 7, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, WTF?, ab fab costumes, beautiful photos, brain farts, classics, funny bone, laughs, loving it!, really cool shit, really stupid shit, scary chicks, that's class, yoiks
Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!
Apparently, this is what I have to look forward to in my twilight years. Although, who can complain about an awesome biker jacket and doo-rag? Not I, my friends, not I.
WC
Things Change
Posted on April 1, 2007 - Filed Under Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, WTF?, adventure, brain farts, classics, crap!, double yoiks, funny bone, laughs, my opinions, really stupid shit, satire
Damn it!
WC
God, I Hate Rules!
Posted on March 24, 2007 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, WTF?, acts of idiocy, adventure, brain farts, classics, double yoiks, favorites, funny bone, laughs, loving it!, my opinions, really stupid shit, satire, saturdays, smells, tips
Aren’t You Glad…
Posted on March 13, 2007 - Filed Under Current Events, Deep thoughts, Election 2008, Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, WTF?, acts of idiocy, adventure, boomers, brain farts, candidates, country, crap!, double yoiks, evil bloodsuckers, funny bone, laughs, liars, our troops, rat bastards, sarcasm, satire, support our troops
we gave control of Congress to the Democrats? Hasn’t life been oh so much better since then? Can’t you hardly wait til Baraka or Billary is Prez?
WC
Turn the Magic Ear to the ‘On’ Position
Posted on February 27, 2007 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, acts of idiocy, adventure, boomers, brain farts, classics, clueless, funny bone, future, hysterical, laughs, loving it!, my opinions, really stupid shit, smells, that's class
I have seen the future and it looks like this. LOL. Oh yes it does.
WC 
To All The Dead Terrorists
Posted on February 20, 2007 - Filed Under 9/11, Current Events, Deep thoughts, Holiday, Humor, Iran, Israel, Joke Time, Just For Fun, Terrorism, WTF?, What If?, ab fab costumes, adventure, burn in hell, classics, dasterdly deeds, double yoiks, funny bone, i dunno, iraq, laughs, loving it!, my opinions, rat bastards, really cool shit, satire, scary chicks
HAPPY 72 VIRGIN DAY!
(Oh yeah, he probably never also heard the ‘hell hath no fury’ quote either - because well, he was a stupid-ass terrorist. Now he is a dead stupid-ass terrorist. Like i always say ‘a good terrorist is a dead terrorist.’ )
Hot Off the (Church Lady) Press!
Posted on February 4, 2007 - Filed Under Deep thoughts, Humor, Joke Time, Just For Fun, Life, Random Thoughts, acts of idiocy, adventure, bad hair day, brain farts, classics, clueless, double yoiks, empty head, funny bone, hysterical, laughs, really stupid shit, yoiks
(HT to KellyToo, who sent me this hilarious list. WC)
They’re Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours”
