Case in point: I got on the train a week ago and sat next to this princess.

She immediately turned to me and said, “Ugghh… do you smoke?”

I was taken by surprise but I looked at her and said, “Uhh . . . Yyyeah. . . ”

“Well,” she says, extremely irritated, “I’m pregnant!”

I really wanted to say, “Oh, I thought you were just really fat.”
But I bit my lip and in my stupefied state muttered, “Jesus Christ,” before I got up and moved to another seat.
What the hell does the fact that I smoke have to do with being somewhere in this woman’s proximity?
Would the aroma cause some strange birth anomaly?
I’m still shaking my head over this one and wondering if I’m the one in the wrong here.
And I’m still pissed that this chaste, self-righteous and corpulent A-hole basically wanted me to know I was an unacceptable seating partner simply because I smoke.
If I was smoking on the train, yes, I’m an inconsiderate idiot and should be thrown off while the train is moving.
I work in a cigar store where people smoke cigars all freakin’ day, so sue me.
Any thoughts?
Or is it just a total over-reaction from me?
I could use a good smartass Groucho Marx quote right about now . . .
I still can’t believe anyone in the world would ever screw this bitch.
Jesus Krispies.

~m

Okay everybody, this will be my last post until I get to my new home. Wow. I can’t believe I’m doing this wild and crazy thing but I dont’ regret it for one second.

We’re just about ready and will be hitting the road soon, hopefully after we manage to get my few possessions into what I hope is my big trunk. I’ll try to take some pictures, if I see anything interesting from the car window and if I luck out and stumble upon an internet connection while we’re traveling I’ll check in to give you an update.

In my absence a few of my very good blogging buds have done some guest posts for me. Please drop by and make a comment or two. Thanks to Panther, Michael, Evyl, Teeni and Moe. You guys are the best and I really appreciate your help. And Moe will be keeping an eye on things in my absence, so no food fights or hogging the coffee. Okay?

I love you guys - and I’ll see you soon. Big hugs.

I know that most people hate to move, and I am certainly among them. You get used to being in a certain space and surrounded by certain familiar objects and material possessions. Even if you aren’t particularly happy in that space or with those possessions, there is a security in the constancy of it.

When you decide to move you introduce change into the scene and even though it will be better for you in the long run, the short term does get to you. There is all the initial having to move things around, boxes, trucks, yard sales, all the not so fun stuff. Your once peaceful space becomes chaos and it’s easy to feel like your life is chaos too, even though it really isn’t. It’s simply changing.

No matter what people say or think they think, the truth is, we don’t like to change, not if there is any effort involved. We like things to stay the same, stay predictable. I know in my case that is true - at least in my living arrangements. I like that sameness and not having to think about it much. It enables me to go and do other things, things I deem more important and interesting. Know what I mean?

However, there is another aspect to all this change and moving that is interesting to me. I find that once I get through all the effort of getting my butt into gear, get into action about things, that a kind of nice change comes over me. A sort of zen experience if you will. There is something good for the soul, I think, to every now and then get rid of everything that isn’t absolutely essential in your life. It’s very freeing and you can even feel physically lighter. As though you have much more mobility and aren’t tethered or harnassed. And I have to say that’s a pretty cool thing.

And as I now am rapidly approaching the actual move date and I’ve condensed my belongings down to one pretty small pile, I feel myself lightening up. Feeling a bit freer and more open to change and new adventures. In this case, for me, that certainly will be the outcome.

Sure there will be more effort - the drive, moving all our stuff into the new place, finding stuff that we need, arranging and rearranging and then the settling into the safe predictable space once again. But for now, I’m grooving on the zen and it ain’t bad. Ain’t bad at all.

So, yesterday was the big garage sale. The fact that it was the the hottest, windiest day of the year and a forest fire was blazing just five miles away didn’t stop me. Nope, I was up at 5 am and dragging crap around in front of the house.

Now there is a special way to lay out a garage sale when you’re in 25mile per hour winds. Have to be extra careful of glass items and God forbid you don’t anchor the clothes to the trees, just right. You know? So much for a nice display. I was just trying to keep everything from flying over the hill onto the freeway, lest I be the inadvertant cause of a 20 car pile up.

I was encouraged when I got some early birders who bought stuff right off. But there were long lulls of dry winds and nobody coming by. I listed the sale on Craigslist (everybody knows craigslist, right?) but I doubt any of the people who came by had anything to do with that since you end up so far down the list so fast that it ain’t funny. Luckily Roomie was in a good mood and made signs and kept going out to scout new places to hang them. I’m sure that’s the only reason anyone came off the beaten path to check out my wares. And he kept me company too (for part of the day anyway) which helped.

What was really strange is what sold. I expected things like furniture to go quickly but it didnt. In fact, most of my weirder stuff sold. Like the little elf suit I bought my dog last year so I could take pictures of her in it for xmas. A cheap clip on lamp - my old boom box, purses, costume jewelry, vhs tapes and cassettes.

To my utter shock and dismay nobody bit on the furniture - nobody needed a desk or a hutch or bookshelves, apparently. I guess if it wasn’t weird they didn’t want it. Go figure. God Bless Roomie for loading all that crap up in his truck and dragging it down to the thrift store for me. I have a trunkful of odds and ends to drop myself but there you have it.

Considering few of the ‘big ticket items’ (if one can say such a thing of a garage sale) sold, I did okay. I mean, what can you expect? You are essentially asking people to buy your crap and well if the weather isn’t nice and you’re not on a freeway off ramp, it is rather inconvenient for them to come by and pick through your possessions like black crows on a roadkill, you know? So, I got some pocket money and some gas money and I guess that is something to be grateful for.

The funny thing is that even though it feels a little weird to sell your stuff and sit on the floor in a nearly empty room, writing a post with the keyboard in your lap, it is kind of freeing to let go of all of it. Something about being down to few material goods does something for me every now and then. And really how hard is it to replace things that have no true sentimental value to you?

Though by the time 1 o’clock rolled around I was exhausted and every muscle in my body ached. I slept nine hours last night, which was good since I really needed it. I still feel a little creaky and that I’m too old for the crap but I’ll get over it.

Today, I clean and clean and then clean some more. Yay, one of my favorite activities. At least I’ll have breffy with Zelda first and a quick trip to Target for moving supplies. I love field trips, don’t you?

Anyway friends, I’m that much closer to kissing L.A. goodbye and moving onto my new life. And that’s a good thing.

So, here I am at 1 AM plus sitting at my computer keyboard cuz I had a dream that scared the bageebers outta me. Luckily I was smart enough to wake up or I could be lost in the depths of a bad plot about a doctor going crazy on my ass. You know? But you have to love dreams, don’t you? For all their Alice in Wonderland, crazy plot twists and casts of characters. This one, which thankfully, I vaguely remember was about some doctor who was lecturing me about stealing from him and he was going to ‘get’ me and somehow an old boyfriend figured into the scenario too but he had something to do with critiques on flavors of candy he had invented as well as sleep remedies. And somebody must have been beating me with a stick too because my neck is killing me. Aside from the old boyfriend, I have never met any of the people in the dream, which is freaky cuz man they seem real, so maybe it’s just a novel I need to write that is calling to me from badfuckingdreamland or I shouldn’t have eaten the cheese cracker thingies Roomie offered me last night?

I do (and have often) wonder where these kind of dreams come from. I know there is much psychobabble dedicated to dreams and their ‘meanings’ which for the most part I think is a bunch of hogwash. I mean seriously, how much can you trust the ‘unconscious mind’? It’s unconscious for a reason, right? You don’t trust unconscious people, do you? So why would you put any stock in a mind that was unconscious and what it was trying to tell you? Like babies and puppy dogs, while they are amazingly cute and lovable, if they were giving you advice, would you listen? I think not.

I do, however, believe in premonitions that sometimes come in dreams, as some of those have really hit the mark for me personally. I wonder if there is a difference? There must be, otherwise they’d be as nonsensical as the other dreams, wouldn’t they?

Like my dream, I’m probably not making any sense - or maybe I really can write in my sleep - I guess I’ll let you be the judge of that - but again, what is up with these dreams anyway? Are they just from stress or a string of weird thoughts, snippets of television shows and bad cheese and crackers? I think they are. I think the body just can’t take what we deal out often in our daily lives and so it revolts at night when we aren’t paying attention by causing us to hallucinate about non-existant jobs, trips and blind dates. It is ‘its’ way of getting back at us for not taking good enough care of it. Not feeding it right, pushing it to the point of exhaustion and then forcing it eat and drink very weird stuff (as far as it is concerned anyway).

I have no real point here, I am simply jabbering in the hopes the last vestiges of the dream melts like cotton candy and I can go back to sleep. Any thoughts?

The last time I took a road trip was when I had a huge mental lapse and decided to move to Florida. I did write a post about it but I think I was still suffering post traumatic traveling syndrome when I did. Let me give you the Reader’s Digest version. Bad break up, needed a ‘change’, hey, Florida sounds good. Sold everything I owned, including two antique cherry dressers that I refinished myself, my favorite impressionist print of all time, a great chair and blah blah blah.

I cried when I got to Florida and pretty much cried every day until I left. To say I hated it was putting it mildly. My conclusion about Florida was that it was simply a swamp that the critters were trying to reclaim and as far as I was concerned they were doing a damn good job of it. Did you know that mold grows on everthing there? Seriously. My butter even grew mold on it. That’s just scary.

Anyway, so I quickly put everything in reverse and went running back to California and practically kissed the ground when I crossed the border. I decided at that point that the next time I left California (as I knew I would) that it was going to be for a much better reason - and so there is.

Although there are some similarities, such as I’m selling most of my stuff - hey if you ‘re in the neighborhood, drop by the garage sale - although nothing treasured, strictly utilitarian stuff. I am driving but in a much better, more comfortable car and have a driving partner. There are are a lot of ‘unknowns’ about where I’m going. Never been there - don’t know a thing about it, not really. Of course my trusty pets Maggie and Boodie will be coming along, so I’ll have at least two other friends.

The differences of course, are many. For one thing I’m not running away from anything (except maybe smog and bad drivers). It’s not about becoming invisible, it’s about enriching my life, making my life bigger, better. I’m not surrendering, I’m celebrating.

I have a feeling this will be no repeat of Florida actually it’s more than a feeling - I know it won’t be.
It will be a road trip to remember, punctuated with funny stories, new sights, snap shots, and joy. I can’t wait.

Well, heckfire folks, our savior is not even in office yet and already an early Christmas has begun. This little item and this little item shows that Congress really does believe in Santa Claus since apparently they want to emulate him.

My, my, universal healthcare, mandatory tithes to the UN and while we’re at it, let’s make sure all the companies who can’t keep their shit together get a little incentive (bail out) while we’re at it, eh? Noice… it’s giving me some very good ideas. I think I’ll start a public company, mismanage it, take a huge salary and then beg Congress to bail me out instead of throwing my ass in jail. I think it’s quite the workable plan, don’t you?

Grit may be right, the world will end in 2012. I do believe the meltdown is coming fast folks, implosion city no longer seems to be a sparkling bauble on a distant hill. Nope, it’s just down the street now.

Well, all I can say is Merry Christmas GM and thanks Congress for giving us a final farewell gift (for which we will undoubtedly be able to blame Bush) as we rapidly approach the end of the winter session. At least I hope it’s rapid, God knows we can’t afford too much more of your generosity - we have presents to buy too you know? Of course maybe we’ll get some discount coupons for something off the back lot as some sort of incentive to balance out all the increased taxes you’ll lay on us in order to pay for all these gifts, eh?

I think you may have to practice a might more to really get the Santa personna down though, specifically the lumps of coal angle, check the subject index in the Santa Handbook for that one. Just a tip.

Oh and Nancy, I think it’s time to nix the close ups - it’s Merry Christmas, not scary Christmas.

I don’t know about you but I hate change and yet I love it. I love the newness and the excitement and honestly the whole mystery of it. What will it be like, where will I go, who will I meet, what will I see? On the other hand, being the lazy slug that I am, I hate changing anything - sometimes I don’t even change out of my pajamas, especially if it’s cold and the coffee is good and I get involved in something…I can go days just sitting in front of my computer. It’s pathetic really, I didn’t even know who’d been elected until Roomie came home and blurted it out before I could stop him. So see we have your classic love/hate relationship going on with change here.

So what is that all about? Is it simply comfort? We get comfortable with where/how things are and are loathe to alter things because we might have to actually put on our shoes or brush our teeth? Talk to another human being? Have I (we) become incurable couch potatoes? In my case, I suppose the answer would be yes, typically.

However, if I really think about it, this entire year has been all about change for me. Which could account for all my whining and sissy-assed behavior. Things that I always thought would be the same, weren’t. The unthinkable happened to someone I dearly love. Wonderful, surprising things happened that I never could have guessed in a thousand years or believed had someone told me it was going to happen. But more than anything my outlook has changed, it’s definitely more positive and filled with much hope and joy for the future. There is a whole lot more activity going on in the old gray matter - which has sort of had the affect of making me seem like Rain Man’s older sister or something. I laugh a lot more and smile a lot more. Which is really pretty amazing when I consider that a few months ago things seemed awfully glum, terribly sad and even hopeless.

So perhaps I have become an advocate for change. Not just for the sake of the change, I mean I could rearrange the furniture for that - but for new things, good things.

I know most of you are probably scratching your heads and thinking, ‘wtf is she talking about?’ that’s okay too. Maybe I’m just thinking out loud. Bottom line is that one thing, one incident can change everything and maybe that’s the way it’s meant to be. If you ask, it is.

How about you, any good changes happening for you?

Hey Guys!

So, did you miss me? I missed you too. Well actually, there were times when I didn’t even think about blogs or blogging or any of you because well I was thinking of other things - but I didn’t forget you.

So let’s see…okay, first of all we are suspending Theme Fridays for the time being, probably til after the 1st of the New Year. All of us have various things that have us swamped and distracted and so after much discussion and deliberation we’ve decided to suspend for now. I will however, probably still do some sort of fiction thing on Fridays, it just won’t be a group thing with reciprocal links.

My friend Kelly, who you may remember was in a bad car accident last Spring is doing much better, so much better in fact that her doctors have agreed to put the part of her skull that they had to remove when she had the accident, back in. It will be a late Christmas present and the surgery will be at the end of December. We’re all excited because then she will look really good in hats again. (She thought that was funny, come on, people, lighten up). And to celebrate she sent you this vid:

Quite a little toe tapper, ain’t it?

You’ll all be delighted to know I have refined my chicken vegetable soup recipe to perfection. Feel free to email me for a copy.

I pulled a hamstring because I had the good sense to decide to exercise in an attempt to decrease the size of my fat ass. Feel free to send flowers and chocolates. It’s all better now though.

I came up with a brilliant business idea which I think will be tre’s cool and make us a lot of money (I have a partner) and I’m working on the website now.

And…let’s see what else? Oh yeah, I’m in love and going to be moving to the east coast soon.

Okay, that’s about it.

Have a great Monday.

I’m late, I’m late, I’m very, very late…. Oh my ears and whiskers…

Okay, so perhaps some of you have been wondering what the heck I’ve been up to lately - rightfully so, I’ve not been by your blogs (my bad) and haven’t been power posting much lately either… Well, sorry not going to tell you the specifics, but suffice to say that I have some plans for the future which are demanding my time right now, so I’m taking the rest of the week off of blogging (probably, unless I get a hair up my ass kind of post I can’t resist writing). Which means that we won’t have a Theme Friday post either (although Panther may do one, so check her blog out).

I have been a bad little blogger and I will someday make it up to one and all - but not this week.

I will try to get around to some of your places, if time allows - but I absolutely must get these things done if I have any hope of reaching my target for the thing I’m not telling you about. You see? Aren’t you glad I clarified that? I know I feel better.

So, wish me luck and I’ll see y’all next week. Otay? If you get lonely for me and my rapier wit, feel free to email or just dig through the archives - you might at least find a recipe you like, eh?

Love you guys.